Ep.218 – Send Beer - Even in the Apocalypse Work Sucks

WEBVTT

1
00:00:00.640 --> 00:00:06.960
So it's the zombie apocalypse, so
everything has changed forever. Well, even

2
00:00:07.080 --> 00:00:11.320
so, you still got to earn
a living. So what if you,

3
00:00:12.039 --> 00:00:16.480
in the middle of an apocalypse,
were the only delivery worker in your entire

4
00:00:16.559 --> 00:00:24.760
area? And believe me, the
zombies aren't the only ones hungry. Feel

5
00:00:25.000 --> 00:00:33.119
the chill in the air, Listen
to the leaves Russ Ross as they die

6
00:00:34.280 --> 00:00:51.960
and fall to the ground. It
is holloween. You'll experience tales of our

7
00:00:52.719 --> 00:01:04.359
ghosts and death. It is not
recommended for the week a art. Join

8
00:01:04.640 --> 00:01:23.200
me for a tale foul. This
is Weekly Spooky Time. Hello, my

9
00:01:23.400 --> 00:01:30.519
spookys, It's Wednesday, and you
know what that means. It's time for

10
00:01:30.599 --> 00:01:36.319
a little spooky in your weekly I'm
your host, but not narrator Tonight,

11
00:01:36.840 --> 00:01:41.760
Enrique Kuto and the story we have
for you all tonight. It's by my

12
00:01:41.879 --> 00:01:47.079
good buddy and Monthly Spooky co host, Michelle Antisocial. At the end of

13
00:01:47.159 --> 00:01:51.719
every month, she and I sit
down and talk about weird news stories and

14
00:01:51.760 --> 00:01:56.079
odd topics to kind of round out
the month here at Weekly Spooky. Well,

15
00:01:56.120 --> 00:02:00.079
Michelle has done me an incredible favor. Michelle has not only written a

16
00:02:00.159 --> 00:02:05.239
story for all of us to enjoy, but she narrated it for us too,

17
00:02:05.319 --> 00:02:08.639
so that I could take a much
needed break and prepare for tomorrow's show,

18
00:02:08.719 --> 00:02:16.159
which is an entire audiobook. An
entire free audiobook from the Babysitter Massacre

19
00:02:16.240 --> 00:02:21.960
collection. Babysitter Massacre Daddy's Little Killer
will be here for you to listen to

20
00:02:21.960 --> 00:02:27.719
tomorrow completely free. So if you
love slasher films, well you won't want

21
00:02:27.719 --> 00:02:30.919
to miss it. But now we
have this story from Michelle that I really

22
00:02:31.039 --> 00:02:35.520
enjoyed, and I know you will
too. It's got a whole lot of

23
00:02:35.560 --> 00:02:38.120
scares and a whole lot of laughs. It's my kind of story. But

24
00:02:38.199 --> 00:02:40.719
before we get to that, I
want to say thank you so much for

25
00:02:40.800 --> 00:02:45.560
listening. I know so many of
you who are tuning in are brand new

26
00:02:45.599 --> 00:02:49.919
to the show, and I hope
I've earned your subscription by the end on

27
00:02:50.039 --> 00:02:53.719
your favorite podcasting app. And hey, while you're at that podcasting app like

28
00:02:53.759 --> 00:02:57.840
Apple Podcasts or Spotify, why not
leave us a five star rating and make

29
00:02:57.879 --> 00:03:02.439
sure other spookies know they're in the
right place. I really do appreciate it

30
00:03:02.439 --> 00:03:06.960
from the bottom of my heart.
And if you want to join us over

31
00:03:07.039 --> 00:03:10.919
on Facebook, just punch in Weekly
Spooky's Tomb of Terror into the search box

32
00:03:10.960 --> 00:03:15.360
and you can join me and our
fellow authors as we share fun stories and

33
00:03:15.439 --> 00:03:22.159
memes and all things spooky. And
remember, there'll be a brand new episode

34
00:03:22.479 --> 00:03:28.039
every single day this October, so
you do not want to miss what we

35
00:03:28.120 --> 00:03:32.319
have in store for you as weekly
Spooky is daily. But now it's time

36
00:03:32.360 --> 00:03:46.840
for the apocalypse after these quick words
from our sponsors, Send beer by Michelle

37
00:03:46.879 --> 00:03:53.960
Antisocial. You know how sometimes a
squirrel would just grab an unripened tomato right

38
00:03:53.039 --> 00:03:57.080
off the plant, take one bite, and then throw the rest right on

39
00:03:57.120 --> 00:04:00.800
the ground to rot. That's exactly
the way I found Lucy on the sidewalk,

40
00:04:00.960 --> 00:04:05.080
surrounded by flies, A long line
of ants marching into the missing chunk

41
00:04:05.080 --> 00:04:09.520
of flesh and feathers on the left
side of her neck. I touched my

42
00:04:09.560 --> 00:04:13.639
own neck in empathy. The area
is still slightly tender after all this time.

43
00:04:14.479 --> 00:04:17.240
Shaking the ants away, I picked
up her rigid body. I removed

44
00:04:17.279 --> 00:04:21.759
the note that was still somehow tied
to her leg. Send beer. Fuck,

45
00:04:23.199 --> 00:04:26.480
there was no beer. Those frat
boys at seventeenth and Oak must have

46
00:04:26.560 --> 00:04:29.920
been well aware of that fact,
and yet they sent Lucy to her death

47
00:04:30.000 --> 00:04:32.839
for what a joke? Or did
they really think I could find them alcohol?

