The Eerie '80s... 1880's! 5 Stories of Cowboys, Vampires, and MURDER in the Old West!

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Hello, my spookies. It's Friday, and it's the start of April.

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But this compilation is no laughing matter
and certainly not a joke. This is

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a collection of terrifying tales, some
true, some classic, and some original

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to Weekly Spooky for the totally tubular
eighties. However, in this case we're

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talking about the eighteen eighties. So
prepare yourself for stories about cowboys, for

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stories about a time so simple yet
so deadly and dangerous, because we have

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five chilling tales and we're going to
start it off with a terrifying and true

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episode all about the Ashland Massacre.
Believe me, it's a story to leave

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your blood running cold, and we'll
get to that in so much more after

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these quick messages. The Ashland Massacre, which is also known as the Ashland

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Tragedy, took place in eighteen eighty
one. It was a long time ago

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but is still extremely heartbreaking and it'll
make you feel deeply for the victims.

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Martha Gibbons lived in a little house
in a small town in East Ashland.

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She lived with her youngest children,
Fanny Gibbons, Robert Gibbons and Sterling Gibbons.

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The small family lived a simple and
peaceful life, which was mostly supported

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by Robert's income from working as a
nail feeder at the Norton Ironworks. Also

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called Robbie by his loved ones,
he was merely a seventeen year old who

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had lost one leg in a tragic
accident in the early years of his life.

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Fanny Gibbons was a beautiful young girl
who had just turned fourteen. Sterling

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was the youngest of all children and
only eleven years of age. This impoverished

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family had no idea of the horror
that would befall them. On the night

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of the twenty third of December eighteen
eighty one, the mother decided to visit

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her married daughter in Ironton, Ohio, and decided to take Sterling with her.

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They even shopped for Christmas presents on
their way. The holiday spirit must

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have been in full bloom by then. Before leaving, Martha asked her neighbor,

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Carolina Thomas, if the latter's daughter, Emma would be willing to stay

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and accompany Robbie and Fanny while their
mother would be away. This was also

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brought upon since the children's father was
away and didn't live with them at that

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point. The motive wasn't to babysit
them, but rather provide Fanny company while

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her brother would be away at work, and perhaps even stay the night.

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The mother agreed, of course,
since there was no reason for her to

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say no. They were neighbors who
already lived so close to each other,

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and all three children would enjoy being
together, especially since Fanny and Emma were

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in the same age group and also
best friends. Their friendship, coupled with

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the holiday spirit, made them excited
and delighted about this arrangement. Emma went

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over to join Fanny at her house
at six pm, and that was the

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last time her mother saw her alive. At four thirty am the next morning,

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Carolina saw the Gibbons house in flames. You can imagine the shock the

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poor woman must have felt knowing her
young daughter was inside. Instinctively, she

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rushed towards the house and cried for
help, and the fire was eventually put

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out with neighbor's help. The dead
bodies of all three children were taken out

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and placed on mattresses. A whole
crowd had gathered by then, and everyone

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felt sheer pity for the befallen tragedy. However, the darkness of the night

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did not reveal all the details of
that horrifying evening. It was when the

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sun came out the next morning and
the brightness of the day was able to

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shed light upon the truth. People
of all kinds rushed and gathered, irrespective

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of age, size, color,
or distance from the crime scene. Firstly,

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the bodies were mutilated. Secondly,
the examination revealed evidence of sexual assault

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on both girls. The three innocent
children had been murdered in cold blood.

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We can be sure of the fact
that the news of this gruesome night reached

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the entire small town fast. Even
in those days. Both mothers must have

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been devastated and feeling very guilty for
leaving their children behind. The entire populace

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of their small burg was outraged,
and rightly so. There was a demand

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for answers, for justice and for
the truth to come out. The civic

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leaders of the area decided to put
their Christmas festivities aside and set out to

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thoroughly investigate the matter. There was
a meeting that was attended by hundreds of

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people to decide on this matter.
Money was donated and arranged to be paid

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to detectives, and a reward was
raised to whoever brings any crucial piece of

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information related to the case. Just
imagine the level of unity amongst the people

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who were outraged and wanted justice to
be served. The first suspect was George

