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One of my favorite memories of scaring myself as a
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child was getting a compilation book of Edgar Allan Poe's
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stories from my elementary school library. It brought me so
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much fear and so much excitement. I remember running home
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from school with that book in my backpack as the
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sky was dark and a storm was coming. I was
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in my childhood living room, but I wasn't alone. I
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had a pizza and the books of Poe. Every so
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often I'll bring you a tale of Poe, and I
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hope it gives you that scary fun sense, just the
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same as it does for me. So listen to these
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words from our sponsors, and when the clock strikes midnight,
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the story will begin hop Frog by Edgar Allan Poe.
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I never knew anyone so keenly alive to a joke
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as the King was. He seemed to live only for joking.
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To tell a good story of the joke kind, and
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to tell it well, was the surest road to his favor.
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Thus it happened that his seven ministers were all noted
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for their accomplishments as jokesters. They all took after the
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king two in being large, corpulent, oily men, as well
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as imitable jokers. Whether people grow fat by joking, or
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whether there is something in fat itself which predisposes to
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a joke, I have never been quite able to determine.
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But certain it is that a lean joker is a
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rava avis in terrace about the refinements, or, as he
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called them, the ghost of wit, the King troubled himself
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very little. He had an especial admiration for breadth in
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a jest, and would often put up with length for
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the sake of it. Over niceties wearied him. He would
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have preferred Rablai's gargantua to a Zadig of Voltaire, and
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upon the whole, practical jokes suited his taste far better
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than verbal ones. At the date of my narrative, professing
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jesters had not altogether gone out of fashion at court.
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Several of the great continental powers still retained their fools,
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who wore motley with caps and bells, and who were
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expected to be always ready with sharp witticisms at a
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moment's notice, in consideration of the crumbs that fell well
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from the royal table. Our King, as a matter of course,
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retained his fool. The fact is he required something in
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the way of folly, if only to counterbalance the heavy
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wisdom of the seven wise men who were his ministers.
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Not to mention himself his fool or professional jester was
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not only a fool, however, his value was trebled in
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the eyes of the king by the fact of his
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being also a dwarf and a cripple. Dwarfs were as
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common at court in those days as fools, and many
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monarchs would have found it difficult to get through their days.
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Days are rather longer at court than elsewhere without both
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a jester to laugh with and a dwarf to laugh at.
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But as I have already observed, your jesters in ninety
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nine cases out of a hundred, are fat, round and unwieldy,
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so that it was no small source of self gratulation
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with our King that in hop frog this was the
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fool's name, he possessed a triplicate treasure in one person.
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I believe the name hop Frog was not that given
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to the dwarf by his sponsors at baptism, but was
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conferred upon him by general consent of the several ministers
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on account of his inability to walk as other men do.
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In fact, hop Frog could only get along by a
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sort of interjectional gait, something between a leap and a wriggle,
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a movement that afforded illimitable amusement and of course consolation
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to the King, for notwithstanding the protuberance of his stomach
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and a constitutional swelling of the head, the King by
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his whole court was accounted a capital figure. But although
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hop Frog, through the distortion of his legs, could move
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only with great pain and difficulty along a road or floor,
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the Projudice's muscular power, which nature seemed to have bestowed
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upon his arms by way of compensation for deficiency in
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the lower limbs, enabled him to perform many feats of
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wonderful dexterity where trees or ropes were in question, or
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anything else to climb. At such exercises, he certainly much
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more resembled a squirrel or a small monkey than a frog.
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I am not able to say with precision from what
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country hop Frog originally came. It was from some barbarous region, however,
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that no person had ever heard of a vast distance
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from the court of our King. Hop Frog and a
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young girl, very little, less dwarfish than himself, although of
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exquisite proportions and a marvelous dancer, had been forcibly carried
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off from their respective homes in adjoining provinces, and sent
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as presents to the King by one of his ever
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victorious generals. Under these circumstances, it is not to be
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wondered at that a close intimacy arose between the two
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little captives. Indeed, they soon became sworn friends. Hop Frog, who,
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although he made a great deal of sport, was by
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no means popular, had it not in his power to
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render Tripetta many services. But she, on account of her
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grace and exquisite beauty, although a dwarf, was universally admired
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and petted, so she possessed much influence and never failed
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to use it whenever she could for the benefit of
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hop Frog. On some grand state occasion. I forgot what
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the King determined to have a masquerade, And whenever a
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masquerade or anything of that kind occurred at our court,
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then the talents of both hop Frog and Tripetta were
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sure to be called in to play. Hop Frog in
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a special was so inventive in the way of getting
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up pageants, suggested novel characters, and arranging costumes for masked balls,
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that nothing could be done, it seems, without his assistance.