48
00:04:33.199 --> 00:04:36.279
Did they think I hadn't looked.
I mean, maybe if I broke

49
00:04:36.279 --> 00:04:40.000
into every empty house in the area, I could find some. No.

50
00:04:40.720 --> 00:04:43.879
No, if they wanted it so
badly, they could do that themselves.

51
00:04:44.560 --> 00:04:47.120
This, of course meant that even
though I didn't have anything to deliver,

52
00:04:47.519 --> 00:04:53.079
I still had to stop over there
and politely ask them to please please stop

53
00:04:53.120 --> 00:04:58.079
asking for alcoholic beverages. I wrapped
Lucy in the remnants of a plastic bag

54
00:04:58.120 --> 00:05:01.160
that I'd been keeping for this kind
of occasion and carefully placed her into the

55
00:05:01.199 --> 00:05:05.800
empty side pocket of my backpack.
I was as excited at the prospect of

56
00:05:05.879 --> 00:05:10.959
barbecued pigeon for dinner as I was
nauseous over the idea of chewing on her

57
00:05:11.000 --> 00:05:16.000
potentially bacteria ridden rotting flesh, and
I still had a long evening of oppressive,

58
00:05:16.040 --> 00:05:20.360
early autumn heated humidity before I could
get home to cook. I cursed

59
00:05:20.439 --> 00:05:26.360
the useless gas generator as I loaded
my supplies and homing pigeons into the rickety

60
00:05:26.399 --> 00:05:30.160
cart attached to the back of my
bicycle to get ready for the ride around

61
00:05:30.160 --> 00:05:33.920
town. Friday means that instead of
just working a nine to five delivering floral

62
00:05:34.000 --> 00:05:40.800
arrangements to mostly funeral homes. I
pull a grocery delivery shift afterwards, which

63
00:05:40.920 --> 00:05:44.759
is exactly what it sounds like.
Everyone has a week to send their birds

64
00:05:44.839 --> 00:05:46.959
back with a list of everything they
need, and then I go get those

65
00:05:47.000 --> 00:05:50.279
things and deliver it to them,
as well as return the pigeon for next

66
00:05:50.279 --> 00:05:55.720
time. Given the situation, It's
not a job I would choose if I

67
00:05:55.759 --> 00:05:59.519
actually had the choice, but for
reasons I won't and frankly do not want

68
00:05:59.560 --> 00:06:02.879
to get into too. I have
qualities that make me significantly more capable of

69
00:06:02.920 --> 00:06:11.120
being around the no longer people people
than your average weirdo does. So it's

70
00:06:11.160 --> 00:06:15.439
either me getting food to people or
it just doesn't happen, at least now,

71
00:06:15.519 --> 00:06:18.759
without terrible, terrible consequences for the
delivery person. And it seems wrong

72
00:06:18.800 --> 00:06:23.720
to make others suffer like that,
so I suffer instead, just markedly less

73
00:06:23.720 --> 00:06:27.800
so. Or at least that's what
i'd tell my parents to make them feel

74
00:06:27.800 --> 00:06:31.199
better about my recklessness if I thought
they actually cared about me. Not that

75
00:06:31.240 --> 00:06:35.800
they can care anymore. They're dead, after all, But enough about my

76
00:06:35.839 --> 00:06:41.199
dead family. I was headed to
the supermarket. The supermarket used to be

77
00:06:41.279 --> 00:06:46.040
my least favorite part of the entire
experience until recently. It was still open

78
00:06:46.079 --> 00:06:48.879
to the public and more or less
a functional business. Some guy, maybe

79
00:06:48.879 --> 00:06:53.279
the guy who owned it, was
always there and would make small talk with

80
00:06:53.279 --> 00:06:57.680
me when I shopped, or at
least he would attempt to. He was

81
00:06:57.759 --> 00:07:00.560
nice enough and remembered my name from
the one time I told him, though

82
00:07:00.560 --> 00:07:04.199
I think I was his only customer
most days. I even caught him making

83
00:07:04.240 --> 00:07:09.600
attempts to use gender neutral pronouns when
referring to me. All of that was

84
00:07:09.639 --> 00:07:13.480
a problem because I couldn't, for
the life of me, remember his name.

85
00:07:14.319 --> 00:07:17.560
I wanted so badly to respond to
his cheery Hi of Felix with something

86
00:07:17.600 --> 00:07:23.600
other than hey, But I couldn't, and it killed me more than any

87
00:07:23.720 --> 00:07:28.480
zombie ever, could you know,
metaphorically speaking? At least I tried everything

88
00:07:28.519 --> 00:07:32.360
I could to figure it out.
Could I have just asked him? Fuck

89
00:07:32.439 --> 00:07:36.519
no? So you can imagine the
position I was in. Anyway, All

90
00:07:36.560 --> 00:07:41.759
problems are temporary, right at least
this one was because one day the store

91
00:07:41.879 --> 00:07:46.120
was just closed. Maybe he just
got tired of seeing me and only me,

92
00:07:46.480 --> 00:07:49.000
the kid who didn't remember his name
and decided it was finally time to

93
00:07:49.120 --> 00:07:53.720
end this charade. It would make
me so happy to hear that that was

94
00:07:53.759 --> 00:07:57.319
the reason. And it's not that
he died, but you know how that

95
00:07:57.439 --> 00:08:01.000
goes. The supermarket was only a
few blocks from the flower shop. The

96
00:08:01.040 --> 00:08:05.720
building was partially boarded, and in
the beginning stages of decay, tall weeds

97
00:08:05.720 --> 00:08:11.160
sprung up from once minuscule sidewalk cracks, and the dirty green striped awning that

98
00:08:11.240 --> 00:08:15.600
hung over the entrance had partially detached
from its brackets. It swayed slightly in

99
00:08:15.639 --> 00:08:20.319
the sweltering breeze. I ducked through
the shattered glass door, ready to get

100
00:08:20.319 --> 00:08:24.959
to work. Despite its exterior,
the market was quite pleasant now. It's

101
00:08:24.079 --> 00:08:28.680
cool, musty decor and shelves of
decaying food were almost homey to me.