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Gibbons, who was the father of
Fanny and Robert Gibbons, as his whereabouts

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were unknown at the time of the
incident. However, later the father's innocence

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was proven and it was revealed that
he had been staying in Virginia, and

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the investigation took another turn. Deputy
U. S. Marshall Hefflin was involved

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in the case and in January of
eighteen eighty two. A month later,

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he arrested some men. These three
men were George Ellis, William Neil and

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Ellis Craft. George Ellis instantly confessed
that he was present at the house on

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the night of the murder, but
put the entire blame on his other two

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accomplices. He claimed that they had
made him accompany them at gunpoint and he

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had no choice in the matter.
He also revealed some very gruesome details of

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what happened within that small house while
he was there with his criminal compatriots and

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the three innocent children. He stated
that Neil and Craft awoke him on the

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night of the twenty third of December
and took him to the Gibbons house.

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The two had been planning to rape
Fanny and Emma since before the night started.

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They all moved into the house through
a window. Ellis claimed that he

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only supervised as Craft raped Fanny and
Neil raped Emma. He even mentioned how

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Fanny kept weeping and pleaded with her
attacker to stop to no avail. He

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also claimed that Emma cried out that
she knew who Neil was and would tell

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her mother. Amidst all this,
Robert awoke and was about to come into

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the room they were all in,
but he got struck in the head with

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an axe by Craft. He then
hit Fanny with the axe and killed her

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instantly. Emma was murdered by Neil
after that. Ellis Craft even added that

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the cries of the girls were gripping
and full of pleas for mercy. However,

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the men paid no heed. He
was the only one of them to

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narrate this chain of events, as
the other two completely denied this story.

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The three men were apprehended and then
brought by steamboat to Katlitsburg, where they

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were secured as there was a fear
that the mob of angry people could lynch

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them, but deep down everyone knew
that lynching by a mob was an inevitable

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fate in that era of American history. For these wretched murderers, Around ten

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armed men safeguarded the prisoners held at
the jail to keep them safe until their

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trials. All three were charged with
allowing a betting and plodding murder. George

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Ellis was singly charged with three counts
of murder, a loophole he got from

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testifying against his accomplices. William Neil
also confessed to the crime, albeit eventually

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there was a rumor that a militia
was even trying to save these men.

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Somehow. Neil and Craft were charged
with first degree murder and sentenced to hang,

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while Ellis was only sentenced to life
in prison. Some of the apprehensions

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did come true, as some of
the apprehensions did indeed come true, as

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forty masked men broke into Katlitsburg Jail
through a window. They had arrived by

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train and came with their aim to
lynch these prisoners. Even with this being

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a crime in and of itself,
can we really blame these people for being

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hungry for vengeance? In the eighteen
hundreds, it was not uncommon for the

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people to take matters into their own
hands, and this is exactly what these

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men did. They weren't satisfied with
the verdict, and this was the result

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of their disapproval. The mob of
men was able to unlock George Ellis's cell

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and take him out. They took
him to the crime site and hung him

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by a sycamore tree. Neil and
Kraft tried to appeal their convictions and were

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given another trial each. Nearly a
year after the crime, there was a

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resumed urge for vengeance among the people
of the town of Ashland. The state

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militia kept the prisoners under armed surveillance. The judge was requested by the prisoners

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for venue change to allow for a
free and fair second trial, which was

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approved. While the prisoners were on
their way to their new venue, a

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bunch of men opened fire on the
steamboat of the prisoners, and the troops

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returned fire. It is unconfirmed who
fired first, but it is said that

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fifteen hundred shots were fired by the
soldiers, mostly wounding and killing civilians of

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the town. The soldiers fired everywhere, leaving many men, ten women and

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children Deay. This event marks how
the populace was severely infuriated by this case.

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Their level of anger can be seen
by their efforts to take the matter

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into their own hands. This also
reflects the severity and sensitivity of this crime.