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The night appointed for the fee had arrived, a gorgeous
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hall had been fitted up under Tripetta's eye with every
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kind of device which could possibly give eclat to a masquerade.
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The whole court was in a fever of expectation. As
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for costumes and characters, it might well be supposed that
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everybody had come to a decision on such points. Many
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had made up their minds as to what roles they
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should assume a week or even a month in advance,
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And in fact there was not a particle of indecision
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anywhere except in the case of the King and his
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seven ministers. Why they hesitated I never could tell, unless
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they did it by way of a joke. More probably,
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they found it difficult, on account of being so fat,
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to make up their minds at all events, time flew
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and as as the last resort, they sent for Tripetta
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and hop Frog. When the two little friends obeyed the
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summons of the King, they found him sitting at his
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wine with seven members of his cabinet council. But the
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monarch appeared to be in a very ill humor. He
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knew that hop Frog was not fond of wine, for
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it excited the poor cripple almost to madness, and madness
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is no comfortable feeling. But the King loved his practical
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jokes and took pleasure in forcing hop Frog to drink.
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Come here, hop frog, said he as the jester and
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his friend entered the room. Swallow this bumper to the
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health of your absent friends. Here hop Frog sighed, and
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then let us have the benefit of your invention. We
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want characters, characters, man, something novel out of the way.
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We are wearied with this everlasting sameness. Come drink the
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wine will brighten your wits. Hop Frog endeavored as usual
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to get up a jest in reply to these advances
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from the king, but the effort was too much. It
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happened to be the poor dwarf's birthday, and the command
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to drink to his absent friends forced the tears to
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his eyes. Many large bitter drops fell into the goblet
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as he took it humbly from the hand of the tyrant.
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A ha, roared the latter, as the dwarf reluctantly drained
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the beaker. See what a glass of good wine can do.
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Why your eyes are shining already, poor fellow, His large
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eyes gleamed rather than shone, for the effect of wine
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on his excitable brain was not more powerful than instantaneous.
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He placed the goblet nervously on the table and looked
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round upon the company with a half insane stare. They
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all seemed highly amused at the success of the king's joke.
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And now to business, said the Prime minister, a very
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fat man. Yes, said the king. Come lend us your assistance. Characters,
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my fine fellow, we stand in need of characters, all
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00:16:04.480 --> 00:16:04.840
of us.
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Haaa.
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And as this was seriously meant for a joke, his
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laugh was chorused by the seven hop Frog also laughed,
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although feebly and somewhat vacantly. Come, Come, said the king, impatiently.
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Have you nothing to suggest? I am endeavoring to think
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of something novel, replied the dwarf abstractedly, for he was
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quite bewildered by the wine. Endeavoring, cried the tyrant fiercely,
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00:16:40.320 --> 00:16:41.720
What do you mean by that?
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Ah?
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I perceive you are sulky and want more wine? Here,
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00:16:48.080 --> 00:16:52.519
drink this, And he poured out another gobletful and offered
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it to the cripple, who merely gazed at it, gasping
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for breath. Drink, I say, shouted monster, or by the fiends.
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The dwarf hesitated. The king grew purple with rage. The
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00:17:08.400 --> 00:17:13.680
courtiers smirked. Tripetta, pale as a corpse, advanced to the
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monarch's seat, and, falling on her knees before him, implored
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him to spare her friend. The tyrant regarded her for
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00:17:22.759 --> 00:17:27.599
some moments in evident wonder at her audacity, He seemed
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quite at a loss what to do or say, how
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most becomingly to express his indignation. At last, without uttering
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a syllable, he pushed her violently from him, and threw
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the contents of the brimming goblet in her face. The
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poor girl got up the best she could, and, not
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daring even to sigh, resumed her position at the foot
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of the table. There was a dead silence for about
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half a minute, during which the fall of a leaf
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00:18:01.039 --> 00:18:05.039
or of a feather might have been heard. It was
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00:18:05.079 --> 00:18:09.519
interrupted by a low, but harsh and protracted grating sound,
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00:18:10.000 --> 00:18:12.839
which seemed to come at once from every corner of
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the room. What what are you making that noise? For?
