Ides of March: Four Horror Stories of Monsters, Revenge, Cannibals, and the Living Dead

0:00 Hello, my spookies. Welcome back to the IDEs of March, that special stretch of the calendar where the air feels a little heavier and the world starts acting like it's been waiting for you to slip. Tonight's collection drifts in on swamp mist and rotten moonlight. You'll hear the hush of water that's too still, the soft drag of something scaled through reads, and the old local kind of warning people laugh off right up until the laughing stops. Then the hunger moves in. Not the normal kind, the kind with rules, the kind that turns the wild into a menu and turns people into ingredients, whether they volunteered or not.

0:55 You'll feel it in the gut, that slow realization that nature isn't beautiful, it's honest, and it doesn't care if you're scared. And just when you think you've escaped into the safety of daylight, you'll wake up to the sound of an alarm you never ask for. Only this time, the noise isn't calling you to work, it's calling something to you. Because in the IDEs of March, even morning can be a threat, and the dead don't appreciate being put on a schedule, So settle in, get those lights low, the doors locked, and remember, some legends don't live in books.

1:43 Some live in places you shouldn't go, in appetites you shouldn't feed. And remember, next Saturday we'll have another collection of IDEs of March stories from the Weekly Spooky Vault. And of course, subscribe today if you haven't already, and make sure you don't miss a brand new scary tale every Wednesday all year long. Now let's kick off the morbid joy Gator Boy of Dead or Swamp by David ohan Lay. Garrett Jenkins hated the swamp. He looked around the moonlit banks with growing uneasiness. Even if the place weren't cursed, he'd still have hated it. When he was little, they'd lived in a dilapidated stilt house with his grandparents on the edge of Dead Or Swamp, and he remembered it all vividly, the terrifying bellows of the alligators and their glowing eyes sitting still on the black water outside his bedroom window. That had been the worst. He'd never been happier than when his pops moved them to the duplex in town. Garrett never went to the swamp when it was time to visit his grandparents. He suddenly got

3:16 sick when his old man wanted to go fishing. He remembered a school project that was due immediately. He hated that damn swamp more than anything, but taking your date to Bracket's Thumb was a Champsville tradition. He'd never gotten the opportunity before, and he wouldn't again. He looked over at Tony Rising. Her hair and make up were done up perfectly. It was only their fourth date, but also their last. They both had great opportunities far from Luxton County, and neither was stupid enough to squander that. They both knew this was their only chance, so they snuck out of the graduation party and headed to the Thumb. They sat in the air conditioning of Garrett's Oldsmobile, listening to the Cure and watching the haunted swamp. A new Jeep wagoner with big mud tires and a boat trailer was parked on the far side of the cracked asphalt. The night fishers were long gone by the time the couple arrived.

4:38 It made Garrett more nervous. There was only one reason to visit the Thumb, after all, what if they came back and caught him in Tony. He knew they needed to speed things up, but they both waited for the other to initiate. They moved nervously in false start, and then giggled with embarrassment. Tony cupped his face in her hands and leaned in for a soft kiss. Then sighed, I hate this town. She whispered, I thought coming out here would give me one thing to miss when I left in the fall. She leaned back against the passenger side door. Garrett twisted to her face. He was secretly glad she'd broken contact. It had been a simple, boring kiss, but it had been more than enough for the virgin.

5:39 He squirmed uncomfortably, hoping the shadow of the dash would hide the bulge in his leviyes. That's why I'm here, too, he said. I don't think making it on the boat ramp is what I need. She said, we can go somewhere else, Garrett suggested. Old man Otto always leaves his tractor unlocked. You do you know how many people have had sex in that tractor. I'm pretty sure I was conceived in that tractor. Garrett admitted he was probably still called old man Otto back then too. The guy probably knew Reverend Bracket in person. Who's that? Tony asked, with obvious embarrassment, Hugh've lived here your whole life, and you don't know the story of the thumb. Garrett laughed, How is that even possible? It sticks out from the swamp like a thumb. Tony shrugged, I never really cared about the graudy old swamp. Who was Bracket? Wow? Okay? Garrett cleared his throat and changed his position. We should have a campfire for this. That's how most of us hear it, settle for just hearing it before first semester. It was the summer of eighteen eighty eight he started. It had been raining for weeks. The men of Champsville were going

7:13 stir crazy being stuck indoors with their wives. Somewhere out there across the swamp was a two story whorehouse called the Sweet Marsh. In The Sweet Marsh was well known in Rooker in Brownsburg, but the Champsville men rarely took the eighteen mile journey around the gator infested swamp to visit Madam Maddie. With the water up, some of the guys decided to shortcut the distance in their boats. They came back with erotic tales of the Sweet Marsh. Enterprising locals started building rafts for the men to rent. Some of them were better built than others, and not all of them made it back. Drownings and gator attacks were commonplace, so no one really thought anything of it. Naturally, other guys thought they were smarter and kept making the trip until their luck ran out. It went like that through July and most of August. That's when Reverend Brackett came to town. Did he have a giant thumb tony interrupted or an extra thumb like the guy we saw at the fair. I'll get to the thumb in a minute, Garrett promised. Brackett had been a Confederate bushwhacker, where he earned the name Brutal Bracket. Some time after, he found God but didn't quite lose the temperament. He became a preacher,

8:49 traveling with a flock of deranged followers that called themselves the Church of Immaculate Wrath. They came to champs like a plague. They told the locals the truth about the Sweet Marsh. Madam Mattie was a witch and was sacrificing the Champsville husbands to the devil The widows were happy to hear it. They liked that version better than their husband's dying. In order to get some strange, the mob stormed the lawn of the brothel, which was sixty feet of soggy grass and alligator turrets. Madam Mattie was no pushover.

9:33 When Brackett's devotees tried to torch the inn, she led her hookers in an armed counter attack. It was a hell of a fight, but the church won. Bracket hung the girls from the inn's balconies and left them for the customers to see. No one knows if it had a name before, but from that day on the area was called dead Horse Swamp. Thick accents and poor literacy led to maps listing it as dead or and eventually that stuck instead. That's terrible, Tony looked across the swamp.

10:19 How morbid can you be? What happened to Mattie? Well, if you'd stop interrupting, I'd tell you. Garrett settled back into his storytelling voice. When it was time for her judgment, Mattie remained defiant. She bit off Bracket's finger and ran with her hands still tied up and the finger clenched between her teeth. She went straight into the swamp. The church tried to pursue the smell of death or maybe Maddie's black magic brought the gaiters out in full force, and they swarmed the men until Bracket was the only survivor.

11:07 A week later, a finger, a thumb, they say, was found right here where we're sitting. That's why we call it Bracket's thumb. Mattie never came out of the swamp, and everyone assumed she had been eaten as well, until she began appearing in the brackish waters around Champsville. People saw her in the distance, always half submerged and seemingly at home among the reptiles and muck. Almost a year after the Sweet Marsh massacre, Champsville got woke up by a woman's screams coming from the swamp. The sightings of Madam Maddie stopped that night. Legend says that she ran away that evening, but she was raped by the alligators.

12:11 The scream heard in Chanceville nine months later for her giving birth to the inhuman offspring, the Gator Boy of Dead or Tony, broke into laughter. It's true, Garrett promised Gator Boy has been seen for generations, especially when it rains. Sure, Tony scooted closer to him. It rained yesterday. I didn't see your croc boy, gator boy. No, sweetie, it's a crock, She caressed his face. Let's make our own story. They made out passionately for a long time before Garrett worked up the nerve to move his groping hands underneath her shirt.

13:06 He circled her nipple with his thumb and gently pinched. She moaned and worked at the button of his jeans. Garrett sucked the side of Tony's neck. She screamed, and he felt like a total stud until he realized it hadn't been a scream of pleasure. He pushed himself away from her. What did I do something wrong? He asked. There was something outside. It's a swamp. There's lots of things outside, not like that. There aren't. Metal shrieked outside.

13:47 A flicker caught Garrett's attention. A strange red glow emanated from behind the vehicle. Another scrape, then a third that lasted longer than the others. The ominous glow moved. Tony looked over the seats, start the engine, Garrett. She whispered the reptilian face popped up in her open window, with its eyes burning brightly. Tony scooted backwards across the seat until she was in Garrett's lap. The monster disappeared before she could get a good look. Garrett turned the key, but the car didn't start. He tried again, but the engine wouldn't turn over. No way, he growled, I just got it tuned up, why won't it start? A tire popped and the car lurched to one side. The reptilian monster peeked over the hood at the two teens. Their planned to spend the evening screaming in each other arms had come to twisted fruition. The monster darted suddenly out of sight. Garrett watched its tail swinging wildly as it ran for the bushes. The two teens held onto each other,

15:17 unable to move. The nightmare was gone. For Chris Davidson, it was only the beginning. He tightened the lug nuts on the spare tire. He'd had too many cups of the spiked punch at the graduation party and shouldn't have been driving. He'd swerve to avoid an animal on the poorly maintained two lane road. The tire blew, and he'd careemed through the scrub, scratching the hell out of the silica and busting the headlight. It could have been worse.

16:00 If he'd pulled the wheel in the other direction, he'd be drowning in the swamp instead of changing attire. Dad is gonna kill my ass, he said, tossing the ruined tire into the back of the car. Chris listened to the night sounds. Crickets and cicadas carried on ceaselessly. Bullfrogs did their best to drown them out, while nighthawks added their sporadic calls to the mix. Thin clouds obscured the half moon, casting waves of shadow over everything below. He heard a guttural hiss. Recognition sent shivers racking through his body.

16:46 He whirled, pointing the flashlight at the swamp. He knew it was there somewhere, but the weak kmart special barely had the power to illuminate the brush. He scanned low for the eye shine, but saw nothing. His brother had run over a gaiter once on the same stretch, and it ripped the transmission clean out from under the small pickup. The gaiter survived, and ever since Chris imagined it was out there looking to take its revenge on any vehicle it could. An idea came to him. That was the story he'd tell his dad. The gaiter did it. He was driving along Stone sober, and that bastard sprang from nowhere and bit his tire off. That might work. Chris might have been eighteen, but that wouldn't save his hide if he admitted he'd been driving his graduation present shitfaced and wrecked it on the first night of ownership. He laughed at his own genius, and another hiss answered him.

18:09 Chris moved the light in its direction. At the far reach of the beam, a bush seemed to be growling, rising straight up from the ground. Then eyes did shine back at him. Chris dropped the light. Its plastic housing shattered on the blacktop. The monster broke from its cover. Chris bolted from the car door. He'd just gotten his hands on it when an impossible force struck him from behind. The jaws snapped together with an audible crack that left Chris's ears ringing. He felt a pull at his scalp as the monster tore a chunk of his high top.