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The prisoners then arrived at their new
location safely. However, neither of

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the two men was successful in their
second trials and were charged with the same

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crimes, first degree murder and the
punishment to hang. In the last attempt

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to save Craft, his brother found
a black man in Ohio who would confess

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to the crime to save Craft from
execution. This is a truly bizarre but

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interesting part of this case because once
again the unity of the people in Ashland

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comes into place. They made sure
that justice was truthfully served and that no

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innocent man was punished. Was also
rumored that Craft's friends intended to lynch Direly,

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who was the black man that they
had convinced to confess to the heinous

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crimes, in order to draw attention
to him and away from Craft. However,

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the people of Ashland were intensely indignant
and made sure that Diary was not

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charged with something he hadn't done.
Instead, they made sure that the real

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criminal was the one punished, and
not some poor innocent man fearful for his

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life. Once again we witnessed the
uninterrupted hatred of the people of Ashland toward

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those who harmed their inhabitants. Ellis
Craft's hanging took place on October twelfth,

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eighteen eighty three, in Grayson,
Kentucky, and was witnessed by a large

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awaiting crowd. William Neil was hanged
in Grayson on March twenty seventh, eighteen

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eighty five. Till their last dying
breath, these two men claimed innocence and

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did not confess fully at all.
As we bring the timeline of the Ashland

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tragedy to an end, there are
some extremely important things to go over,

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the primary question being why was the
state militia so willing to fire on civilians,

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many of them unarmed and innocent demanding
justice. Could it have been a

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horrible misjudgment of the situation from the
militiamen. Going back to the night of

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the twenty third of December eighteen eighty
one, how did these men know that

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the children would be alone at the
Gibbons house. Were they stalking the family

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or perhaps they were stalking Fanny Gibbons
and Emma Thomas for a long while,

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was the aggrieved populace of Ashland so
committed to standing by justice because they felt

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deeply for the poor children and their
local inhabitants, or simply because they had

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no faith in the system to provide
them with their justice. Could the latter

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be a reflection of the poor judicial
system of the state. If yes,

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then we can say, if it
weren't for the fight of these common people

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till the very end, justice might
not have been served. These unanswered questions

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could perhaps point toward a much,
much larger picture. Now, putting these

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technical and political questions aside, our
hearts go out to the poor mothers of

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the children, Martha Gibbons and Carolina
Thomas. These two women lost so much

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so suddenly, and had to live
with the grief and trauma of that loss

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for all their lives. After researching
this story, we also discovered that Martha

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Gibbons had lost a five year old
child before this tragedy as well, which

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made me feel even sadder for her. We also discovered this song on Spotify

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called nothing Burns Like the Cold,
which is a tribute to the Ashland massacre

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for a crime that took place around
one hundred and fifty years ago. The

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wounds and grievances of the victim's families
still feel oddly fresh. The people of

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Ashland, Kentucky, simply would not
stand idly by and watch such a vicious

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tragedy against the innocence of children go
unpunished. Calamity Jane versus Dracula, Part

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one by John o'dollon. The Perfeto
kid had seen a lot of bad things,

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and done most of them himself,
but he had never seen anything as

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bad as George Barker's pale, straining
ass perched over a fresh grave. He

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done took money off of me playing
cards in deadwood. I'll never get it

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back. Barker exclaimed. It was
the grave of wild Bill Hiccock, fresh

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in the ground, And at first
nobody laughed, because if anyone was inclined

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to come back as a haint and
twice as ornery, it was wild Bill.

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But then Sugar Groves, the outlaw
band's leader, gafawed, and the

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others followed suit. Some humor was
needed once in a while to calm down

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this desperate band of men, horse
thieves and former slave catchers and Mexican bandits

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and gunslinger alhoots who drank whiskey every
night and were inclined to shoot at the

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smallest slight. So Barker crouched and
shot on Hickock's grave, his mouth open

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and braying laughter, until a bullet
entered one cheek, making a small hole,

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and blew out the other cheek in
a scatter of blood and flesh that

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sprayed the tombstone, and Barker went
down screaming. The Perfido kid and the

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other men there filled their hands,
except for the kid's longtime partner called Johnny

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Alphabet, who seldom seemed moved by
violence, even when he was the cause.