102
00:08:30.360 --> 00:08:33.519
At that point, there wasn't much
desirable product left, but I always did

103
00:08:33.559 --> 00:08:37.759
my best to accommodate. I do
like a good challenge. No box spaghetti

104
00:08:37.840 --> 00:08:41.919
left. Replace that sucker with a
can of spaghettios. You want ingredients to

105
00:08:41.919 --> 00:08:46.759
make chicken parmesan, Well we don't
have chicken anymore, but let me introduce

106
00:08:46.799 --> 00:08:50.480
you to these here spaghettios, green
beans, Spaghettio's got you covered. Fam

107
00:08:52.399 --> 00:08:56.120
looking for those individually wrapped brownies to
give your kids so they stopped crying about

108
00:08:56.159 --> 00:09:01.399
the zombies. Canned ravioli. They're
sort of the same shape and just put

109
00:09:01.440 --> 00:09:05.440
sprinkles on them and you're all set. The whole shopping experience took about an

110
00:09:05.480 --> 00:09:09.399
hour, and then I headed out
on my mission to deliver the goods.

111
00:09:09.120 --> 00:09:13.200
Unfortunately, Lucy's demise left the Frat
Bros. Without a pigeon, which meant

112
00:09:13.240 --> 00:09:18.399
that I had to do something I'd
been putting off a welfare check. It

113
00:09:18.440 --> 00:09:22.039
had been two weeks since I'd gotten
in order from one of my oldest customers,

114
00:09:22.240 --> 00:09:24.799
the Patels, a family of three
on the East Side. They had

115
00:09:24.840 --> 00:09:28.559
never taken even a week off from
ordering before, and while I was hoping

116
00:09:28.600 --> 00:09:33.639
that they just decided to switch to
one of my competitors and forgotten to return

117
00:09:33.679 --> 00:09:37.240
my bird, I was also aware
that I didn't have any I was the

118
00:09:37.240 --> 00:09:39.480
only person on this side of the
city stupid enough to do this, which

119
00:09:39.519 --> 00:09:45.080
meant something happened to my pigeon,
or worse. The Patels lived at the

120
00:09:45.200 --> 00:09:48.240
very edge of the suburbs. It
was a little bit out of the way,

121
00:09:48.279 --> 00:09:52.000
where the roads were less predictable with
cars and dead things. So I

122
00:09:52.039 --> 00:09:54.799
waited until close to the end of
my room, when I was carrying less

123
00:09:54.799 --> 00:09:58.440
food and pigeons to swing by.
Also, I was really dreading it.

124
00:10:00.240 --> 00:10:03.120
While there was still plenty of time
before sunset. You'd never have known.

125
00:10:03.200 --> 00:10:07.919
Due to the densely wooded streets that
encompassed the area, all was silent on

126
00:10:07.960 --> 00:10:13.919
my approach. Besides the crickets.
Nothing lives here anymore, lives here anymore,

127
00:10:13.039 --> 00:10:18.519
lives here anymore. The phrase welled
up from somewhere deep within my subconscious

128
00:10:18.600 --> 00:10:22.759
and gave me pause. I gulped, gripping my handlebars a little harder than

129
00:10:22.759 --> 00:10:26.600
necessary, as I turned down the
Patel's driveway. Their house was one of

130
00:10:26.639 --> 00:10:30.799
those mid century types, one story, flat roof, no basement, many

131
00:10:30.840 --> 00:10:33.559
many windows, exactly the kind of
place you'd pray you didn't have to ride

132
00:10:33.559 --> 00:10:37.039
out the apocalypse in. They'd done
their best to board up most of the

133
00:10:37.080 --> 00:10:41.240
windows, but I always wondered why, with the majority of the city available,

134
00:10:41.320 --> 00:10:46.600
they'd chosen to stay in that particular
place. It's the kind of ridiculous

135
00:10:46.600 --> 00:10:50.480
sentimentality that'll get you killed, I
scoffed, and hopped off my bike at

136
00:10:50.519 --> 00:10:52.960
the curve of the driveway by the
front door. The place looked secure,

137
00:10:54.080 --> 00:10:58.360
but as my breathing calmed, I
noticed an unusual sound intermixed with the drone

138
00:10:58.360 --> 00:11:05.159
of crickets app tap tap, the
unmistakable sound of a fingernail hitting plexiglass radiated

139
00:11:05.240 --> 00:11:09.759
out from the building in an unpredictable, somewhat frantic pattern. Were they trapped

140
00:11:09.759 --> 00:11:13.240
inside and trying to get my attention? I wondered? Maybe someone was just

141
00:11:13.279 --> 00:11:18.879
practicing their drumming technique against the window. I sighed, If so, they