19:00 His head. Thick reptilian fingers gripped his arm, keeping Chris face down on the road. The teeth came together once more. This time, the beast didn't miss The bite cracked the team's skull. His eyes bulged from their sockets. Chris could hear the teeth grinding against bone. Then he couldn't hear anything at all. Terry Billings laughed his ass off as he stripped away the Gator Boy costume he'd pieced together from spare parts of old Halloween costumes. He'd had a crush on Tony since the seventh grade, and that basically made them a couple as far as he was concerned.

19:58 He wasn't about to stand while she ran off to the thumb with some other guy. He tossed the costume into the bed of the Scottsdale. Another round of laughter overtook him. They'd tell the story of their encounter with Gator Boy, and the whole town would get a very good laugh. He drove back to town, taking the dirt road that skirted the edge of Old Man Otto's rice fields. He thought about riding up to the levee and seeing if anyone was bumping uglies in the tractor. Terry had a blast, scaring the shit out of Tony and Garrett.

20:39 It wouldn't take too long to put the suit back on. Getting another couple would be hilarious, but getting caught wasn't an option. He cut onto the blacktop and spotted a single headlight along the shoulder. Terry put on his mac truck ball cap and pulled the brim down to hide his face. Despite everyone in town knowing his daddy's truck, he just passed the car. When he felt a pang of unease, Terry pressed the brakes and slowed down. There was something beside the car, a dark puddle and a strange lump. He assumed the driver had struck an animal of some sort, Only the lump didn't remind Terry of an animal. It reminded him of an arm. The Chevy rocked gently. Terry took his eyes off the unidentifiable mass and looked around the otherwise deserted road. There was no sign of another driver, or anything else for that matter.

21:52 The truck springs creaked. Terry turned to face the back window. A hot breath fall the glass. Black eyes met Terry's gaze. He stomped the gas all the way down the bed shook as the uninvited guest toppled out of it. Terry didn't dare look at his mirrors to see what it was. He didn't need to. The gator Boy was real, and he did not appreciate Terry's impersonation. You sure this is your dog, Deputy Grant dabbed at his bald head with a handkerchief. Of course, I am your dumb some bitch, Merrill howled, pretty darn plain to see it's Rudolph. No offense, Merle.

22:49 Grant fanned the flies away from the scalp and awful, but I can't even tell it's a dog at all, not a whole one anyhow Well, no shit, he ain't home. Fucking gator boy been eating on my dog while you was stuffing your fucking face with grits and cock. About all you some bitch deputies do with my goddamn tax dollars taxes. Grant squinted at the cabin behind Merle, guessing you don't mean your property tax you some bitch. Merle. You're a mean old bastard. Grant interrupted him. This is state land that you've been squatting on the last fifty years, but no one can tolerate you long enough to tell you to move the hell along. The only thing more rotten and putrid than those six wiggly ass teeth of yours is the bullshit you spew between them. If that chewed up poodle were you, even Pastor Fred would be thanking sweet baby Jesus for the blessing this Sunday, and I'd be content to call it natural causes. Unfortunately, it's a poor dog, and that warrants my time and a proper investigation. So how about you just give me damn pertinent details. Merle gasped. He'd been a pain in the ass for almost eight decades, and no one ever talked to him like that before. Then again, Grant came from the city. Merle knew better than to expect manners from

24:22 city folk. He jabbed a nubby finger at Rudolph's remains, then cleared his throat. Heard him yowling out here, the codger said, in a more restrained tone. I grabbed my scatter gun expecting coyotes. Weren't no goddamn animal, though not no normal one. So you saw what did this? Grant asked, Sure, is your chunky ass jiggles on a Monday from a Sunday fart. Merle assured him it was gator boy. I done said it once, seven no, eight feet tall, nasty so bitch would calls big fucking teeth. Alrighty, guess that wraps this up. Grant headed back to his car. I'll get an apb out on Kermit the Frog and get back to you in a day or so. It's Maddie's birthday, dipshit, Merle snarled. He's always angry on his mama's birthday. You'll see, boy, killing's just getting started. Do me a solid, Merle. Grant slid into his seat and leaned out. Have a heart attack before I come back out here. It had been a hell of a morning, as it always was after a night of graduation parties. He didn't even have time to refresh his coffee at the station before the first call came in. Most of it was normal nonsense. Merle's dog was a low priority to the deputy, but the

25:53 makeshift cabin was on the way to the first of the missing person calls. He had three of those. Grant expected to find each of them nursing a hangover somewhere. Garrett woke up first and hurriedly scrubbed the sleep from his eyes so he could pretend that he had guarded Tony all night. They'd come to the Thumb for an unforgettable memory. They certainly had that. He gently roused her. She screeched and palmed him in the nose. Jesus ow, why I'm sorry, Tony patted his chest. I thought you were the monster. Why would a monster wake you up gently?

26:40 Maybe that's how they do it, Tony snapped back, this is my first time meeting one. I think it's broken, Garrett whined. Speaking of broken, Tony pointed at the sunrise. It's low light, so you can fix the car. Garrett pinched his bloody nose and scowled at her. He was the only guy in the history of Luxton County to strike out at the Thumb. He was attacked by Gator Boy. His date tried to punch his lights out. After all that, Tony expected him to go outside with the monster to fix the damn car. He huffed and stepped outside. The olds was scratched up bad, the chrome trim ripped off, and one tire was slashed. Dried cool shimmered on the asphalt.

27:33 He popped the hood and found the battery cable torn off. Garrett looked over at the jeep with its big tires and wood trim. The Cajun station wagon was easily recognizable as Carter Stigmuns. Carter had never returned, it seemed. Garrett went to the jeep to see if Carter was sleeping inside. Carter had five kids at home, all a year apart, so it wouldn't be surprising if he camped in the jeep instead of going back to that madhouse, even if it were vacant. Perhaps there'd be some tools. The vehicle was unlocked, with the keys hanging from the ignition. Garrett set out rummaging through the jeep. Do you think it's out there? Tony said behind him. Garrett screamed, shrilly, sorry, Tony hung her head. I didn't want to be alone and I didn't want to piss my drawers. Garrett slumped into the back seat. Help me look for a toolbox.

28:40 Since you're here, okay. Tony went to the back and lifted the gate. So do you think it's out there? No one ever saw gator Boy during the day, he said, I mean the sweet marsh. Tony clarified, I had a dream that it was. The dead girls were still hanging there. I was scared enough, Tony. You don't need to make it worse. Then you definitely shouldn't look behind you. Not funny, Tony, not meant to be. Garrett took a deep breath and turned to see what was there. Grant fired his pistol into the brush, sending the buzzards scattering back into the sky.

29:37 There was roadkill all over Arkansas. They'd find another meal. The deputy approached the Toyota Celica cautiously. The birds had been pecking at something next to it. Even up close, it took Grant a moment to figure out it was an arm. The bit of his skin left on the appendage and the make of the car led him to believe he'd found one of his missing persons. The size of the blood stain looked to be everything Chris Davidson would have had in his body. Grant went to call it in. A rumbling engine stole his attention. Carter Stigmund hadn't been home in two days. He told his wife he was going frog gigin at Bracket's Thumb. That was where Grant had been heading when he spotted the Selica. Apparently, Carter had woken up from his drunken stupor and was trying to make it home before his wife got any angrier.

30:43 Grant waved for Carter to slow down, but to his surprise, the jeep came to a screeching halt instead. The smell of burnt rubber made Grant's bulbous nose twitch. He fanned the stench away and stepped to the driver's side, shocked to see the pimple faced teen behind the wheel. Boy, the hell are you doing? Grant asked, Why are you in Carter's rig? Where's he at? A girl leaned across from the other seat. Someone's been killed. Seems to be a lot of that going around, Grant grumbled. The setting sun turned the sky into a deep bruise. Airman Griz sutton yawned and turned up the radio. He hadn't been home in two years, a fact his mother was sure to bring up every time he called. He'd been in Germany on Christmas and promised he'd come to visit as soon as he got leave. He wasn't looking forward to the five hundred mile drive to baton Rouge from Blytheville.

31:58 After the prior Knight's party. To make matters worse, car tags had expired while he was overseas, and he'd have to navigate the back roads, which would add at least two hours. After an hour of the boring stretches of nothing that made up southeastern Arkansas, Griz was glad to have the swamp to look at, not that he could see much of it at dusk. Still, the thought of that murky water, combined with the big gulp, pushed his bladder to its breaking point. He pulled the fierro to the shoulder. Everything was peaceful and still. Griz stepped out and went to the brush to relieve himself. A nighthawk called out from the low branches of a cypress. H enjoy the view, Buddy, Griz chuckled. Once he finished raising the water level of the swamp, he went back to the fierro. A misshapen silhouette prowled at the edge of the headlights. Griz paused to watch the interloper. It could have been a trick of the light. He certainly hoped it was. He detoured to the passenger door, opening it slowly.

33:16 The ominous form moved suddenly, but didn't advance. It moved laterally, watching Griz with the same intensity. The airman watched it back. Go on now. Griz waved for it to go get out of here. It didn't. Griz went into his glove compartment for the Barretta. Whatever was stalking him was smart and attentive. As soon as Griz thumbed down the safety lever, the shape rushed straight at him. The airman took his first two shots one handed, sending them wide. The animal changed course instead of retreating. The headlights illuminated the leathery skin for just a second. Griz secured his grip and took a more stable stance. He led the target and fired again. The creature bellowed. It launched itself into the air, landing on top of the sports car with a reptilian hiss.

34:22 Griz saw it clearly drool trickled between triangular teeth set in a stubby jaw, flared nostrils sat beneath emotionless, black eyes ringed and yellow. Griz threw himself to the ground, thrusting the pistol up and firing until the monster went away. It jumped from the roof, hitting the swamp with a splash. And not making another sound from there, Griz scrambled for another magazine. He watched the black water as he reloaded, expecting the thing to come back and finish the job.

35:03 His chest burned from the breath he didn't know he was holding. He let it out sharply. The lizard man was gone. A hot, wet drop landed on his buzzed head and rolled behind his ear. Griz reached back to inspect it and was relieved to see the blood on his fingertips. He stood up and growled angrily. Aside from the small pools of blood, there were a lot of bullet holes. Insurance ain't going to cover that. He shook his head and shouted at the swamp. I hope I shot your balls off, you scilly son of a bitch.