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Barker gurgled and stopped screaming, slumped
over, and Perfido clearly heard sugar

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Grove say I'll be damned. When
Perfido followed his gaze, he saw a

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swaying figure holding a smoking pistol in
one hand and a bottle of whiskey in

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the other, arising from behind a
gravestone. His experienced eye saw a small,

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scrawny woman in a fringe buckskin jacket, dirty canvas pants, and a

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battered hat with a band of tarnished
silver conches cavalry boots with a bowie knife

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jutting from the top a Wells Fargo
coach gun strapped across her back with a

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length of braided rope, another rope
around that looped through the trigger guard of

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a silver plated Colt Navy revolver with
an ivory grip, and a pair of

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Smith and Wesson Model three Schofield forty
five caliber revolvers slung from bony hips.

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She had a Hopkins and Alan Ranger
thirty two caliber revolver in one hand,

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which Perfido assumed she had pulled from
her belt as she was out of other

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options to store it. The Perfido
kid knew all in a rush that this

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was Calamity Jane, and he was
indeed closer to being damned than he had

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ever been. Shooter yelled Groves,
but the men were already firing. Chunks

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of dirt and stone coughed up all
around Calamity Jane as her thirty two bark

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back Tulsa. John Reid, who
had been with Sugar Groves the longest,

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was the first to go down with
a bullet in his chest. Little Archie

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Evans took a bullet in the throat
and went down, coughing blood. Then

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Groves's outlaws saw their way towards cover. The big Mexican Joaquin Cortes called Ocho,

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took a bullet in the leg,
diving for cover, hid his head

201
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on a tombstone and was out of
the fracas Perfido ducked behind a low hill

202
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and tugged at Alphabet's serape, a
big dirty thing that fit the giant like

203
00:19:17.359 --> 00:19:22.480
an old army tent. His round
blank face blinked at Perfido, then he

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00:19:22.599 --> 00:19:27.559
squatted, but Calamity Jane still stood, swaying, firing until the thirty two

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was empty, then chucking it aside
and pulling one of her big forty fives.

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She raised the bottle to her lips
with the other hand and took a

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squinty look at her attackers. Then
she started walking towards them. The Perfido

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kid was a ladies man as well
as a stone hearted killer, and he

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had seen plenty of drunk women,
gotten some of them that way, and

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sobered others up with hard slaps.
That Calamity Jane was blind drunk was obvious

211
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that she was killing hard bitten gun
hands. Threw a chill into Perfido,

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a loud neigh rose even above the
constant gunfire. Perfido looked over his shoulder

213
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and saw a second frightening sight.
There a short ways off stood a tall

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00:20:15.039 --> 00:20:21.599
appaloosa, night black, with white
spots and old scars dotting its muscular frame,

215
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teeth bared. Grat Carver was the
first to break from the gunfight,

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leaping from behind a withered tree and
reaching for the horse. Calamity Jane cut

217
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him down, and he skidded in
the dirt and died. The Indian called

218
00:20:37.000 --> 00:20:41.279
Chilicothee Sam, who always bragged on
being a horseman among his people, tried

219
00:20:41.279 --> 00:20:45.400
his luck next. He was close
to the big horse when the creature reared

220
00:20:45.519 --> 00:20:52.519
up and brought his striped hoofs straight
down on Chilicothee Sam's chest. Bones cracked,

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and Sam coughed blood. His old
pard ned. Cornelius had seen enough

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and brought his forty five to bear
on the horse. The Appaloosa lunged forward,

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big white teeth bared, and suddenly
Cornelius was screaming and showing a bloody

224
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hole where his nose had been.
His eyes rolled back to whites, and

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he fell. The Appaloosa kicked with
its hind legs and killed a man who'd

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been in the gang such a short
time, Perfido couldn't remember his name.

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Sugar Groves was roaring, seeing his
loosely held band of outlaws fall to pieces

228
00:21:26.799 --> 00:21:32.880
under the seemingly indifferent gaze of a
woman dressed like a raggedy man. So

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Calamity Jane shot him next, and
then her forty five clicked on an empty

230
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chamber. With Groves dead, Perfido
saw Big alf Slade tensing to run for

231
00:21:44.400 --> 00:21:48.880
it to escape both Calamity Jane and
the murderous appaloosa with blood on its face.