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00:18:18.319 --> 00:18:23.240
Demanded the King, turning furiously to the dwarf. The latter
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00:18:23.359 --> 00:18:27.799
seemed to have recovered in great measure from his intoxication, and,
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looking fixedly but quietly into the tyrant's face, merely ejaculated. Ah,
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00:18:34.680 --> 00:18:38.960
I how could it have been me? The sound appeared
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00:18:38.960 --> 00:18:43.240
to come from without, observed one of the courtiers. I
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00:18:43.319 --> 00:18:46.000
fancy it was the parrot at the window, wetting his
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00:18:46.119 --> 00:18:51.519
bill upon his cage wires. True, replied the monarch as
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00:18:51.559 --> 00:18:55.319
if much relieved by the suggestion. But on the honor
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of a night, I could have sworn that it was
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the gritting of this vagabond's teeth. Hereupon the dwarf laughed.
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The king was too confirmed a joker to object to
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00:19:06.359 --> 00:19:10.720
any one's laughing, and displayed a set of large, powerful,
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00:19:10.880 --> 00:19:16.960
and very repulsive teeth. Moreover, he avowed his perfect willingness
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to swallow as much wine as desired. The monarch was pacified,
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00:19:23.039 --> 00:19:27.000
and having drained another bumper with no very perceptible ill effect,
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00:19:27.680 --> 00:19:30.880
hop Frog entered at once and with spirit into the
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plans for the masquerade. I cannot tell what was the
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00:19:35.279 --> 00:19:40.920
association of the idea. Observed he very tranquility, and as
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00:19:40.920 --> 00:19:44.279
if he had never tasted wine in his life. But
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just after your majesty had struck the girl and thrown
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the wine in her face, just after your majesty had
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00:19:51.039 --> 00:19:54.200
done this, and while the parrot was making that odd
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00:19:54.279 --> 00:19:58.079
noise outside the window, there came into my mind a
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00:19:58.200 --> 00:20:03.599
capital diversion, one of my own country frolics often enacted
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00:20:03.599 --> 00:20:07.160
among us at our masquerades. But here it will be
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new altogether. Unfortunately, however, it requires a company of eight persons,
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and here we are, cried the King, laughing at his
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00:20:17.720 --> 00:20:22.279
acute discovery of the coincidence eight to a fraction. I
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00:20:22.519 --> 00:20:27.240
and my seven ministers come. What is the diversion we
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00:20:27.319 --> 00:20:33.359
call it, replied the cripple the eight chained orangutangs. And
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00:20:33.440 --> 00:20:37.799
it really is excellent sport. If well enacted, we will
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00:20:37.920 --> 00:20:42.079
enact it, remarked the King, drawing himself up and lowering
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his eyelids. The beauty of the game continued hop Frog
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00:20:47.400 --> 00:20:51.920
lies in the fright at occasions among the women. Capital
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00:20:52.880 --> 00:20:57.039
roared in chorus. The monarch and his ministry, I will
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00:20:57.039 --> 00:21:02.039
equip you as orangutangs preceded the leave all that to me.
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00:21:02.519 --> 00:21:06.000
The resemblance shall be so striking that the company of
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masqueraders will take you for real beasts, and of course
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they will be as much terrified as astonished.
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Oh this is.
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Exquisite, exclaimed the King, hop Frog. I will make a
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man of you. The chains are for the purpose of
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increasing the confusion. By their jangling you are supposed to
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have escaped in mass from your keepers. Your majesty cannot
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00:21:32.240 --> 00:21:37.640
conceive the effect produced at a masquerade by eight chained orangutangs.
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Imagine to be real ones by most of the company,
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and rushing in with savage cries among the crowd of
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delicately and gorgeously habited men and women. The contrast is inimitable,
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00:21:52.400 --> 00:21:56.279
it must be said. The King and the council arose hurriedly,
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00:21:56.680 --> 00:21:59.640
as it was growing late, to put in execution the
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00:21:59.680 --> 00:22:04.440
scheme of hop Frog. His mode of equipping the party
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00:22:04.480 --> 00:22:09.160
as orangutangs, was very simple, but effective enough for his purposes.