142
00:11:18.879 --> 00:11:22.720
had no sense of rhythm. Now, in context, that makes next to

143
00:11:22.840 --> 00:11:26.039
zero sense. But since I'd conjured
the possibility into existence, I took a

144
00:11:26.080 --> 00:11:30.759
moment to wonder what I'd do if
mister Prattel answered the door and asked what

145
00:11:30.799 --> 00:11:33.799
I thought I'd say. It sounded
delightful. They were doing their best,

146
00:11:33.840 --> 00:11:39.000
after all, and a little encouragement
can go a long way. Sweating more

147
00:11:39.080 --> 00:11:43.559
over the possibility of an awkward conversation
than someone needing my help escaping. I

148
00:11:43.639 --> 00:11:50.120
knocked timidly on the door. Nothing. I tried a bit harder, missus

149
00:11:50.120 --> 00:11:56.000
Pattel, It's felix. I fumbled
you know, the grocery person you U

150
00:11:56.159 --> 00:12:03.480
sometimes get grocery deliveries from response,
just consistent light tapping. Are are you

151
00:12:03.519 --> 00:12:09.759
okay in there? I gingerly tested
the doorknob. It was locked, mister

152
00:12:09.799 --> 00:12:15.120
Brattel, Do you still have my
pigeon? Maybe they were just in the

153
00:12:15.120 --> 00:12:18.960
bathroom or something. Yeah, all
three of them in the bathroom, just

154
00:12:18.039 --> 00:12:22.120
hanging out. I'd hate to think
that I rushed their bathroom family time.

155
00:12:22.720 --> 00:12:26.759
So I just silently stood there for
a full five minutes, trying to be

156
00:12:26.840 --> 00:12:31.519
polite and panicking about what to do
next. All the while the tapping persisted.

157
00:12:33.279 --> 00:12:37.639
I sighed it was time to get
serious and investigate the source. I

158
00:12:37.759 --> 00:12:43.039
carefully and quietly began to walk the
perimeter of the sprawling residence, weirdly afraid

159
00:12:43.080 --> 00:12:46.039
that someone would see me and think
I was trying to break in, like

160
00:12:46.120 --> 00:12:48.440
there were people. As I made
my way around the left side of the

161
00:12:48.519 --> 00:12:54.600
home, I was able to pinpoint
its general location to a window directly behind

162
00:12:54.679 --> 00:12:58.159
a row of overgrown barberry bushes,
which, as you probably don't know,

163
00:12:58.320 --> 00:13:03.960
are my my number one least favorite
type of shrub, and yes I do

164
00:13:03.039 --> 00:13:07.679
have a list. I pushed myself
between the vegetation, insiding, trying to

165
00:13:07.720 --> 00:13:13.000
avoid the plant's thorns and failing miserably. The area behind the bush wasn'tcompletely boarded,

166
00:13:13.159 --> 00:13:16.919
but it was too dark for me
to see inside. I pressed my

167
00:13:16.000 --> 00:13:20.159
hand against the glass. It reverberated
in tandem with the taps. I was

168
00:13:20.200 --> 00:13:24.200
in the right place. I fought
with the thorns and my pants pocket to

169
00:13:24.240 --> 00:13:28.559
retrieve my flashlight, and then,
shaking, lifted it towards the window and

170
00:13:28.639 --> 00:13:33.519
slid the switch to the on position. A tiny face was staring back at

171
00:13:33.519 --> 00:13:39.720
me. Bisura. I gasped.
My pigeon cocked her head, possibly equally

172
00:13:39.720 --> 00:13:45.399
as surprised to see my face.
Her beak and feathers were soaked in blood.

173
00:13:46.360 --> 00:13:50.039
Smeared specks of blood clung to the
window where she'd been pecking. Adrenaline

174
00:13:50.039 --> 00:13:54.200
shot through my small frame, and
I tore out of the bushes and back

175
00:13:54.240 --> 00:13:56.720
to the front door. And then
I kicked that bucker until the jam snapped

176
00:13:56.720 --> 00:14:03.720
and the door burst open and slammed
deafeningly against the wall. Sorry, I

177
00:14:03.799 --> 00:14:09.039
called out, sheepishly, but it
was silent. Streaks of daylight from the

178
00:14:09.080 --> 00:14:13.600
gaps between the boarded windows criss crossed
the lime green carpet illuminating the interior just

179
00:14:13.720 --> 00:14:18.440
enough for me to see without a
flashlight. Once my eyes adjusted from the

180
00:14:18.480 --> 00:14:22.120
four year where I stood, everything
looked pristine. I was beginning to consider

181
00:14:22.159 --> 00:14:26.080
the possibility that they'd simply packed up
and moved to a safer, less windowy

182
00:14:26.159 --> 00:14:31.039
house or headed west in a desperate
attempt to cross state lines, just leaving

183
00:14:31.039 --> 00:14:37.120
my pigeon, intentionally or unintentionally,
convinced I was at least momentarily alone.

184
00:14:37.759 --> 00:14:41.320
I crossed the living room and started
down the hallway in the direction of the

185
00:14:41.360 --> 00:14:46.559
window that had my bleeding bird in
it. Four doorways loomed ahead of me.

