March 20, 2026

Lionizing by Edgar Allan Poe: Dark Satire, Vanity Horror, and a Classic Gothic Tale

Lionizing by Edgar Allan Poe: Dark Satire, Vanity Horror, and a Classic Gothic Tale
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Step into the strange and biting world of Edgar Allan Poe’s Lionizing, a sharp gothic satire that blends dark humor, social commentary, and Poe’s signature fascination with vanity, status, and human absurdity. In this unforgettable classic, a man’s rise to fame is built on something as ridiculous as it is disturbing — and the higher he climbs into fashionable society, the more twisted the praise, obsession, and cruelty become.

If you love Edgar Allan Poe stories, classic horror, gothic fiction, macabre satire, and eerie tales that expose the ugliness hiding beneath beauty and popularity, this episode delivers a weird, witty, and wonderfully unsettling listen. Lionizing is a perfect example of Poe’s ability to mix the bizarre with the brilliant, turning a strange premise into a chilling reflection on ego, reputation, and the madness of public adoration.

Lionizing — by Edgar Allan Poe

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👨‍💼 Executive Producers: Rob Fields, Bobbletopia.com
🎥 Produced by: Daniel Wilder
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One of my favorite memories of scaring myself as a

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child was getting a compilation book of Edgar Allan Poe's

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stories from my elementary school library. It brought me so

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much fear and so much excitement. I remember running home

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from school with that book in my backpack as the

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sky was dark and a storm was coming. I was

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in my childhood living room, but I wasn't alone. I

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had a pizza and the books of Poe. Every so

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often I'll bring you a tale of Poe, and I

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hope it gives you that scary fun sense, just the

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same as it does for me. When the clock strikes midnight,

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the story will begin. Lionizing by Edgar Allan Poe. I am,

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that is to say, I was a great man. But

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I am neither the author of Junius nor the man

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in the Mask. For my name is Thomas Smith, and

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I was born somewhere in the city of fum Fudge.

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The first action of my life was the taking hold

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of my nose with both hands. My mother saw this

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and called me a genius. My father wept for joy

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and bought me a treatise on nosology. Before I was breached,

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I had not only mastered the treaties, but had collected

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into a commonplace book all that is said on the

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subject by Pliny, Aristotle, Alexander, Ross, Minotuus, Felix, Hermanus, Pictorius, Delrio, Villarae, Bartholonis,

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and Sir Thomas Brown. I now begin to feel my

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way in the science, and soon came to understand that

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provided a man had a nose sufficiently big, he might,

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by merely following it, arrive at a lionship. But my

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attention was not confined to theories alone. Every morning I

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took a dram or two and gave my Probiscus a

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couple of pools. When I came of age, my father

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sent me to his study. My son said he, what

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is the chief end of your existence? Father, I said,

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it is the study of nosology? And what, Thomas, he continued,

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is nosology? Sir, I replied, it is the science of noses.

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And can you tell me? He asked, what is the

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meaning of a nose? A nose, my father said, I

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has been variously defined by about a thousand different authors.

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It is now noon or thereabouts. We shall therefore have

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time enough to get through with them all by midnight

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to commence the nose. According to Bartholinus, is that protuberance,

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that bump, that excrescence, that that will do? Thomas said,

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my father, I am positively thunderstruck at the extent of

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your information. I am upon my soul. Come here, and

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he took me by the arm. Your education may be

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considered as finished, and it is high time you should

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scuffle for yourself. So so so here he kicked me

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downstairs and out of the door. So get out of

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my house, and God bless you, as I felt within

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me the divine apltis. I considered this accident rather fortunate

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than otherwise, and determined to follow my nose. So I

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gave it a pull or two and wrote a pamphlet

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on nosology. All foom fudge was in an uproar. Wonderful genius,

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said the Quarterly superb Physiologist, said the new Monthly Fine writer,

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said the Edinburgh great man said Blackwood. Who can he be?

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Said missus Basbleu. What can he be? Said miss Basbleu?

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Where can he be? Said miss Basbleu. I paid them

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no manner of attention and walked into the shop of

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an artist. The Duchess of bless my Soul was sitting

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for her portrait. The Marchioness of So and So was

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holding the Duchess's poodle, the Earl of this and That

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was flirting with her salts, and his Royal Highness of

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touch me not was standing behind her chair. I merely

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walked towards the artist and held up my proboscis. Oh beautiful,

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sighed the Duchess of bless my soul, Oh pretty list

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the Marchioness of so and so, horrible, groaned the Earl

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of this and that, abominable, growled his Highness of touch

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me not. What will you take for it? Said the artist?

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A thousand pounds, said I, sitting down. A thousand pounds,

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he inquired, turning the nose to the light, precisely, said

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I beautiful, said he, looking at the nose. A thousand pounds,

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said I, twisting it to one side, admirable, said he.