35:48 Grant angled his desk fan directly into his face. The teen couple had seen the mauled remains of Carter Stigmund and his pal John adamlay their ravaged aluminum boat. That's when they'd peeled away in Stigmun's jeep. Grant was content to call it an animal attack, but the teams insisted it was gator boy like any good Luxton County deputy Grant gave them a line of shit about black bears. That was the official version they always used. No one had ever seen a bear of any damn color in Luxton, but it beat admitting the truth about the swamp. Grant could see the future. If that ever happened, Champsville would be a tourist trap photos and souvenirs and a goddamn gator Boy breakfast cereal with tiny marshmallows shaped like body parts.

36:48 The sheriff had taken his misses to the Riverboat Casino, but was on his way back. Grant had about an hour to come up with a way to convince the kids they'd a damn bear. The bell rang over the door and Grant grumbled. He pushed out of his chair and stepped out of his office. The man had a military haircut and the bill to match, shown off by the cut off Air Force T shirt. Grant waved, and the man practically ran to meet him. You're not going to believe this shit, he started. You'd be surprised what I believe right about now, Grant assured him. There's a monster in the swamp. You don't say, Grant grumbled. You get a good look at this monster. Damn skippy, Sheriff Griz nodded vigorously. I shot the bastard shot it. Grant raised an eyebrow and looked the man over carefully. Say I ain't seen you before. That don't happen very often in this county, Griz sudden. He extended his hand. I'm on leave from Blytheville Airbase. I was heading home to Baton Rouge Grant put his hands on his wide hips.

38:08 Now what exactly did you see, mister Sutton? Some kind of a lizard? I can draw pretty good if you got some paper. This thing was. It was crazy. Have never seen anything like it? Sure you have? Grant smiled. It was a black bear? What? No, it definitely wasn't a bear. This thing was covered in thick skin, like a like a dinosaur. Mange Grant explained. Their hair falls out and leaves them with this wrinkled dark skin, could look just like a lizard, especially in the dark. No, you don't get it, Sheriff. I was as close to it as I am to you. Then you must not be a very good soldier. Son. If I shot something at this distance, it'd be dead, and I'd have brought it into this office instead of just a story about some dinosaur. Grant put a hand on his shoulder, speaking of shooting things. You do have a permit for that firearm, don't you. It's my service pistol, which means you can carry it in the line of duty, not freely. In the state of Arkansas. That takes a special permit. You got one of them? Griz looked at him incredulously. Inside. No, I don't got one of them. I thought Arkansas was a shall issue, permitless state. Grant interrupts. What I got

39:42 is a man illegally carrying a firearm in my county, filing a bogus report about dinosaurs in my swamp. He shrugged. Or I have a respectable, reputable patriot with a distinguished military record who defended himself from a black bear with mange. So which one have I got? Griz sagged and staggered to the nearest chair. He sank into it with a curse. Grant sat on the edge of the desk, waiting for an answer. Griz stayed silent, telling his mother he wasn't visiting because he was in jail. Might be worse than whatever that monster had planned on doing to him. I guess I need to report a bear attack sheriff. Somewhere deep amongst the cypress trees, the creature broke the surface of the murky swamp water. He scratched at the bullet wound with a cracked claw. The human had hurt him, but it would heal. The beast crawled up the embankment to the soggy yard. Alligators hissed his arrival. He returned the greeting on his way to the dead bones lay in piles around the porch, with rotten ropes dangling above them.

41:12 One skeleton, almost intact, still hung from the frayed noose caught under its jaw. The creature went inside the ruins of the Sweet Marsh Inn and settled into one of the parlor's ragged, mildewed chairs. The gator Boy of Dead or Swamp had come home Stay Hungry by David O'Hannon. Ella Scott watched in disbelief as the man passed the folded bills to the boat Captain. Caine Marlowe was one of the most infamous poachers in the world, and last she'd heard was in a Kenyan prison. She doubted he'd been released on good behavior. Ella's face reddened as Marlowe went to stow his luggage, her fingernails dug into her palms, and her entire body shook. Keith, the cameraman for the documentary, stepped in front of her with his hands raised defensively deep breaths. He said, it's just a mix up, I'm sure.

42:37 Ella shoved him out of her way and stormed over to the captain, grabbing for his collar but mostly getting chest hair. The short, stocky man whined and slapped at her hands. What are you thinking, she demanded that I didn't ask for a manscaping. He rubbed his chest up the river or no, yes, Ella barked back to film the hippos migrating, not being butchered. God damn it, Louise, do you know who that is? Of course, Louise said, he's the guy that just paid me a lot more than you did to go to the exact same place.

43:22 I can make a dozen trips to more popular locations in the same time. This trip is not cost effective. I got plenty of room. If someone else wants to come along, I'll take them too. I think you misunderstood, Keith chimed in. Ella is concerned because that man is a poacher. I don't care how he eats his eggs. Louise shrugged and started up to the ship's helm. He'll slaughter them. Ella said, this is Columbia, Miss Scott. Louis leaned on the rusted railing. This village here has been burned down at least three times since I've been alive.

44:04 Human life is cheap. Hippos aren't many men pay to hunt these animals. You're upset that he is here, but you use this boat, so you'll tolerate him. I understand it's your boat, but it's their boat. The captain cut her off. The hunters are why this boat has a running motor. They are the reason I was able to pay off my debts when your hippos killed the fish I used to catch for a living. You hate the hunters, but the hunters are the only reason you're going upriver to go where you wish. You either take this boat or you swim. Guess we're riding with the poacher. Keith muttered, I'm not letting him kill anything. Ella said, mark my words.

44:58 After the Colombian government slaughtered the bull named Pepe, there had been an international outcry to protect the so called cocaine hippos. Pablo Escobar had imported four of the animals for his private zoo back in the eighties, which had escaped into the wild after his death. Without a dry season, they begun reaching sexual maturity faster. Their number had swelled to at least two hundred in the years since. If interventions weren't found, there would be a thousand by the end of the next decade. In recent months, reports had come in of hippopotamus sightings far from Median. However, a local group of activists exploiting the rampant political corruption, had supplied Ella with satellite imagery of the area, as well as aerial photographs of what appeared to be three juveniles several hundred miles to the north. Ella studied the photos with the same intrigue she had when she first seen them.

46:09 In the alien jungles of South America, the animals often behaved in ways unseen among their African relatives. Still it seemed unreasonable. Still, it seemed unreasonable for a group to break off from the herd when all their needs were being met in the Magdalena River they called home. If they had been forced out by a dominant bull. Then they should have stopped moving once they were outside his range, which would have been no more than ten miles. The exodus made no sense. Ella needed to film them in the wild and to figure out exactly why they had moved so far. She had to show the world that the Colombian hippo had become its own species if she wanted to save them. They'd been on the river all day.

47:06 Keith had occupied himself with filming establishing shots. For the first few hours. Ella had shot thirty three takes of her introduction, detailing the history of the hippos in Columbia, the efforts to contain them, and how they had transformed from an invasive species to a meaningful part of the ecosystem that they now lived within. Keith wasn't sure he bought into that last part, no matter how many times she made him reshoot it. He was from Indiana and had seen the negative effects of feral hog's first hand. The hippos were a lot bigger and more ill tempered than the pigs back home. They'd started their trip at the tourist trap in Median The hippopotamuses had created a strange paradox for the local They killed the fish that provided the basis for their economy and diet, while simultaneously creating revenue through eco tourism. It was much cheaper to come see the hippos in South America than venturing to Africa for a pricey photo safari. Keith didn't see the appeal.

48:21 The hippos did nothing but soak in a river and immodestly shit for the flashing cameras. It hardly seemed worth the airfare. While Ella reviewed the maps and photographs again, he optioned to take some still photos of the vast array of wildlife occupying the riverbanks. He zoomed in on the stone faced Colombian sitting at the rear of the boat. Hector filled every role on the boat as he was needed. He was a former FARC soldier and his bear Torso was pock marked with shrapnel, scars and burns from his past life. Once they made land, Hector would make sure they were safe while filming. Ella had of course protested an armed guard, but Luis had only been paid half up front and insisted Hector go with them. Keith wasn't sure if the man never spoke because he didn't know English, or if it was some sense of warrior stoicism. Either way, the cameraman found Hector as intriguing as he was frightening.

49:36 Keith pried his lens away from his subject and moved to the opposite end of the rickety boat. Cain Marlowe stood at the bow with one boot on the edge and his Rigby rifle propped on his hip, like he was gracing the cover of a Harley Quinn romance novel. He looked the part with his Safari shirts slip rolled up over muscular forearms and the top two buttons down to show the valley between thick pectorals. Exotic oils made his golden beard glisten in the setting sun. He was a bondye beach allen quartermain. The only thing out of place about him was the ragged scar on the right side of his face. The claws had left distinctive raised lines from his temple to his jaw. His eye was stuck in a permanent squint on account of the nerve damage.

50:41 Keith wondered if some unfortunate jungle cat had turned the tables on the poacher, or if it had been his origin story perhaps the beast had mauled a young Marlowe, beginning his desperate need to kill them in retaliation. Like Hector, Keith found Marlowe to be more interesting than the hippos. This is insane, Ella said, snapping him back to reality. The photos clearly show the hippos have moved on. This is completely uncharted behavior for them. We're onto something huge here and crocodile dun dumbass wants to murder them. Maybe they're trying to go home. Keith said, they are moving in the general direction of Africa. Ancient Egyptians thought they were supernatural beings. Ella seemed to consider it. Perhaps the truth is somewhere in between, perhaps, Keith snorted. Or perhaps you're reading too much into them going for a walk.

51:50 They've traveled over two hundred miles. Ella scoffed. That's hardly an evening stroll. It's an invasion. Marlowe said, that's what the Venezuelans are calling it. They've got enough problems without a bunch of hungry, hungry hippos coming to dinner. So you're going to kill them and be the big hero. Ella asked, wouldn't be much fun or profit in that. Marlow corrected her. If the herd crosses the border, they'll be slaughtered. That's exactly what you don't want. If I recall, you're killing them for their own good Ella laughed, that's a new spin. I'll kill one or two. Marlow admitted, these animals are simply exploring their boundaries. It takes a predator to set some Luckily you have me. They don't go to Venezuela to be massacred, and I get a grand hunt. We both win. Miss Scott Keith looked around the boat and raised his hand like he was back in film school. Yes, Marlo asked, there doesn't seem to be room for a dead hippo, let alone two of them.

53:06 The cameraman said he's only bringing back the teeth. Ella said pointedly, trading in hippo ivory is illegal internationally. Marlow said, with a grim smile. They're not an indigenous species, so the Colombian government doesn't have a law on the books about domestic sales. You think you Americans have the patent on rich assholes. I can sell those tusks in Bogatah for a mint. I won't let that happen. Ella insured him the sightings indicate an entire pod up there that's big enough that we can both get the kind of shots we're looking for without being in each other's way.