186
00:14:46.639 --> 00:14:50.200
The first two were empty bedrooms,
then the third was a bathroom with

187
00:14:50.279 --> 00:14:54.960
no family time happening in it.
However, the last door, unlike the

188
00:14:54.000 --> 00:14:58.279
others, was shut and locked.
I thought maybe I could hear faint rustling

189
00:14:58.279 --> 00:15:03.960
inside Bissurah, I called out.
I was so relieved to hear her coup

190
00:15:03.960 --> 00:15:07.440
from within the room that I jimmied
the door open and took several steps into

191
00:15:07.440 --> 00:15:11.120
the space without much thought. My
only goal was to grab her and get

192
00:15:11.120 --> 00:15:13.919
the hell home. There was no
way I trusted the frat FROs with an

193
00:15:13.919 --> 00:15:16.039
injured pigeon or really anything. At
this point, they'd have to wait.

194
00:15:16.519 --> 00:15:20.240
Basurah flew right over to me and
perched on my hand. Good girl,

195
00:15:20.639 --> 00:15:24.360
I assured her quietly, as I
examined her body, trying to locate a

196
00:15:24.399 --> 00:15:28.480
cut or a wound of any kind. But while she was caked in what

197
00:15:28.679 --> 00:15:33.200
was most certainly blood, she wasn't
actually bleeding, not anywhere. My heart

198
00:15:33.240 --> 00:15:37.840
sank. What have you been eating, sweetheart? Basurah bobbed her head at

199
00:15:37.879 --> 00:15:43.000
me quizzically, as if to say, no oblo inglish an espongol porfifour.

200
00:15:43.519 --> 00:15:46.840
You know I don't speak Spanish,
I said aloud, Let's just get out

201
00:15:46.840 --> 00:15:50.120
of here, okay. As I
turned around to leave the bedroom, I

202
00:15:50.200 --> 00:15:54.440
caught something big and dark in my
peripheral vision. I froze. There.

203
00:15:54.759 --> 00:15:58.840
Hanging from one of those decorative exposed
ceiling beams was a very dead missus Pateel,

204
00:16:00.639 --> 00:16:04.279
And to make matters more uncomfortable,
she was just covered in peck marks.

205
00:16:06.320 --> 00:16:10.440
I unconsciously dropped my hand, prompting
Mensieur to fly off of it and

206
00:16:10.600 --> 00:16:15.799
over to missus Pateel's shoulder and begin
munching on her face. Bassurah, get

207
00:16:15.799 --> 00:16:18.240
down from there, for this instant. You're embarrassing me, I said,

208
00:16:18.279 --> 00:16:23.519
in an unnecessarily hushed tone. My
bird continued to not understand English and attempted

209
00:16:23.559 --> 00:16:26.600
to rip some of the skin off
of Missus Pateel's cheek. But sir,

210
00:16:26.879 --> 00:16:33.600
I, something stirred further off in
the darkness. Hello. I switched on

211
00:16:33.679 --> 00:16:37.000
my flashlight and began to search the
far side of the bedroom, careful to

212
00:16:37.080 --> 00:16:41.840
aim around Missus Pateel to spare my
psyche any further gory details. Something was

213
00:16:41.919 --> 00:16:45.320
hunched down behind one of the chairs
in the small sitting area near the en

214
00:16:45.399 --> 00:16:51.759
sweet bathroom. You're not safe yet, weakly spooky, We'll be right back.

215
00:16:56.080 --> 00:16:59.440
From my position, all I could
see was long, dark hair.

216
00:17:00.320 --> 00:17:04.240
Hey, are you a zombie or
The thing continued to sit quietly, So

217
00:17:04.279 --> 00:17:08.839
I made the regrettable decision to find
out for myself and slowly close the distance

218
00:17:08.880 --> 00:17:14.079
between us. If you're not dead
and you could respond to me, it

219
00:17:14.079 --> 00:17:17.920
did help a lot, I coached, realizing in my panic to save my

220
00:17:18.119 --> 00:17:22.279
injured pigeon, i'd left my weapon
outside. This was bad. The thing

221
00:17:22.519 --> 00:17:27.599
that I could by that point more
accurately categorize as a little girl, probably

222
00:17:27.640 --> 00:17:33.920
the Betel's daughter was still not moving, her head was down, body slumped,

223
00:17:33.400 --> 00:17:38.359
and I could make out several partially
scabbed, partially infected human bitemarks around

224
00:17:38.359 --> 00:17:42.640
her ankles. So yeah, this
was probably a zombie, but I needed

225
00:17:42.640 --> 00:17:47.799
to confirm before I made any decisions
about how to dispose of it, prepared

226
00:17:47.839 --> 00:17:51.160
to pull away in case of an
attack. I carefully pushed back her hair

227
00:17:51.519 --> 00:17:53.359
as I did. Her body tensed. Fuck, sorry, I mean,

228
00:17:55.559 --> 00:17:57.599
but I couldn't think of another word
to replace it with. Not that she

229
00:17:57.759 --> 00:18:03.200
was listening, not really. After
a moment of awareness, her eyes had

230
00:18:03.200 --> 00:18:07.720
fixed on something very far away.
If this was literally any other place or

231
00:18:07.799 --> 00:18:12.279
time in modern history, i'd have
called nine one one the ambulance, and

232
00:18:12.440 --> 00:18:15.680
the police would have been dispatched,
and I would have sat outside with her

233
00:18:15.759 --> 00:18:19.880
until they came. They'd wrap us
in blankets and i'd give a statement to

234
00:18:19.920 --> 00:18:23.240
the cops. Then they'd take her
to the hospital and treat her injuries,

235
00:18:23.279 --> 00:18:29.559
and CPS would handle things from there. But none of those things existed anymore.