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The animals in question had, at the epoch of my
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story very rarely been seen in any part of the
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civilized world, and as the imitations made by the dwarf
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were sufficiently beastlike and more than sufficiently hideous, their truthfulness
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to nature was thus thought to be secured. The King
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and his ministers were first encased in tight fitting stockinet
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shirts and drawers. They were then saturated with tar. At
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00:22:40.799 --> 00:22:43.720
this stage of the process, some one of the party
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suggested feathers, but the suggestion was at once overruled by
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the dwarf, who soon convinced the eight by ocular demonstration
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that the hair of such a brute as the orangutang
335
00:22:56.920 --> 00:23:01.519
was much more efficiently represented by flu a thick coating
336
00:23:01.599 --> 00:23:05.440
of the latter was accordingly plastered upon the coating of tar.
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A long chain was now procured. First it was passed
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around the waist of the king, and tied then about
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another of the party, and also tied then about all
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successively in the same manner. When this chaining arrangement was complete,
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and the party stood as far apart from each other
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as possible, they formed a circle, and to make things
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appear natural, hop frog passed the residue of the chain
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in two diameters at right angles across the circle, after
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the fashion adopted at the present day by those who
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captured chimpanzees or other large apes in Borneo. The grand
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saloon in which the masquerade was to take place was
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a circular room, very lofty and receiving the light of
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the sun only through a single window at top at night,
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the season and for which the apartment was especially designed.
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It was illuminated principally by a large chandelier, depending by
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a chain from the center of the skylight, and lowered
353
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or elevated by means of a counterbalance. As usual, but
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in order not to look unsightly, this latter passed outside
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the cupola and over the roof. The arrangements of the
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00:24:23.799 --> 00:24:27.759
room had been left to Tripetta's superintendence, but in some
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particulars it seems she had been guided by the calmer
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judgment of her friend the Dwarf, at his suggestion. It
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00:24:36.039 --> 00:24:40.440
was that on this occasion the chandelier was removed its
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waxen drippings, which, in whether so warm it was quite
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impossible to prevent, would have been seriously detrimental to the
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rich dresses of the guests, who, on account of the
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crowded state of the saloon, could not all be expected
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to keep from out its center, that is to say,
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from under the shit. Additional sconces were set in various
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parts of the hall out of the war, and a
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flambeau emitting sweet odor was placed in the right hand
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00:25:10.400 --> 00:25:14.079
of each of the carryadids that stood against the wall,
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00:25:14.559 --> 00:25:17.160
some fifty or sixty altogether.
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The eight Orangutangs, taking Hopfrog's advice, waited patiently until midnight,
424
00:27:56.799 --> 00:28:00.920
when the room was thoroughly filled with masqueraders, before making
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00:28:00.960 --> 00:28:05.200
their appearance. No sooner had the clock ceased striking, however,