53:50 Marlow stepped closer to Ella. You're on the backside of Burke now. No police, ya, no human rights, no fucking Starbucks. Is that supposed to be a threat? A reminder? You're not live streaming a protest outside of Maybelene. Everything out here is lethal. Piranha, crocs and acandas and jaguars, even the fucking ants. Anyone can come into the jungle, but it takes a special breed to come back out, and I don't think you're of that stock. He nodded to Keith. That bloke certainly isn't. Marlowe climbed the ladder to join Louise at the helm. Ella looked back at Hector, wondering if his role as their protector extended to keeping them safe from Marlowe as well. The former soldier locked eyes with her and replaced the strap on his holster, letting her know he'd been prepared to move if things had escalated.

54:55 On Whose behalf he'd have acted was still a mystery. It had been a long night so far from civilization. The wildlife went about their routines uninterrupted all night long. Animals carried on in an endless cacophony of mating calls and ferocious hunts. Every time an animal cried out from the jaws of some predator, Ella would snap awake, expecting to see Marlowe carrying a gruesome trophy back on board the boat. It never happened. Each time she was roused from sleep, she found the hunter peacefully resting in his hammock.

55:46 The sounds of death must have been his favorite lullaby. He didn't stir in the slightest while she snuck away with his rifle. They made good time. The next Keith sat beside Louise at the helm. Ella watched him shakily pouring a fresh cup of coffee into a cracked mug with faded letters. Despite having gotten even less sleep than her, Keith seemed wide awake. Now. Ella went to the top of the ladder. Keith, She called, yeah, He yipped excitedly, His feet tapped rapidly, and he was grinding his teeth. Oh, you want me to get some more bee roll? That would be great. She gestured to the cup. How much coffee.

56:39 Have you had? This is my second cup. Keith nodded vigorously. Louise held up three fingers. You seem a little jittery, Ella said, it's really good. Keith slapped Louise on the back. Folgers doesn't know shit about Colombian blend. Colombian blend, Ella asked, Colombian blend, Louise said, tapping his nostril for clarity. Take him before he shakes us off course, Jesus, okay, no more coffee, Keith. Ella snapped her fingers, pointing to the bow. We have work to do. Pour it over the side.

57:21 I don't think so. Louise took the mug from Keith and down to gulp. Last thing we need is piranhas swimming in this. Go make movies with your girlfriend and leave the coffee to the men. Keith laughed, he thinks you're my girlfriend. Move your ass. Keith Ella dropped to the deck and went to stern for the camera equipment. She looked around suspiciously. Hector had stayed at the rear of the ship the entire day, but had seemingly given up his post. A sharp whistle drew her attention, and apparently the captain's as the boat slowed. I think you should come and see this, miss Scott, marlow shouted from the bow. Ella pulled the camera from the bag and shoved it into Keith's arms. On the way past. Hector was there, cradling an assault rifle in his arms and sipping at his own coffee. Marlowe pointed to the riverbank.

58:24 You see that, miss Scott, he asked. Make sure your cameraman gets a good look. Flies swarmed over the corpse of the American crocodile. It laid on its back, with its intestines bulging out of its split belly. One leg was completely torn from its body. A yellow headed vulture tugged at a strand of muscle hanging from the stump. The bird stretched the tissue until it snapped loose. The grass was trampled around the scene, with deep hoof prints clearly visible in the mud. There are five thousand American crocodiles in the entire world, marlow said, minus one, thanks to your hippos. Maybe you two would like to get off the boat and film that. Fuck you Marlow Ella spat Territorial disputes happen across species in every ecosystem. Don't try to justify what you do. That croc was at least fifty years old, marlow said, pointing at the carcass.

59:37 There was no dispute, dearI this was his territory. Your hippos kill him for the sport of it. Funny how you seem to have such a problem when I do that. The crocodile has not been dead long, maybe since last night, Hector said, in an even mechanical tone. We should not be this close. What do you mean. Keith looked around, swinging the camera as he turned his head close to what blimey Marlowe scanned the water for air bubbles. A territorial dispute, you say, Ella gasped, Oh shit? What? Keith shouted?

1:00:24 Why does everyone know what's going on except me? We moving on? Or what? Louise asked? We were wrong? Ella shouted, get down here and bring your map. Ella laid her photos in topographic map on a small table and waited for Luis to add his own. The others gathered around to hear what she said, but Hector and Marlowe kept their eyes on the river. Hippos stay in the water most of the time, but will travel around ten miles to graze. Ella pointed at a circle on the map. Our photos were taken here, so we assumed they had migrated up the Magdalena to this inlet. It was the only logical place they could be. But we know a hippo was here recently. The inlet is too far away for a bull to have wandered. We were going to go right past them. I'm thrilled for you, lady Louise said, But like my mother in law always says, you pay full price even if you don't go all the way.

1:01:33 Was your mother in law a prostitute? Keith asked, second finest in all of Columbia. Louise told him if she'd have been the first, I'd have married her instead. It might have worked out better. Hector added. The answer seemed so obvious that no one looked for another. Ella sketched a rough circle that joined their current location to the confirmed sighting. The calves were photographed at one end of the grays Lands, and we're sitting on the other. You can't see it on my map because of the canopy, but yours is hand drawn. There's a large pond right in the center. What isn't on your map is the tributary that feeds it. That's because we already have enough ways to get killed in this country without going down Rio de d'l mortal. Seriously, Ella stiffened, it's actually called the river of deadly evil. You have a river of deadly evil? Keith screeched, Of course not, Luis laughed. It's hard enough to get taurusts this far into the jungle without scary rivers. It looks narrow and shallow. Probably someone just figured there was no point drawing it on. Can the boat make it through? Marlowe asked, If not, I don't give refunds. Louis sipped his coffee. He'll both see your hippos soon. Luis ducked under a branch, careful to

1:03:12 keep his hand on the wheel. The hull scraped noisily against the rocky banks of the narrow channel. He stood and eased back on the throttle. Navigating the unmarked river had proven more challenging than the map suggested. The jungle reached out for the boat on both sides, swatting at the passengers like it was shooting gnats. A monkey jumped from one of the trees, using the boat as a stepping stone to the other side. Louise watched the foliage to make sure it wasn't being pursued. Alto Alto. Hector called out from the bow something in the bushes ahead, check it out quickly and Dale. Louise shouted back. Hector stepped onto the rail, using a branch for stability as he hopped over a round boulder and on to the bank.

1:04:12 The former rebel moved gracefully through the brush. He stopped in his tracks as something rustled behind him. He turned to find Ella picking herself up from the ground. He should have stayed on the boat, Hector told her, many dangerous things here. Marlowe swung from a vine to land between them. He unslung the rifle from across his back. Hector groaned and signaled for both of them to stay quiet before moving on. Ella shoved past marlow to catch up. The hunter chuckled. The smell of death lingered, but without the usual accompaniment of scavengers. Hector pushed through waste high grass, stepping into mud. Blood squished up around his boot soles.

1:05:11 A hippopotamus carcass laid on its side. The bones were still wet where the meat had been removed, and its organs were strewn from its split belly all the way to the water's edge. Ornaments hung from the trees like archaic wind chimes. Ella investigated one of them. Vertebrae were spaced out along hand braided ropes with conical spikes at the end. These teeth are crocodilian, she said. The bones aren't, though they're human. Marlowe informed them some poor bastard spine.

1:05:58 This animal was butchered, Hector said, kneeling to examine the bear femur. There are knife marks. Another poacher. Ella asked, with a baleful glare at marlow Jesus. The monsters cut out its teeth, all of them. Marlowe said a hunter would have only taken the tusks. These cuts are ragged and much too rough for steel. This was indios revenge. Hector rattled one of the wind chimes. The crocodile has been revered across the globe since time began. Marlowe nodded.

1:06:41 The hippo killed one of their gods. They got their payback. They probably took the meat to appease the other crocs and keeping there good graces. Holy shit. Keith called from the boat. He zoomed in on the carnage. That's insane, Ella, you're not going to believe the shot. He should probably keep quiet, Marlow suggested, while bringing his rifle to bear. This was a pup. The hippos will be more aggressive now. There's too many rocks here. Louise bellowed, I can't slow down anymore. You need to get back on the boat, Hector, what color is the bottom of the boat. Ella watched the crock teeth swaying on the ceremonial decor white, I guess.

1:07:36 Hector shrugged like a croc belly. Marlow whispered back on the boat, Louis ordered. Marlow turned slowly, scanning the jungle for movement. Ella gasped when he pointed the rifle straight at her. She watched as his finger moved to the trigger and took up the slack. The muzzle flash stretched at her like dragon's breath, accompanying the terrifying roar of the big game rifle. The ground rumbled around her. She whirled around to see the hippo dead at her feet.

1:08:21 A wisp of smoke drifted from the fist sized hole in its skull. Crikey, that was a close one. Marlow chambered another round. Good thing I reloaded since someone took the bullets from my rifle. No worries I brought more. Keith screamed as the boat listed violently. Great boulders bobbed to the surface around the vessel. A muffled whoomp came from the water, jostling the boat again. The group stood petrified as the boulders stretched open their wide jaws and cried out. Unseen members of the pod responded throughout the jungle.

1:09:09 An immense hippo exploded out of the water, crashing bodily onto the boat's stern. The bow rose up, throwing Louis from the helm. The captain hit the deck with a splash. Four thousand pounds of hippopotamus pressed it deeper into the water. Louis clawed at the floorboards. The beast's fetid breath washed over him as he slid closer to the gaping maw on the shore. The others watched as Louis was dragged, screaming beneath the surface. Keith Ella cried out, you have to jump. Water rose around the cameraman's legs. The ship was going down fast. Hippo jaw snapped at him over the guardrails. He shook his head. I can't jump, Are you insane? He whined, They'll eat me. You're sinking, dopey.

1:10:13 Marlow shouted, now get off the bloody boat. Automatic rifle fire masked any reply Keith might have given. Hector sprayed from his hip at the charging bull. The barrage did nothing to slow the beast. Hector fumbled a fresh magazine. The hippo swiped its head once, impaling the soldier with its tusks. It raised Hector's screaming body into the air, crushing his torso like an aluminum can. Marlowe knelt and fired a shot through the hippo's eye. The hippopotamus collapsed, with Hector wheezing his last breaths, still trapped between its teeth.