236
00:18:29.720 --> 00:18:33.359
So I was going to have to
handle it, and I don't mean

237
00:18:33.359 --> 00:18:36.920
handle it in a good way.
A sudden wave of anger course through my

238
00:18:37.000 --> 00:18:40.559
body. You don't go about this
the same way as when the oxygen mask

239
00:18:40.680 --> 00:18:44.759
drops on a plane. You do
not take care of yourself before your child,

240
00:18:44.799 --> 00:18:48.680
Missus Vittel. Child first, always
child first, and murder suicides don't

241
00:18:48.720 --> 00:18:53.799
make me do it. Based on
her limited reaction to stimuli, it wasn't

242
00:18:53.799 --> 00:18:59.240
too difficult to estimate that the girl
whose name I'd forgotten was on day five

243
00:18:59.319 --> 00:19:03.119
or six of a grueling seven day
slock between exposure and full infection, which

244
00:19:03.160 --> 00:19:08.440
consisted of increasing confusion, loss of
awareness, antisocial behavior, and well,

245
00:19:08.519 --> 00:19:14.240
who really knows what else until at
the end you're just some violent human husk.

246
00:19:15.200 --> 00:19:18.880
There was, of course a point
five percent chance that she'd just die

247
00:19:18.920 --> 00:19:22.960
instead, but that death always looked
incredibly painful, so I can't say it

248
00:19:22.960 --> 00:19:26.359
would be much of an upgrade.
I sat there for a long time,

249
00:19:26.519 --> 00:19:29.880
trying to convince myself of the importance
of committing the act. That her mother

250
00:19:29.920 --> 00:19:33.960
would rather end her life than see
come to pass. You have to,

251
00:19:33.119 --> 00:19:37.680
you know, I told myself.
Straightening my back, I reached out towards

252
00:19:37.680 --> 00:19:42.680
her and wrapped my hands around her
throat without a gun. No bullets left,

253
00:19:42.720 --> 00:19:45.839
bet dubs. It was the nicest
way I could think of. Once

254
00:19:45.880 --> 00:19:48.839
her body was dead. I'd have
to use more violence to make sure she

255
00:19:48.880 --> 00:19:52.720
didn't come back. I'd made the
decision. All I had to do was

256
00:19:52.759 --> 00:19:57.599
squeeze. As my grip increased,
her eyes suddenly locked with mine. They

257
00:19:57.640 --> 00:20:02.400
were filled with fear, A lot
of fear, like way too much fear.

258
00:20:02.720 --> 00:20:06.400
I'd been wrong about the timeline.
Her fingernails sunk into my forearms,

259
00:20:06.480 --> 00:20:08.920
desperately trying to pull me off as
I choked her. The awareness of her

260
00:20:08.960 --> 00:20:12.680
reaction completely caught me off guard.
Had she even been bitten? I mean,

261
00:20:12.720 --> 00:20:15.559
I was almost positive that those were
human bite marks on her ankles.

262
00:20:15.680 --> 00:20:19.799
But the very real and increasing possibility
that what I was really dealing with was

263
00:20:19.839 --> 00:20:23.960
just a very traumatized seven year old, not a monster, made my extremities

264
00:20:25.000 --> 00:20:27.880
go cold, and before I realized
what I was doing, I'd grabbed Bassura

265
00:20:27.960 --> 00:20:33.000
and bolted out of the room.
I could hear her coughing and gasping for

266
00:20:33.039 --> 00:20:37.039
air as I rushed down the hallway. Fuck this, Fuck all of this.

267
00:20:37.519 --> 00:20:41.079
In the kitchen, the Patels had
a large stockpile of bottled water.

268
00:20:42.000 --> 00:20:45.799
I sat my pigeon in the sink, and as carefully as was possible with

269
00:20:45.880 --> 00:20:52.519
my trembling hands washed the blood from
her feathers. There was absolutely no reason

270
00:20:52.559 --> 00:20:56.720
I needed to add this one to
the long list of things plaguing my conscience.

271
00:20:56.440 --> 00:21:00.680
I wasn't even sure I agreed with
the premise of mercy killings anyway sparkly

272
00:21:00.720 --> 00:21:06.039
clean, or at least clean enough. I toweled Bassura off in my shirt

273
00:21:06.119 --> 00:21:08.680
and headed for the front door.
I was gonna drop Basura off at the

274
00:21:08.680 --> 00:21:14.160
frat and go home, and suddenly
a desperate scream crashed through the building and

275
00:21:14.200 --> 00:21:18.960
sent me running right back down that
Saint damn hallway. Oh it was mister

276
00:21:19.000 --> 00:21:22.519
Brettel. I've been wondering about him, but there he was now in the

277
00:21:22.519 --> 00:21:26.599
bedroom, pinning his already almost strangled
daughter to the ground and like eating her

278
00:21:26.640 --> 00:21:30.599
small intestines, large intestines. I
don't know. I'm really not that good

279
00:21:30.599 --> 00:21:34.920
an anatomy. Well, at least
that's what he was doing until my rapid

280
00:21:34.960 --> 00:21:40.119
approach distracted him and he lunged at
me. I wasn't able to dodge quite

281
00:21:40.160 --> 00:21:42.759
as nimbly as I'd liked, and
he flat out tackled me, knocking me