426
00:28:05.599 --> 00:28:09.839
than they rushed, or rather rolled in all together, for
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00:28:09.920 --> 00:28:12.920
the impediments of their chains caused most of the party
428
00:28:12.960 --> 00:28:16.720
to fall and all to stumble as they entered. The
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00:28:16.799 --> 00:28:20.960
excitement among the masqueraders was prodigious and filled the heart
430
00:28:21.039 --> 00:28:24.960
of the king with glee. As had been anticipated, there
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00:28:25.000 --> 00:28:27.559
were not a few of the guests who supposed the
432
00:28:27.599 --> 00:28:31.680
ferocious looking creatures to be beasts of some kind in reality,
433
00:28:32.119 --> 00:28:37.119
if not precisely orangutangs. Many of the women swooned with affright,
434
00:28:37.640 --> 00:28:40.799
and had not the king taken the precaution to exclude
435
00:28:40.839 --> 00:28:44.279
all weapons from the saloon, his party might soon have
436
00:28:44.359 --> 00:28:48.519
expiated their frolic in their blood. As it was, a
437
00:28:48.640 --> 00:28:52.079
general rush was made for the doors, but the king
438
00:28:52.160 --> 00:28:55.480
had ordered them to be locked immediately upon his entrance,
439
00:28:56.000 --> 00:28:59.720
and at the Dwarf's suggestion, the keys had been deposited
440
00:29:00.319 --> 00:29:04.200
with him. While the tumult was at its height, and
441
00:29:04.279 --> 00:29:08.200
each masquerader attentive only to his own safety, for in
442
00:29:08.319 --> 00:29:11.519
fact there was much real danger from the pressure of
443
00:29:11.519 --> 00:29:16.119
the excited crowd. The chain by which the chandelier ordinarily hung,
444
00:29:16.559 --> 00:29:19.599
and which had been drawn up on its removal, might
445
00:29:19.640 --> 00:29:25.039
have been seen very gradually to descend until its hooked
446
00:29:25.079 --> 00:29:30.759
extremity came within three feet of the floor. Soon after this,
447
00:29:31.119 --> 00:29:34.119
the king and his seven friends, having reeled about the
448
00:29:34.200 --> 00:29:38.240
hall in all directions, found themselves at length in its center,
449
00:29:38.359 --> 00:29:44.039
and of course in immediate contact with the chain. While
450
00:29:44.079 --> 00:29:47.680
they were thus situated, the dwarf, who had followed noiselessly
451
00:29:47.759 --> 00:29:50.440
at their heels, inciting them to keep up the commotion,
452
00:29:50.880 --> 00:29:53.480
took hold of their own chain at the intersection of
453
00:29:53.519 --> 00:29:57.279
the two portions, which crossed the circle diametrically and at
454
00:29:57.359 --> 00:30:01.799
right angles. Here, with the rapidity of thought, he inserted
455
00:30:01.839 --> 00:30:05.160
the hook from which the chandelier had been wont to depend,
456
00:30:05.720 --> 00:30:10.160
and in an instant, by some unseen agency, the chandelier
457
00:30:10.240 --> 00:30:13.240
chain was drawn so far upward as to take the
458
00:30:13.319 --> 00:30:17.720
hook out of reach, and as an inevitable consequence, to
459
00:30:17.839 --> 00:30:23.240
drag the orangutangs together in close connection and face to face.
460
00:30:24.160 --> 00:30:28.000
The masqueraders, by this time had recovered in some measure
461
00:30:28.319 --> 00:30:31.839
from their alarm, and beginning to regard the whole matter
462
00:30:31.920 --> 00:30:35.680
as a well contrived pleasantry, set up a loud shout
463
00:30:35.720 --> 00:30:39.400
of laughter at the predicament of the apes. Leave them
464
00:30:39.480 --> 00:30:43.759
to me, now, screamed hop Frog, his shrill voice making
465
00:30:43.799 --> 00:30:48.160
itself easily heard through all the din Leave them to me.
466
00:30:48.359 --> 00:30:51.240
I fancy I know them. If I can only get
467
00:30:51.279 --> 00:30:53.920
a good look at them, I can soon tell who
468
00:30:54.000 --> 00:30:57.960
they are. Here. Scrambling over the heads of the crowd,
469
00:30:58.440 --> 00:31:01.720
he managed to get to the wall when seizing a
470
00:31:01.720 --> 00:31:05.039
flambeaux from one of the caryatids. He returned as he
471
00:31:05.119 --> 00:31:08.160
went to the center of the room, leaping with the
472
00:31:08.200 --> 00:31:11.960
agility of a monkey upon the king's head, and thence
473
00:31:12.079 --> 00:31:15.559
clambered a few feet up the chain, holding down the
474
00:31:15.640 --> 00:31:20.200
torch to examine the group of orangutangs, and still screaming,
475
00:31:20.920 --> 00:31:25.000
I shall soon find out who they are. And now,
476
00:31:25.799 --> 00:31:30.400
while the whole assembly the apes included were convulsed with laughter,
477
00:31:31.519 --> 00:31:35.880
the jester suddenly uttered a shrill whistle when the chain
478
00:31:36.000 --> 00:31:39.799
flew violently up for about thirty feet, dragging with it
479
00:31:39.839 --> 00:31:44.200
the dismayed and struggling orangutanes, and leaving them suspended in
480
00:31:44.319 --> 00:31:47.680
mid air between the skylight and the floor. Hop Frog,
481
00:31:47.799 --> 00:31:51.240
clinging to the chain as it rose, still maintained his
482
00:31:51.359 --> 00:31:55.680
relative position in respect to the eight maskers, and still,
483
00:31:55.720 --> 00:31:59.200
as if nothing were the matter, continued to thrust his
484
00:31:59.359 --> 00:32:03.839
torch toward them, as though endeavoring to discover who they were.