1:11:01 Everybody run, Marlowe barked. Keith put a foot on the railing and leapt for the shore. Ella reached out for him, and so did a hippo. The jaws closed around his legs, swinging him to the shore. Ella grabbed him by the wrists. The hippo tugged on him. Ella dug her heels into the muck and tried desperately to pull him free. The hippo gave a slight jerk, ripping Keith's legs off with ease. Ella cried as she dragged him up the embankment to her she was torn away from him. Suddenly, she landed on her back, expecting to see tusks closing around her face. Instead, she saw Marlowe dragging her away by the collar. No, she shouted, She clawed at the hunter's hands. We have to help him. There's no help for him. Marlowe struggled to get her up. Get on your feet, Keith cried out.

1:12:14 Ella wrestled free and scrambled to the edge. The big female that capsized the boat rushed out to meet her. A hoof came down on Keith. His rib cage collapsed in one wet crunch. Jaws snapped shut in front of Ella's face with enough force to blow her auburn hair back. Marlowe blasted a chunk from the beast's snout and worked the rifle bolt. Now can we bloody leave? Ella used Marlowe's belt to pull herself up. The hunter swung her by the arm. Despite the uneven start, she gained her footing quickly and broke into a full sprint with Marlow on her heels. The giant female charged out of the jungle, uprooting trees in furious pursuit of the humans. Shoot it.

1:13:15 Ella plaied, I only have one more shot, Marlow answered, you said you had more on the boat. Marlow snarled, what is that? Look up ahead? The jungle broke open, giving way to a sun drenched clearing full of tall grass. On the far end stood something as out of place as the cocaine hippos themselves. Is that a mansion? We're not going to live long enough to find out. Marlow growled that Sheila's right on our ass. The hippo let its jaw hang open, ready to chomp through them. Marlowe knew he wouldn't have time to line up a kill shot.

1:14:05 He threw himself into Ella, sending her careening into the lush flora. Marlow leaped the other direction. The hippo slid and stumbled as it tried to correct course. It wheeled around, turning its head between the two possible victims. Its black eye focused on the rifle that had mauled its face. It snorted and scratched at the earth with its hoof. There was no time to aim. Marlowe's bullet went wide, striking the hippo in the neck. Blood spurted from the crater. The monster fell on a bent knee. Ella walked towards it, cupping her hands over her mouth. The hippo dragged itself along.

1:14:56 Its jaws snapped weakly as it t tried to get close to marlow for one final go finish it, Ella sniffled. Put it out of its misery. I told you I'm out of ammunition now, Marlowe laughed. As the hippo collapsed. He watched it struggle for breath. Even after all of this, he're still on their side. You still have my bullets. Ella reached to the pocket on her vest. The brass rattled as she shakily fished out a single bullet. That's a good lass. Marlowe walked to her and shoved the rifle into her chest. You got the ammo, now you have the rifle too. Marlowe leaned against a tree trunk and gestured for her to finish the wounded animal. Go on, he said, do it, end it suffering. Ella loaded a bullet into the chamber and closed the bolt. You heard the calls, Ella, We're surrounded by them. Marlowe continued. I can keep you alive until help comes. I'm the only chance you have, and you haven't even got that until you show me you're worth saving. Kill the fucking thing.

1:16:29 Ella raised the rifle to her shoulder. She tried to sight through the scope, but tears obscured her view. A long, plaintive wine came from the hippopotamus before it fell still. Ella watched for signs of life, but none came. It had bled out. She let the rifle hang limply in her hands. How's that for principles? Marlow snorted and walked away. Such an animal lover, But you let one die like that, I reckon. That makes you a damn sight worse than me.

1:17:14 Fuck you keep shouting, Ella, it'll distract the others while I make a run for the hacienda. Ella kept her finger on the trigger as they crossed the clearing. If there was another attack, she'd be ready, ready to put her one shot right between Marlowe's shoulder blades before she died. Nearby, a hippo bellowed. Ella listened to the number of responses and shook her head. The calls were coming from across the POD's entire range. She tried to guess at how many animals were out there. The number she came up with was entirely too large. She'd assumed the hippo sidings were a secondary herd that had migrated away from the original.

1:18:09 She'd anticipated a colony of a dozen at most. The female that attacked them was fully matured and larger than average. A pungent stench disrupted her thoughts. Ella paid attention to the grass for the first time. Hippo shit clung to the long, swaying blades. It had smeared across her shorts and bare legs. Ella stared at the small mansion beyond. It looked like a private getaway and had clearly been abandoned for quite a while. Pablo Escobar had many homes across the country. This one looked special, a place where he was a father and not a drug lord. She froze in her tracks. Hippos were her daughter's favorite animal.

1:19:09 Looks like Pablo was a regular. P. T. Barnum Marlow said, coming to the same conclusion. He waved a hand at the expansive retaining pond. A rusty fence lay in ruins around it. Red algae formed a thick layer, concealing its murky depths. Guess they're more effective than guard dogs. The authorities definitely never found this place. I bet there's a ton of cocaine inside. You won't find out. Ella said, Oh, why is that? Marlow put his hands on his hips.

1:19:49 I'm perfectly safe as long as you have the gun. Ella aimed the rifle. Marlow followed the barrel to the pond, and the bubbles pop on its surface. She fired. The stagnant water erupted in a geyser that showered the hunter. The bull sprang up. Marlowe watched the small fortune of ivory stretch open wide. The pink gullet rushed towards him. Darkness enshrouded the poacher. His feet kicked helplessly as he descended whole down the hippo's throat. The four ton bull let itself slide off the side and sunk back to the bottom of the lake to digest its meal. Ella walked to the mansion steps. A baby hippo ran from the porch when it saw her coming. The door was long gone inside she found all the furnishing still in place.

1:20:58 It seemed as though marlow had been correct about no one finding the property. The local wildlife certainly had, though. Ella flopped onto a couch, freeing thirty years of dust. If she was never found, at least she'd die in style. Ella ejected the empty casing from the rifle and rummaged for another bullet. She wondered if any canned goods would still be edible, or if she'd find some way to call for help. Ella pressed a bullet into the chamber and closed the bolt. There may have been things she could use, but she needed to search while there was still daylight coming through the dingy windows. She begrudgingly gave up the comfort of the sofa. The door frame crashed inward, showering the imported marble with debris. The bull looked around slowly.

1:22:04 Ella ducked behind the couch and risked a peek at the animal. Years of battle scars ornamented its flesh. The bull stared back at her and snorted, its jaw hung open. Ella swore she could hear Marlowe crying deep inside its belly. She'd been so adamant about preserving the Colombian hippos, but she didn't want to die either. She raised the rifle, steadying it on the back of the couch. Tears welled up.

1:22:46 She thought about killing it to save herself, only to be killed by another one later. It would all be worthless. Then she broke down, sobbing and choking for a breath. She heard the marble cracking under his hoofs. The room shook. All she could see was the blurry mammoth form charging at her. Someone was crying out for help. Maybe it was Marlowe slowly digesting inside, or maybe it was her own voice begging for another solution. Heaving, stinking breaths assaulted her As it drew closer, Ella squeezed the trigger. You are what you eat by Rob Fields for aj Robbie Farnes walked into Mirrorn Automotive, the factory where he worked, about twenty miles from Strickfield. He didn't particularly care about the place or the job itself, but at least it was steady work with a decent paycheck. He'd been working there for a couple of years now, at least as a way to pay his way through Strickfield University. As

1:24:17 he walked through the plant to get to his work area. He knew it was going to be hot as hell. Carrying his lunch box, he knew he would soon get even more hell from one of his coworkers about what was inside. Robbie had been living the vegan lifestyle for the last few months. He had been careful to avoid eating literally anything that came from animals. That included, in addition to not eating meat, dairy eggs, or any processed food containing animal by products. Whenever he'd go out to eat, he was careful to avoid eating fried foods, cooked and shared oil. He'd even gone to a vegan festival in Eerie City. When Robbie reached his work area, he punched in at the time clock. After putting his earplugs in, he went to his locker to change into his work shoes and prepare for his shift. It wasn't long before he was greeted by a troublesome co worker in the form of Aaron Jamestown. Arin and Robbie were opposites in many ways. Robbie was a head taller than erin also thinner.

1:25:21 Robbie had long, dark hair that went down to his shoulders and was always clean shaven, while Arin kept his head shaved and had a long, shaggy beard. Robbie's skin was a clean slate, while Erin had many many tattoos. The big difference was that Erin was a hunter who always bragged about his kills, the trophies that he kept from many of them, and all the meat he had enjoyed. Then he learned that the new guy in his department, this quiet young pup, wasn't a meat eater a vegan, which got his attention in more ways than one. As always, Aaron just looked at Robbie with contempt and disgust. Robbie knew and expected this every day, but he didn't care.

1:26:11 He had been used to people picking on him about his vegan ways. Some of his other coworkers had asked him many questions about his veganism, mainly because they were curious. For the most part, people usually left him alone. Aaron Jamestown, however, had issues with Robbie and would be anything but subtle. What kind of rabbit food you bring today? Rabbit? Aaron asked, taking a seat at a picnic table across from Robbie. Robbie remained calm in spite of the nickname Erin had hung on him. He looked up at Erin, Why do you care? Aaron was twice Robbie's age and never liked when people back talked him. There were times when he wanted to just lay into Robbie. Sure Robbie always did his job and turned out great numbers, just the same to find something, anything, to justify giving Robbie a good old fashioned ass whoopan as long as they both worked for Mere and Automotive. However, Aaron couldn't physically lay a hand on Robbie in or out of the plant, not if you wanted to keep his job. What you don't want to tell me, Aaron said, in his always threatening tone.

1:27:23 Robbie sighed, Look, we both know you really don't care about the food I bring, so why don't you just save it? Aaron smiled, which Robbie knew was never a good thing. Let me explain something to you, rabbit. I don't know what you think you're doing with all this vegan bullshit. But here outside Strickfield, we're hunters. That means meat is the way we do things. We love our meat, we kill for our meat. We eat meat, eat now, you come in here with your vegan bullshit and expect us to just stop eating meat. Robbie held up his hand in front of him. WHOA, Let's get something straight.

1:28:12 I don't go around telling anybody not to eat meat. There are vegans out there that would. But I personally don't care what you eat. You eat what you want, and I'll eat what I want. I mainly do it for health reasons. If you must know, I've lost a lot of weight because of it. Aaron kept on him. So you saying we're all fat fucks because we eat meat? True, Aaron was quite portly for a little man, but Robbie wouldn't go there. I never said that. Don't put words in my mouth. Aaron threw his arms up. Why the fuck be a rabbit. Why can't you go bust your ass at the gym or something. Why you gotta be so fucking different, Robbie countered again, what do you care?