282
00:21:42.799 --> 00:21:47.160
into the bedside table before I hit
the ground. I was trying to keep

283
00:21:47.160 --> 00:21:51.759
his teeth away from my everything and
simultaneously punch him hard enough to get him

284
00:21:51.759 --> 00:21:55.599
off of me. But I'm not
that great at close combat. Granted he

285
00:21:55.720 --> 00:21:57.119
was like twice my size, but
I feel like I should have been able

286
00:21:57.160 --> 00:22:02.359
to manage better all things considered.
So I was laying there, using every

287
00:22:02.359 --> 00:22:04.599
ans of my strength to keep from
being chewed on, excepting that everything I'd

288
00:22:04.640 --> 00:22:08.480
done that day was very stupid.
When a dark blur streaked across the room,

289
00:22:08.799 --> 00:22:14.480
landed on mister Mattel's face and started
pecking his eyes. It was Bisurah,

290
00:22:14.960 --> 00:22:18.359
my attacker. Momentarily distracted, I
was able to reach behind me,

291
00:22:18.400 --> 00:22:21.079
hoping that there'd be something in the
knocked over table that I could use to

292
00:22:21.200 --> 00:22:25.400
end this. I fumbled around until
I felt something cold, hard and substantial,

293
00:22:25.680 --> 00:22:27.759
and then I brought it down over
his skull, and then I hit

294
00:22:27.880 --> 00:22:33.160
him over and over and over again. And then I continued to hit him

295
00:22:33.240 --> 00:22:37.079
until I was sure that no part
of him would ever be able to move

296
00:22:37.119 --> 00:22:42.599
again. I then took a moment
to catch my breath and waited patiently for

297
00:22:42.680 --> 00:22:47.559
his daughter to stop breathing, and
you know, proceeded to do the same

298
00:22:47.559 --> 00:22:53.160
thing to her too. Afterwards,
I washed my hands really really well.

299
00:22:55.200 --> 00:22:57.759
It was only then that I realized
what the object I had been using to

300
00:22:57.759 --> 00:23:06.640
crush my attackers was a somehow still
intact, three quarters full bottle of vodka.

301
00:23:07.119 --> 00:23:10.920
The frat was only about a fifteen
minute bike ride away, so I

302
00:23:10.960 --> 00:23:14.440
made it there before eight thirty.
I don't know why I keep calling it

303
00:23:14.519 --> 00:23:18.799
that. By the way, the
university had been made inaccessible as it was

304
00:23:18.839 --> 00:23:22.160
on the other side of the now
blown up bridge, and also it hadn't

305
00:23:22.160 --> 00:23:25.559
held classes in over a year,
so it was a little less like a

306
00:23:25.599 --> 00:23:30.680
frat and more like a gang,
like a really boring gang. The house

307
00:23:30.759 --> 00:23:34.599
was one of those opulent nineteen twenties
Johns that had been falling apart for at

308
00:23:34.680 --> 00:23:40.359
least a decade before the bad stuff
happened, surrounded by a fifteen foot tall

309
00:23:40.440 --> 00:23:44.960
fence made of an amalgamation of just
about every building material that you can think

310
00:23:45.000 --> 00:23:49.200
of. A guy dressed in too
cool for the Apocalypse gear pointing his gut

311
00:23:49.279 --> 00:23:53.519
in my direction from a makeshift watchtower
as I approached, only to lower it

312
00:23:53.559 --> 00:23:57.720
again. I tried and failed to
speak so that I could explain myself,

313
00:23:57.799 --> 00:24:02.359
but it didn't seem to matter.
I know, just going already, he

314
00:24:02.480 --> 00:24:06.039
motioned to the gate with his rifle. Earlier on my route, I'd come

315
00:24:06.119 --> 00:24:10.279
up with the most perfect, soap
boxy speech to shame these guys. I

316
00:24:10.359 --> 00:24:12.559
was going to tell them about Lucy
and how they were putting me and my

317
00:24:12.640 --> 00:24:17.279
birds in unnecessary danger. But I'd
give them one more chance, because I

318
00:24:17.319 --> 00:24:21.359
didn't think they were being malicious.
But by the time I stood on that

319
00:24:21.480 --> 00:24:26.359
dry rotted porch staring at Stefan,
the only guy whose name I'd actually remembered,

320
00:24:26.680 --> 00:24:30.759
I was having trouble keeping any sort
of mental narrative running. I was

321
00:24:30.799 --> 00:24:33.559
really just trying not to throw up. I don't know how I looked at

322
00:24:33.559 --> 00:24:37.279
that point, but I can only
assume it was kind of off putting,

323
00:24:37.799 --> 00:24:41.880
because instead of saying hello, Stefan
just stared at me. I parted my

324
00:24:41.920 --> 00:24:45.839
lips to speak first, but I
could only manage a nonsensical squeak, so

325
00:24:45.960 --> 00:24:51.079
instead I lifted the bottle of vodka
out of my backpack and shoved it into

326
00:24:51.079 --> 00:24:56.079
his chest, then turned to leave. Oh oh, the beer thing.