485
00:32:04.599 --> 00:32:08.400
So thoroughly astonished was the whole company at this ascent
486
00:32:08.960 --> 00:32:12.200
that a dead silence of about a minute's duration ensued.
487
00:32:12.839 --> 00:32:16.480
It was broken by such a low, harsh, grating sound
488
00:32:16.920 --> 00:32:19.880
as had before attracted the attention of the King and
489
00:32:20.000 --> 00:32:23.200
as counselors when the former threw the wine in the
490
00:32:23.240 --> 00:32:27.799
face of Tripetta. But on the present occasion there could
491
00:32:27.839 --> 00:32:31.039
be no question as to whence the sound issued. It
492
00:32:31.160 --> 00:32:35.559
came from the fanglike teeth of the dwarf, who ground
493
00:32:35.680 --> 00:32:38.400
them and gnashed them as he foamed at the mouth
494
00:32:38.599 --> 00:32:42.880
and glared with an expression of maniacal rage into the
495
00:32:43.000 --> 00:32:49.039
upturned countenances of the King and his seven companions, Aha
496
00:32:49.839 --> 00:32:53.839
said at length, the infuriated jesture, Aha, I begin to
497
00:32:53.920 --> 00:32:58.640
see who these people are now here, pretending to scrutinize
498
00:32:58.720 --> 00:33:01.960
the king more closely, he held the flambeaux to the
499
00:33:02.000 --> 00:33:06.359
flaxen coat, which enveloped him, and which instantly burst into
500
00:33:06.359 --> 00:33:10.240
a sheet of vivid flame. In less than half a minute,
501
00:33:10.400 --> 00:33:15.559
the whole eight orangutangs were blazing fiercely amid the shrieks
502
00:33:15.599 --> 00:33:20.160
of the multitude, who gazed at them from below, horror stricken,
503
00:33:20.400 --> 00:33:24.119
and without the power to remember them the slightest assistance.
504
00:33:25.240 --> 00:33:29.799
At length, the flames, suddenly increasing in virulence, forced the
505
00:33:29.880 --> 00:33:32.839
jester to climb higher up the chain to be out
506
00:33:32.839 --> 00:33:36.440
of their reach, And as he made this movement, the
507
00:33:36.559 --> 00:33:42.000
crowd again sank for a brief instant into silence. The
508
00:33:42.079 --> 00:33:46.880
dwarf seized his opportunity and once more spoke, I now
509
00:33:46.960 --> 00:33:51.440
see you distinctly, He said, what manner of people these
510
00:33:51.559 --> 00:33:55.000
maskers are? They are a great king and his seven
511
00:33:55.119 --> 00:33:59.200
privy councilors, a king who does not scruple to strike
512
00:33:59.359 --> 00:34:02.119
a defense t girl, and his seven counselors who have
513
00:34:02.200 --> 00:34:05.759
bet him in the outrage. As for myself, I am
514
00:34:05.880 --> 00:34:13.360
simply hop frog the jester, and this is my last jest.
515
00:34:13.760 --> 00:34:17.360
Owing to the high combustibility of both the flax and
516
00:34:17.440 --> 00:34:21.159
the tar to which it adhered. The dwarf had scarcely
517
00:34:21.280 --> 00:34:24.320
made an end of his brief speech. Before the work
518
00:34:24.360 --> 00:34:30.400
of vengeance was complete. The eight corpses swung in their
519
00:34:30.480 --> 00:34:36.880
chains a fetid, blackened, hideous, and indistinguishable mass. The cripple
520
00:34:37.119 --> 00:34:40.920
hurled his torch at them, clambered leisurely to the ceiling,
521
00:34:41.880 --> 00:34:47.400
and disappeared through the skylight. It is supposed that Tripetta,
522
00:34:47.719 --> 00:34:50.480
stationed on the roof of the saloon, had been the
523
00:34:50.559 --> 00:34:55.840
accomplice of her friend in this fiery revenge, and that
524
00:34:56.760 --> 00:35:02.840
together they affected their escape to their own country, for
525
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neither was seen again.
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