1:28:55 I'm not here to preach vegan I'm here to do my job and get paid so I can keep the light on at my place, eat and attend college. So leave me alone, okay, Aaron smiled more sinister. Now, yeah, you're a rabbit, now. He pointed at Robbie and shook his finger. I seen your kind before. You're gonna crack. You're gonna be back. You're gonna eat meat again. No, why, he leaned in a little, Because that's the way it is. Our ancestors have been hunting and eaten meat since caveman years. Meat is the way, the only way. There ain't no room in this world for fucking rabbits like you. People like you are weak, always have been. Just then, Robbie and Aaron were greeted by the presence of their boss. Aaron, you causing trouble back here again, Mike Cruz demanded. How many times have I talked to you about that? You're looking to get rowed up or what? Aaron wasn't even afraid to talk back to his own boss. You already wrote me up. What more are you gonna do. I'm just having a conversation with rabbit here. I don't see anybody here named rabbit, Mike snapped. Last time, I'm telling you quit getting in everybody's shit. I'm sorry about what happened to your sister, but mind your own goddamn business.

1:30:19 You want to keep going this way, I'll give you your final write up. After that, I'll have no other choice but to walk you out that what you want. You both do good work in this department, and I don't want to lose either one of you. But if you keep it up, Aaron, you're gonna be out on your ass. We on the same page here, Aaron chuckled and looked at Robbie. Know what, rabbit, you're part of a dying breed. I mean it, you're dead. Know why because we meet eaters hunt rabbits and other plant eaters like you. You understanding me, You fucking weakling. Only the strong survive. It's only a matter of time before you end up like all God's creatures right next to the mashed potatoes and gravy. My sister was a fucking rabbit, just like you.

1:31:01 It didn't keep her from being kidnapped and killed a few months back. And you know what, he pointed in a random direction. The fucker that did it still out there, still roaming free. And that's another thing. Women are in the same place as you, rabbits on the food chain, nothing but weak dead. Wait when the killer catches up to you, I'm gonna laugh my fucking ass off. Mike had had enough. You know what, Aeron, go home. This ain't negotiable. We don't need your shit here. It's obvious you still ain't over your sister's death. Go home and cool off. Last warning. You come back here tomorrow and start your shit again. I won't worry about no final write up. I'll just walk you out myself and you won't have a job here no more. He pointed in the direction of nearest door. Go home now. Aaron didn't move it first. Finally, he slammed his palms on the table, making sure he got Robbie's attention, then stood up, still smiling his sinister smile at Robbie. Be seeing you rabbit, move, Mike commanded him, Fuck you, I'm going, Aaron snapped. Robbie and Mike both heard Aaron yelling and cursing as he moved to the exit door and walked out of the plant.

1:32:14 Robbie was relieved not to have to work with Aaron, at least for today. Robbie managed to avoid Aaron when he returned to work. He started taking his lunchbox to a different break area and eating there. Mike had told Arin not to talk to Robbie unless it was work related, However, that didn't keep Aarin from giving him his sinister looks. Over time, Robbie had heard around the work area about what had happened to Aaron's sister, Susan. Aaron had never gotten along with Susan. True Aaron was old enough to be Robbie's father and Susan's. Aaron's mother had taken over raising him when her husband, David, had died of a heart attack. Aaron was around ten, and he never really got over the loss of his father. After that, he looked up to his uncle George, who was even meaner and more vicious than his dad. Still, Uncle George taught Erin everything he knew about hunting and fishing. Then, when Aaron had reached twenty, his mother had met a man named William Sanders. Erin didn't think much about it at first.

1:33:25 As far as he was concerned, William wasn't going to be around long. All of the other men before him had left. But months went by and William was still around. Committed to his mother, Erin never saw the surprises coming when his mother made two big announcements. The first was that she and William were getting married. The second was that she was going to have William's baby. Aaron flew into a wild rage and threatened to shoot William. As far as he was concerned, he was the man of the house. End of story. Just it's the same. William and Rosie were married. Months later Susan came into the world.

1:34:06 Aarin would never come to accept this daughter as his sister, and let William and Rosie know about it on no uncertain terms. As Susan grew up, Aarin would be verbally abusive towards her, being an overbearing bully. He never had to raise his hand to her. Over time, Susan became both angry and afraid of Erin. As long as William and Rosie were around, Susan felt some semblance of safety from Erin. Over the last two years that Susan had lived at home, she had taken up a vegan lifestyle and refused to eat anything that Aarin had put on the table for her. Aarin became increasingly frustrated and abusive with her because of it. Susan had finally decided that she wasn't going to tolerate Aarin anymore. During her junior year at Strickfield High School, Susan moved out and went to live with friends who shared her compassion for animals who were also vegan. It had taken a restraining order to keep Erin away from Susan. After Susan graduated from high school, she had gone on to Strickfield University. Aarin was around forty and had become meaner and more bitter than ever. During this time, Rosy had died, William died not too long after. By then, Susan was living in a dorm room at Strickfield u Aarin had been arrested once for breaking the restraining order during Susan's freshman year at Strickfield University. He had gotten drunk and confronted Susan in Wilder Hall, the student union building. Susan decided not

1:35:37 to press charges, and he was released. The police gave him a warning about what would happen if he broke his restraining order again. Aarin had heard through the grapevine that Susan had met someone on campus and was seeing him. He didn't know who the person was, but he was determined to find him and make life hell for any one who thought about hooking up with Susan. A few months later, Aarin was arrested again when it was revealed that both Susan and her boyfriend had been kidnapped. The remains of their body were found not too long after, with their clothes on and the flesh and muscles stripped clean off. Aaron went into a rage when he was in jail and screamed up and down that he had nothing to do with their abductions or murders. Aarin would be released since it was proven that he didn't abduct and kill Susan and her boyfriend, whose name he didn't know because he could never remember it. He had been home drinking with friends, all of whom were able to vouch for him. Aarin continued to go further down the spiral, and it showed at Mirn Automotive. If it wasn't for Mike Cruz keeping the peace, Aaron would have created quite the hostile working environment. A month later, Robbie had accepted some overtime at Miron and was given an hour break to go and get some dinner. Robbie hadn't packed extra food for the overtime period, but he knew that Rockney's Bar and Grill across the street was a place that had vegan options and decided to go there. Robbie went in and sat at the bar. Rockney himself knew Robbie

1:37:10 and told him of the vegan special, which was a meat loaf dinner with macaroni and cheese on a vegetable medley. Robbie felt the glare and saw that Aaron was sitting about four seats down from him. Still, he knew that old man Rockney didn't put up with Aaron's outbursts in his bar any more than Mike Cruz did at work. Aaron gave Robbie his sinister smile, but he made no move. Robbie looked back to Rockney. Sounds good. I'm going to go use the restroom. Your Food'll be waiting for you when you get back, kid, Rockney said. Aaron watched as Robbie walked away. He watched with even greater anticipation as Rockney prepared the college rabbit's food. He put the finished plate on the table and then put the silverware next to the plate. He finished it off by putting a glass of water down. As soon as Rockney went to the back, Aaron struck he had a big bowl of half eaten beef gravy. There was quite a bit of it left. He picked it up and moved over to Robbie's plate, after making sure that Rockney was still in the back. He tilted the bowl and poured the gravy all over everything. When he finished, he went back to his seat. When Robbie returned and sat down, he immediately noticed the gravy all over his food. When Rockney came back out, Robbie made his complaint. Rockney looked at the plate.

1:38:35 I didn't put any gravy on that, kid, he groaned. I'll get you a new plate. The fuck you will, Aaron called out. Then he pointed at Robbie. You just sit your ass down there and eat that food right there. Rockney pointed right at Aaron. I'm putting this meal on your tab, you little son of a bitch. Aaron ignored Rockney and got off his stool. Well, come on, rabbit, sit down there and eat. Don't touch that food. I'll get you a new plate, Rockney said. Aaron glared at him, No you will not. He's eating this one. He glared at Robbie. Eat that food there, or I swear to God, I'll fucking feed it to you. Myself. Since you tainted my food, I'm not touching it, Robbie replied in defiance.

1:39:21 Erin's glare turned into a sinister smile. Fine, have it your way. Aaron hauled off and punched Robbie in the face with enough force to send him backward and flying over a nearby table. Aaron was quickly around to the other side. He pulled Robbie up and hauled off on him again. Before Robbie could fall, Erin picked him up into a fireman's carry. He took Robbie to another table and slammed him right on top of it, making the table collapse. What's the matter, rabbit, Aaron taunted. It's vegan food, ain't it. I just spiced it up a little bit for you. He kicked Robbie in the gut. This place used to be just for real men. Then you fucking college kids came along with your vegan shit. Now Rockney's serving rabbit food here. He kicked Robbie in the gut again.

1:40:07 You can't even get a real man's meal here no more. He kicked Robbi in the gut one more time because of you fucking rabbits. Robbie tried to pick himself up. Aaron helped him up enough to punch him hard in the gut. Look at you. You ain't even a real fucking man. You're just some sissy ass kid who can't even fight me. Aaron grabbed Robbie's hair and pulled him back to the bar. Before Robbie could think, Aaron shoved his face right into the gravy soaked food. Then he started rubbing Robbie's face in it. Come on, rabbit, come on, eat that fucking rabbit food. Doesn't that gravy make it taste that much better? Huh? Eat as much as you want. But the sound of the pump action shotgun quickly forced Aaron to let go of Robbie. Rockney had pulled his shotgun out from underneath the bar and was now aiming it right at Aaron. Let go of the kid, you little bastard. When Aaron hesitated, Rockney screamed, I said, let him go. Aaron finally let go of Robbie and stepped back very slowly. Rockney gave Robbie a wet towel. Here, kid, wipe yourself off. Don't worry, I just called the cops.

1:41:10 Aaron raised his hands in front of him, as Rockney kept him in his sights. Now look here, old man, we wouldn't want shut the fuck up, Aaron, Rockney interrupted, You're done here. You hear me, You're banned for life from here. You ever stepped foot in my place ever again, I'll blow your goddamn head clean off. And you know I mean just what I'm saying. And don't think I ain't collecting what you owe me for wrecking my place. Then Aaron heard another voice, Hey, Aaron, you ever stepped footing mir An Automotive ever again, and I'll have security walk your grass out. Aaron quickly spun around and saw Mike Cruz standing there. He pointed right at Mike. Bullshit, you didn't see nothing. I saw enough. Mike said, you're fired.