327
00:24:56.279 --> 00:24:59.240
That was really just supposed to be
a joke, he said, staring at

328
00:24:59.240 --> 00:25:03.039
the bottle. I stopped turned back
and made a spur of the moment decision

329
00:25:03.720 --> 00:25:08.920
instead of Besserah, I retrieved the
plastic bag wrapped dead Lucy from the pouch

330
00:25:08.960 --> 00:25:14.200
i'd stored her in and shoved her
into his hands. He fumbled to hold

331
00:25:14.200 --> 00:25:18.559
onto both her and the vodka.
Thanks, I shrugged and again turned to

332
00:25:18.680 --> 00:25:23.000
leave. I could hear the plastic
crinkle behind me as he opened the Lucy

333
00:25:23.079 --> 00:25:27.079
package. Hey, it was really
supposed to be a joke, Stefan called

334
00:25:27.119 --> 00:25:34.359
out. I stopped good one.
I managed to eke out good one.

335
00:25:34.680 --> 00:25:40.160
Fucking good one, I berated myself
as I rode through the mostly empty streets,

336
00:25:40.480 --> 00:25:44.359
zigzagging to avoid the occasional zombie.
How on earth was that a good

337
00:25:44.359 --> 00:25:48.519
one? Felix? And to make
matters worse, I'd handed them my food.

338
00:25:48.720 --> 00:25:52.400
I was clearly never gonna be able
to face that gang again. Luckily

339
00:25:52.440 --> 00:25:56.759
for me, I was no longer
even a little bit hungry, So instead

340
00:25:56.759 --> 00:26:00.279
of having barbecued pigeon as planned,
I went to sleep for dinner, feeling

341
00:26:00.319 --> 00:26:06.720
like I'd played the ultimate prank on
myself. Gotta make the joke funny somehow,

342
00:26:06.799 --> 00:26:15.079
I guess, what did you Spooky's
thing? I really enjoyed it,

343
00:26:15.119 --> 00:26:18.759
and I think you should leave a
little comment encouraging Michelle by sending an email

344
00:26:18.799 --> 00:26:23.039
to Weekly Spooky at gmail dot com. Michelle did an incredible job, and

345
00:26:23.160 --> 00:26:26.880
of course, on the thirtieth of
this month, on Monday, you'll be

346
00:26:26.920 --> 00:26:32.440
able to hear Michelle and I do
our special Monthly Spooky for Mischief Night,

347
00:26:32.799 --> 00:26:34.519
and you won't want to miss that. We have so much cool stuff coming

348
00:26:34.599 --> 00:26:37.839
up. This Saturday, I'll be
doing a new episode of Cutting Deep into

349
00:26:37.880 --> 00:26:42.880
Horror with Rachel and we're going to
be talking all about the Halloween Comedy Horror

350
00:26:42.920 --> 00:26:47.279
Classic Murder Party. You will not
want to miss that episode as well.

351
00:26:47.319 --> 00:26:49.160
I know, I know. We
have so much content our cup. It

352
00:26:49.279 --> 00:26:53.960
truly runneth over Hey, it's spooky
season, so you better believe we take

353
00:26:55.000 --> 00:26:57.920
it seriously over here. Because if
you're new to listening, just be aware

354
00:26:59.680 --> 00:27:03.759
every single week, whether it's January, February, March, April, May,

355
00:27:03.880 --> 00:27:07.960
June, July, August, September, we're always here to bring you

356
00:27:07.000 --> 00:27:11.119
the spooky. And we're gonna have
a lot of extra special episodes for the

357
00:27:11.200 --> 00:27:14.559
Christmas season as well, because some
people don't want to admit it, but

358
00:27:14.720 --> 00:27:19.839
Christmas itself has a whole lot of
spooky backstory to it, and the humongous

359
00:27:19.880 --> 00:27:25.079
thank you to our Patreon backers who
make this all possible, and especially our

360
00:27:25.119 --> 00:27:29.000
Patreon podcast boosters. These are folks
who pay just a little bit more to

361
00:27:29.039 --> 00:27:32.599
hear their names at the end of
the show, and they are Johnny Nix,

362
00:27:32.799 --> 00:27:37.960
bobotopia dot Com, Megan Hua,
Julia Kersh, Brent mccallaugh, Steve

363
00:27:37.079 --> 00:27:41.599
King, Karen Weemant, and Craig
Cohen. And if you want to join

364
00:27:41.680 --> 00:27:44.920
that list, if you want to
join the spookies helping us make sure we

365
00:27:45.039 --> 00:27:49.880
bring the scares forever and always,
just go to Weeklyspooky dot com and click

366
00:27:49.920 --> 00:27:53.160
on Patreon. For as little as
one dollar a month, you make sure

367
00:27:53.200 --> 00:27:57.000
the spooky keeps on coming and every
single month you get a brand new,

368
00:27:57.279 --> 00:28:03.400
exclusive scary story just for you,
and so much more. There is a

369
00:28:03.440 --> 00:28:07.200
lot going on over at the Patreon
over at Weeklyspooky dot com. Go over

370
00:28:07.240 --> 00:28:11.279
there and check out everything we've got, including over two hundred previous episodes.

371
00:28:11.319 --> 00:28:12.640
But now I've got to get out
of here because I have to get ready

372
00:28:12.759 --> 00:28:17.319
for so much more content, but
for myself, for my executive producers,

373
00:28:17.359 --> 00:28:19.559
Joshua Butler and Rob Fields, my
producer Dan Wilder, and my composer Ray

374
00:28:19.559 --> 00:28:25.599
Mattis. I'll talk at you tomorrow. Thank you for this phase. Make

375
00:28:25.720 --> 00:28:30.359
sure to find your way back next
week week, But for now you are

376
00:28:30.480 --> 00:28:33.000
safe. Trust me,