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A thousand pounds, said I. You shall have them, said he,

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What a piece of virtue. So he paid me the

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money and made a sketch of my nose. I took

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rooms in German Street, sent his Majesty the ninety ninth

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edition of the Nosology, with a portrait of the author

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and his Royal Highness of touch me not invited me

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to dinner. We were all lions and recherets. There was

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a grand Turk from Stamboul. He said that the angles

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were horses, cocks and bulls, that somebody in the sixth

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heaven had seventy thousand heads and seventy thousand tongues, and

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that the earth was held up by a sky blue

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cow with four hundred horns. There was sir positive paradox.

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He said that all fools were philosophers, and all philosophers

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were fools. There was a writer on ethics. He talked

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of fire, unity and atoms by part and pre existent soul,

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affinity and discord, primitive intelligence and homuria. There was theologos theology.

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He talked of Eusebius and Ariennis, heresy and the Council

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of Nice, consubstantialism, homosios and homosiosis. There was Fricasier from

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the Rocher de Cancale. He mentioned latour Mark, Brunnan, Marescino,

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Mireton of red tongue and cauliflowers with Velute, sauce ville A,

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La Saint Menejult, marinade A, La Saint Florentine and orange

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jellies in mosaics. There was signor Tintontintino from Florence. He

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spoke of Simabou, Aprino, Carpaccio and Argo Dostino, the gloom

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of Caravaggio, the amenity of Albano, the golden glories of Titian,

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the frows of Reubens, and the waggeries of jan Steen.

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There was the great geologist Feltspar. He talked of hornblende, mica, slate, quartz, sheist, chorol,

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and pudding stone. There was the president of Fumfudge University.

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He said that the moon was called Bendis in Thrace,

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Bubastis in Egypt, Dion in Rome, and Artemis in Greece.

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There was Delphinis Polyglot. He told us what had become

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of the eighty three lost tragedies of Aeschulis, one of

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the fifty four orations of Issuus, of the three hundred

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and ninety one speeches of Lysias, of the one hundred

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and eighty treatises of Theopratus, of the Eighth Book of

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the Conic Sections of Apollonius, of Pindar's Hymns and Dithrambics,

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and the five and forty tragedies of Omer Junior. There

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was a modern platonist, he quoted Poor Fhiry, Lambicus, Plotinus, Proclus, Heracules, Mammamus, Tyrius,

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and Syrianus. There was a human perfect ability man. He

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quoted Turgot Price, Priestley, Condorcet de Stale, and and the

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ambitious student in rather ill health. There was myself. I

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talked of Pictorius del Rio, Alexander Ross, Minetius, Felix, Bartholinus,

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Sirthos Brown, and the science of noses. Marvelous clever man,

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said his Highness, superb said the guests, and the next

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morning her grace of bless my soul paid me a visit.

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Will you go to Almacs? Pretty creature? She said, certainly,

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said I knows, and all she asked positively. I replied, here,

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then is a card, she said, I shall say you

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will be there, dear Duchess, with all my heart pshaw no,

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but with all your nose, every bit of it my life,

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said I. So I gave it a pull or two

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and found myself at Almacs. The rooms were crowded to suffocation.

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He is coming, said somebody on the staircase. He is coming,

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said somebody farther up, he is coming, said somebody farther still,

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he is come, said the Duchess, He is come, the

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little love. And she caught me by both hands and

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looked me in the nose. Ah Joli, said Mademoiselle pas Soul,

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dios Gerda said, Don Stiletto, di'avolo said, Count Capricornutto, tausend

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Tuffel said, Baron Bludenoff, Tweedle, d tweedle, d tweedle dumb

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said the orchestra, ah Joli, Diusgarda d'avolo, and tucsain Tuffel

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repeated Mademoiselle pas Soul, Don Stiletto, Count Capricornutto, and Baron Bludenoff.

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It was too bad, it was not to be borne.

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I grew angry, Sir, I said to the Baron, you

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are a baboon. Sir replied he, after a pause, Donner

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and Blitzen, this was sufficient. The next morning I shot

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off his nose at six o'clock, and then called upon

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my friends. Bete said, the first fool said, the second

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ninny said, the third dolt said, the fourth noodle said,

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the fifth ass said, the sixth be off said, the seventh.

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At all this I felt mortified and called upon my father. Father,

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I said, what is the chief end of my existence?

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My son? He replied, it is still the study of Nosology.

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But in hitting the baron's nose you have overshot your mark.

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You have a fine nose, it is true. But then

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blud enough has none. You are dead, and he has

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become the lion of the dead. In fume fudge, great

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is a lion with a proboscis, but greater by far

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is a lion with no proboscis at all.