1:41:53 You hear me, fired. Don't even bother coming back to work. I'll be in on Saturday. You can come back in and get your shit. Then Mike came over to Robbie. You okay, kid. Robbie nodded, I'll be all right. I got the police coming. Rockney told Aaron, I'm pressing charges on you. You're paying for all that damage you caused here and that ruined plate Aaron pointed at Rockney, Fuck you, old man, You ain't getting one goddamn dime out of me. He pointed at Robbie. Now this ain't over between you and me, rabbit, You're permanently on my fucking shit list. When Rockney raised the shotgun to erin again, Aaron shouted curses as he turned and stormed out of the bar.

1:42:38 Around three am, Aaron sat in his pickup truck and eyed the Mere and Automotive East parking lot. Aaron took another swig out of the bottle of whiskey he'd brought with him and felt the alcohol mix really good with his anger. He caressed the double barreled shotgun that he had sitting in the passenger side. Yeah you think I can't think a rabbit, Aaron muttered. Maybe I never knew your fucking name, but I know where you leave here from, I know what car you drive. I'll fucking kill your rabbit ass before you make it back to that panty waste college of years. He took another swig, then shouted, vegan my ass. He didn't have to wait that much longer.

1:43:24 Eventually he saw a small group of people coming out of the plant. He raised his binoculars and saw that Robbie was among them. He grinned with anticipation. Oh yeah, I'll get you, easy boy. I'll run you right off of the goddamn road. Then I'm gonna go on a little rabbit hunt. As Aaron reached over to caress his shotgun again, he suddenly realized that it was no longer there. What the fuck? Suddenly he felt the double barrels being pressed right up against the left side of his neck. Aaron turned his head to see who managed to sneak his shotgun out of the open passenger side window and brought it over to his side. His eyes went wide when he recognized the face you, Aaron choked out. Can't be You're Aaron didn't have time to finish. The person quickly raised a pistol and fired. Aaron gasped when he felt the dart hit his chest. He blacked out. Seconds later, Aaron opened his eyes and groaned, What the fuck? He mumbled.

1:44:35 Aaron sniffed and recognized that all too familiar scent of smoked meat. When he managed to overcome more of the tranquilizer, he realized that he was tied up and elevated in some backyard somewhere. He looked and saw somebody was roasting a big slab of meat over an open fire. What the fuck? He repl The person turned around, then he moved over to Aerin. In the dim light, Aaron could see Robbie. Now, Oh, hey, glad to see you're awake, Karin. Guess that was some pretty good trunk. Huh. Aaron glared down at Robbie and demanded, what the fuck you think you're doing, rabbit? Robbie laughed, why just watching you hang around? Literally, pretty soon you're going into that little building right behind you since you can't see it, it's a smokehouse. Oh and you are going to be getting smoked to perfection once you're skinned, that is. Aaron screamed with rage and tried to squirre them free. Robbie wasn't in the least bit intimidated. When Aaron couldn't fight anymore, he glared at Robbie again, let me go. God damn you, Rob, he laughed. Congratulations, asshole, you were right about me. Me being a vegan won't last. Okay,

1:46:08 when we first met, I was eating vegan, not because I wanted to, mind you, but the real truth is you were the one I was hunting. See, I'm a hunter too, except I don't just hunt deer and other wild animals. I also hunt for people that might make some great tasty meat. And yes, you were definitely right about meat being the way. Believe me, you were so right, and you are going to make some great eating once you're all finished smoking, Aaron growled. When I get my fucking hands on you, you son of a bitch. Good luck with that, Robbie said, you might want to look down at your legs, though Aaron looked down to see that he not only had no pants on longer had his lower legs only stumps where they once were. Holy fucking shit, Oh my fucking God, Jesus fucking Oh, for God's sake, would you please, for once in your life, shut the fuck up? A female voice familiar to Aaron called out from the back door. Aaron looked to see the girl who came and stood next to Robbie. I did see you outside the factory, Susan, but but you're dead.

1:47:30 Robbie wrapped an arm around Susan's waist. Then the two of them shared a kiss before they looked at Aarin again. Our plan worked lover. Susan said, yes, it did. Robbie agreed. Going to college was the best thing ever happened to me. Susan explained to Aaron. You see, when I met Robbie, he was such a sensitive guy. Yeah, he done has his problems, such as all the meat he eats, but he's still all sweet on me. I mean, I literally fell in love with him at first sight. Robbie smiled. I used to think girls were trouble, especially the ones who lived out here in the country. Then I met your sister here, a country girl, while I was at the university. Boy, did she ever catch me off guard. Now, I don't know how I ever lived without her. Anyway, When she told me about what an insufferable prick you were to her, and how she had so many sleepless nights because of you, he sighed, I flat out suggested just killing you. Susan was angry. Now, and believe me, you don't know how many times I wanted to blow your fucking head off while you was sleeping. Robbie done showed me that killing you will be so easy, will even benefit from you too. Surprise, I ain't vegan no more.

1:48:50 Turns out, I love eating meat. She giggled, a little human meat. Susan picked up a knife and carved off a small piece of the meat from the roast. She turned back to erin this here is one of your legs. Over this here fire. Aarin was horrified to see Susan put the cut of meat into her mouth and eat it. She turned to Robbie, M M smoke to perfection, baby, Robbie smiled at Aarin. For the record, I did go vegan for the last few months. See. Susan made a little bet with me. She said, I couldn't be vegan for two whole months, so I agreed to try it, but in turn agreed to try eating human flesh. If I made it two months, which I did today, she would go back to eating meat on a full time basis.

1:49:40 He turned to her. Don't worry, hun, I won't hold you to it. If you want to be vegan, it's fine by me. They shared another kiss. Then Susan said, vegan food is mighty good, but I'll consider eating human steaks as long as it don't bother you that I still want to eat vegan. Robbi should his head. No, we can eat vegan food. You were right, it's actually not bad. I'd say we found our happy medium, you and me. They kissed one more time again. Aaron struggled to free himself. He roared and thrashed with all his might. Finally he realized it was all useless and gave up.

1:50:22 You were dead, Susan, Aaron protested, you and your college boyfriend both you saw two bodies were done, carved up. Susan corrected him. Robbie and I put our clothes on them bodies. The police never even thought to do any kind of forensics to see if they was really us or not. We're both legally dead. My new name is Megan Farnes. Now. We got married shortly after we decided we was gonna kill you. Speaking of killing you, Aaron, Robbie said, we're going to strip the flesh off you. Then we'll put you in the smokehouse and smoke you to perfection, just like we did your legs. Susan wanted to keep you alive long enough so she could see you before we do what needs to be done. I know I'll savor every bite until you're gone. Megan murmured, still think I'm a rabbit now, you short, little fat fucker, Robbie teased. This is bullshit. Aaron cried, bullshit. Putting up with you all them years of my life was bullshit.

1:51:27 Megan snapped. Now I'll sleep peacefully and with my wonderful man. She glanced at Robbie. I'm done talking to this shit heel now. Thank you for this opportunity. Honey, I love you. I love you too, Babe. Here, I'll give you the honors, Robbie said, handing her a buck knife. Megan stepped up onto a sturdy metal ladder to look at Aaron one last time. This is for my life of hell, you fucking Neanderthal. Aaron screamed as Megan stabbed him hard in his stomach. His blood was spurting out quickly. He groaned, intent on not giving up on his life. Megan knew this and drew back again for another hard stab. Aaron Johnson knew that the second stab would be the end.

1:52:25 Rude awakenings by Rob Fields. Shawnee Jerrold never had a problem getting to bed on time. In fact, she was usually in bed by eleven when she had to work the next morning. When she didn't have to work, she would stay up late, which meant sleeping in late. But today wasn't one of those days. Shawnee smiled softly, no doubt having an exciting dream, But her smile faded when she finally heard her smartphone ringing. She opened her eyes slowly, sat up, grabbed her phone, and muttered, whoever is calling me better have a good reason for it. Hello, she snapped, Shannie, get in here, a female voice said quickly on the other end, Bev. Shannie asked, get in here. BEV repeated, you're an hour late for work. Shawnnie gasped an hour late. Yes, BEV confirmed, hurry get in here. Brent is pissed. Just a second, Bev, Shawne muttered. Shannie looked down at her clock.

1:53:25 It was almost noon. She pressed the alarm check button. The display read ten am, just the way it should have. This was the second day in a row her alarm clock had refused to cooperate. Tell Brent, I'll be right in, Shawnee muttered. Shawnnie walked into the Mall's bookstore where she worked. When Bev saw her, she quickly motioned for her to come to the checkout counter. Brent wants to see you, stat Bev said, He's really pissed Shawnnie Jerrel. A masculine voice called out. The two girls turned to see a man in his mid twenties standing near the back room entrance. His eyes seemingly burned right through Shawnee. Hi Brent, Shawnee Weekly murmured. He held up a hand to silence her.

1:54:06 In my office now. BEV gave Shawnee a look that wished her luck. After work, Shawnee pulled her car up to the closest plaza from her house. She quickly parked the car, got out, BEV in tow, and pulled on the doors of the department store, but found them locked. Fuck. Shawnee turned and leaned against one of the doors. This sucks. I should have been watching the time. Fuck. Aren't there other places nearby that sell clocks? BEV asked, Yeah, but they're closed by now, Shawnee muttered, and I don't want some cheap piece of shit. I need a good clock and loud. You say you're looking for a loud alarm clock.

1:54:49 A voice called out nearby. The girls turned to see a man in his late forties standing in the doorway of a store next door. The man had graying hair and looked pleasant but there was something about him that just didn't feel right. Shawne couldn't say anything to Bev about it right then, but she wasn't about to turn down the possibility for getting a working alarm clock tonight. Yeah, Shawnee answered, I need one that'll wake me up, and it's gotta be loud. Why don't you step inside for a little bit, The man suggested, I think I can help you. As the girls walked toward the store, they looked up and saw the sign above the door Tinkers.

1:55:31 The man motioned for them to enter as he held the door open. The store was filled with what appeared to be many used electronic items. I've never seen this place before, Bev said me. Neither. Shannie agreed, because people don't think to look here for things when they need them. The man said, I have an alarm clock in the back that I think you might be interested in. Sure, Shawnie answered earned and walked into the back room. Seconds later, he returned with a small electronic clock. Would you like to examine it? Tinker asked, Sure, Shawnee answered. Tinker handed the alarm clock to her. It appeared to be a standard ge brand electronic alarm clock. If you wish to buy this one, I can make you a really good deal.

1:56:23 Tinker offered, what kind of deal. I'll sell it to you for five dollars. I'll take it excellent. Tinker motioned to the register to ring up the purchase. Tinker saw the girls to the door. Once they were out and returning to their car, he closed his shop At eight o'clock the next morning, the alarm on her new clock kicked on. The repeated blaring woke Shawnee up. Immediately. She quickly turned and pushed the alarm stop button. Shawnee stared at the clock for a moment. Then she took a deep breath and smiled. She got out of bed, grabbed work clothes, and headed to the bathroom to get ready.

1:57:03 Shawnee walked in through the employee entrance to the bookstore with a good fifteen minutes to spare hi Brent. Shawnee murmured, well, look who's here, he exclaimed. Looks like you get to keep your job, he added jokingly, for at least another day. It seemed eight o'clock came almost immediately after she fell asleep. That night, Shawnee shrieked and suddenly sat bolt upright in bed. She quickly reached over and shut the alarm off. The alarm had all but scared her half to death. After she collected herself, she got out of bed and looked at the clock. You seem louder today than you were yesterday, she said to the clock. She picked it up and found the volume control knob. It was still where she had said it. She turned the volume down slightly and put the clock back down. Thursday morning came when Shawnie's alarm went off. It was so loud that she shot right awake and fell out of bed, trying to slap the alarm stop button. When Shawnee stepped out of the house, she heard the front door of her neighbor's house open.

1:58:07 Mister Sizemore stepped outside and glared at her with the most hateful eyes. You the one making all that racket this early in the goddamn morning, he snapped, accusingly. What racket? Shawnee answered, confused, What racket? He pointed sharply up to her bedroom window. That fucking racket you've been making at eight every morning since Tuesday. I don't know what you're talking about, mister Sizemore. The only sound that's been going off at around that time is my clock. Now, if you'll excuse me, I don't want to be late for work, mister Sizemore pointed sharply at her. I shouldn't have to hear all that shit every day like that, especially this early in the goddamn morning. He stormed back into his house and slammed the door shut. Shawnie rolled her eyes as she stepped off the porch whatever. She got into her car and headed off to work. The next day's alarm was so loud that Shawnee screamed from fright. But this time the alarm wasn't sounding off in continuous blares.

1:59:09 It was one continuing blare. She reached over to the clock and pressed the alarm stop button. The alarm didn't shut off. Shut up, she screamed, pressing the button again. Shut up. She pressed the alarm stop button one more time. Finally there was silence. As soon as she walked outside, she was greeted by an unfriendly, familiar voice. I warned you about that fucking racket, young lady, mister Sizemore snapped, But I didn't do it, Shawnee almost shouted. Just then, her other neighbor, an elderly woman, came out onto her porch and shouted at her, listen you. If I have to put up with that loud racket at this time of the morning one more time, I'm going to call the police. But it wasn't me, Shawnnie protested. The old woman ignored her and stormed back into her house, slamming the door sh behind her. Shawnie then realized that some of the other neighbors were looking over at her house, probably for the same reason. She also realized there was only one thing that could have possibly been making all the noise, her new alarm clock. She turned and walked back into the house, walked back upstairs and into her bedroom.

2:00:20 She went to the alarm clock and unplugged it from the wall outlet. She needed to return it to Tinkers and get a refund. As the girls were shelving the new books that came in, Shawnie told Bev about her clock and how her neighbors had complained or stared at her. Bev just looked at her. I'm not making this up. Shawnee exclaimed that new clock is loud enough to wake the whole neighborhood. Shannie, I've got a suggestion. Bev held up her index finger. Why don't you just turn the alarm down? I did two days in a row. Shawnie was frustrated. But when the alarm went off this morning, it was so loud. I woke up just like that, and both my next door neighbors gave me hell about it.

2:01:06 Bev's face then lit up. Let's take it back to the store and tell Tinker about it. But first I have to hear it. Oh I don't know, Bev. Come on, bring it over tonight. The girls are coming over. We can annoy them too. Oh kay, Shawnee said reluctantly. That night, the girls gathered at Bev's house. Bev lived in a large house just outside of town. Her closest neighbors were in the graveyard across the road. In addition to Shawnee, Bev that invited two close friends to her sleepover. The first was Mary Deacons, a slender, geeky girl who was always game for anything exciting. And then there was Pam Wesley, a girl who lived on the mischievous side. Your alarm clock really wakes up your neighbors, Pam asked Shawnie. Uh huh, Shawnie answered, well. BEV motioned at the clock. Shawnee looked at the device, shrugged, and set the alarm to go off in a minute's time, and it did louder than ever before. Shawnie, your alarm clock really rules, Pam cheered, shut up. A voice shouted, seemingly coming from nowhere. Can't a guy get any sleep around here? Another voice, a raspy one, called out, turn that blasted thing off. Another voice shouted, The girls started in fright. Mary rose and went to the nearest window. Holy shit, Mary screamed. Shawnie saw that Mary was frantically pointing to the graveyard across

2:02:38 the street, and then she screamed too. Corpses were coming up out of the ground. Some of them were already shambling past the graveyard entrance. Turn that thing off. Shut up, shut up? Who dares awaken us from our eternal sleep. I'm gonna kill whoever's making that noise. Shawne quickly turned and yanked the clock plug from the wall. The alarm was still blaring. Shawnee shrieked and fumbled with the volume control knob. She turned it in the direction of a lower setting, but nothing was happening. Bev raced to the front door and locked it. I'll get the back door, Pam shouted, running for it. Get the side door too, Bev shouted back. Mary looked out through the front door's window and saw the living dead were in the yard now, some almost to the front porch. Bev screamed, they're here.

2:03:30 What the fuck are we gonna do? Shannie shouted. Bev turned to her, turn that fucking clock off. I'm trying, as Shannie pressed all the buttons on the clock repeatedly, but the alarm still wouldn't stop blaring. Pam returned, the doors are all locked. She turned to Shawnee. Turn off that clock. This isn't funny anymore. I'm trying, Shannie repeated, try harder. Pam shouted, give me that. Bev snatched the clock from Shawnee. Bev held it up high before flinging it to the hard floor. The clock smashed against it with a loud bang. The alarm still didn't stop blaring, and the clock wasn't even damaged. By now, the girls were putting their hands to their ears to try and block out the horrible racket. Pam hollered out, they're at the front window. There are more at the door, Shanie added, What the fuck are we gonna do? Bev cried out the back Mary suggested Quickly, Shannie grabbed the clock and followed the others out the back door. The living dead were now in the backyard. The girls ran off the back porch before the dead could block them in. A zombie wearing a Civil War style uniform almost grabbed Shawnee.

2:04:37 Turn that blasted thing off, it rasped in a shout at her, let us sleep in eternal peace. A female zombie wearing a tattered white wedding gown added. Shawnie was really frustrated. She took the alarm clock by the cord and swung it hard and fast onto the hard stone walkway. When the clock hit it was still not damaged, nor did the blaring s stop. Where can we go? Mary shouted, Those things are everywhere. Pam turned to Shawnnie, will you shut that fucking thing off? I'm trying, Shawnee screamed. The girls ran into the garage through the side door. Bev locked it behind them. She turned to Shannee, grab a hammer or something and smashed that fucking clock. Shannie saw a sledgehammer on a nearby workbench and grabbed it, throwing the clock down. She lifted the heavy hammer up over her head with a loud scream. She swung the hammer down at the accursed clock. She hit it right on the mark, but the clock was still undamaged and still blaring loudly. I don't believe this shit, Shannie cried. Everybody looked at the still undamaged clock. The dead had surrounded the garage. The female zombie, wearing the tattered wedding gown, shattered one of the garage windows with a single blow.

2:05:54 Glass yards flew inside. We're coming in, The female zombie gurgled you you will all suffer for awaking us. Then it reached both of its decaying arms inside and cradled the lethal object that was hanging on a nearby utensil rack. She's got an axe, Shannie screamed frantically. We're coming in. The zombie cheered, gurgling. The girl screamed as the zombie started chopping away. Shannee continued to smash the alarm clock with the sledgehammer, but no matter how hard she swung, no matter how many times she hit it, the clock would neither stop blaring nor be destroyed for anything. The zombie bride had finally chopped its way through the garage door.

2:06:38 Another zombie smashed its way through the side door window and stuck its hand inside to unlock the door. Mary quickly grabbed a nearby mallet, ran to the side door, and bashed the zombie's head. The zombie cried out and looked up at Mary. Then it screamed loudly at her. Mary screamed in terror with the zombie, she screamed even louder as the door broke off with the zombie Mary hit. Now walking inside, Shawnie gave up trying to smash the clock. Seeing it was pointless, she dropped the sledgehammer and picked up the clock. As she did, she saw a small rectangular outline on the clock's bottom. Of course, Shannie thought, these alarm clocks have a battery backup in case the plug is pulled out of the wall or the power goes out at home. The zombie Bride raised the axe, intent on striking Shawnee. Just as she had opened the battery backup compartment. One hard jerk severed the industrial strength nine volt battery from its connectors. The clock had finally stopped blaring. The zombies turned and started shambling back toward the graveyard. Shannie knew what she was doing after work.

2:07:45 The next day, when work was over, the girls punched out, got into Bev's car, and headed for Tinkers. I hope you can get your money back, Bev said, you've got the receipt. Shawnnie groaned, I don't care about that. I just want this fucking thing gone. The girls suddenly stopped dead in their tracks. Bullshit, Shawnnie cried in shock. Bev was just as shocked. The store that was once Tinkers was only an empty suite now. Shawnee pointed sharply to the empty suite. I bought this clock here, Bev. I know I did. You don't have to convince me, Shannie.

2:08:25 I was here with you. But how did he move out so quickly? Shawnie shrugged wearily and through the clock where the shop once stood, turned and walked away. As the girls walked off, Tinker reached down and picked up the clock. He held it up in front of him and laughed and laughed and laughed. Well, my spookies, if the IDEs of Marchev taught us anything, here tonight, it's this. Don't trust the water, don't trust the wilderness, and absolutely do not trust anything that looks like it crawled out of a story someone like me told just to scare you.

2:09:20 Because sometimes the swamp gives you a legend, sometimes it gives you a problem. Sometimes, stay hungry is motivational, and sometimes it's a threat. Sometimes you are what you eat, and sometimes that's the most horrifying medical update you'll ever receive. And as for rude awakenings, look, I'm not saying your alarm clock is evil. I'm just saying if it starts going off when you didn't set it, maybe just let the undead handle your morning routine. They seem very self starting.

2:10:00 So lock up, keep your snacks inside the house, and if you hear something splashing outside at night, congratulations, you've been promoted to person who minds their business and survives. Thanks for joining me on this compilation, and I'll see you back here next Saturday for four more tales of the Odds of March. Until then, sleep tight, and if you wake up suddenly, maybe don't look at the clock.