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Calamity Jane was sliding her smoking forty
five back into its holster when Slades

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stood up from a crouch and made
to turn. Calamity Jane tugged on the

234
00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:03.319
braided rope that held her coach gun
slung across her back, and brought it

235
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to bear. She filled Slade with
buckshot, and he fell where he stood,

236
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gouting blood, and then all was
quiet. Perfido and Alphabet stayed put.

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From his vantage point, Perfido saw
Calamity Jane carefully bend over to set

238
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the still half full bottle of whiskey
on the ground. She tried to steady

239
00:22:26.920 --> 00:22:32.920
herself, then went down on one
knee. She swayed and made an effort

240
00:22:32.960 --> 00:22:37.440
to get back up. The Perfido
kid had shot men from cover and in

241
00:22:37.519 --> 00:22:41.680
the back, and had shot women, so he had no qualms about pressing

242
00:22:41.720 --> 00:22:48.160
his advantage. Perfido had a forty
one cult thunderer revolver that he picked up

243
00:22:48.160 --> 00:22:52.119
because of the name, but it
had served him in plenty of killings.

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Perfido propped himself up on one elbow
and shot downhill at Calamity Jane. He

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saw her battered hat fly off on
a fountain of blood, and she fell

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00:23:02.480 --> 00:23:07.559
face forward and didn't rise. Next
to him, Alphabet's round, placid face

247
00:23:07.759 --> 00:23:14.960
finally showed interest. He had been
born Joda Skretdenberget and was a big Norwegian

248
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with not much English. It was
Perfido that gave him his moniker because he

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00:23:18.880 --> 00:23:25.400
got tired of trying to pronounce it
or watching Skrederberget kill people who laughed.

250
00:23:26.119 --> 00:23:30.319
Alphabet brought one of his big knives
out from under his serape, and his

251
00:23:30.480 --> 00:23:34.480
cold, flat eyes glittered. Perfido
put a hand on his meaty arm.

252
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We don't got time for that.
We gotta go. He had one eye

253
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on the big scarred appaloosa, who
snorted and stomped its feet and then backed

254
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away from the two prone men.
There was a scrabbling sound behind him,

255
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and he spun and looked down his
gun at Ocho crawling across the ground and

256
00:23:53.039 --> 00:23:59.440
dragging one blood drenched leg. Damn
that, Calamity Jane. Help me to

257
00:23:59.480 --> 00:24:03.839
a horse, He go, why
you can't ride, you'd just slow us

258
00:24:03.880 --> 00:24:08.839
down, And with that the Perfido
Kid shot Ocho in the face. Ned

259
00:24:08.880 --> 00:24:14.440
Cornelius had one hand on a tree
and one over his ruined nose. The

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00:24:14.480 --> 00:24:18.440
Perfido Kid turned and studied him.
I can ride, I can ride,

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00:24:18.640 --> 00:24:25.119
Yeah, but you're ugly to look
on, and Perfido shot him too.

262
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Then, with a last look at
Calamity Jane's still form, he turned and

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00:24:30.119 --> 00:24:34.759
quit the cemetery. The Perfido Kid
and Alphabet were not much outside the gates

264
00:24:34.799 --> 00:24:41.000
when a long, bloody shadow was
thrown across their shoulders. Alphabet had time

265
00:24:41.079 --> 00:24:45.559
to think about his knife and the
kid and all the women he had known,

266
00:24:45.359 --> 00:24:56.200
but neither heard Calamity Jane's guns barking
twice more, when Colorado Charlie Utter

267
00:24:56.279 --> 00:25:00.480
didn't see Calamity Jane by noon.
He he went where he always went to

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00:25:00.559 --> 00:25:07.240
find her, Wild Bill Hickock's grave
at the Mount Mariah Cemetery. He saw

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00:25:07.240 --> 00:25:11.559
a number of dead men there that
would greatly increase the population of the boothill

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Deadwood had diligently filled. Worse,
Utter found Old Arbus Pike, the coffin

271
00:25:17.240 --> 00:25:19.839
maker who lived in a little shack
at the edge of the cemetery, dead

272
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as well. Utter knew Pike often
shared his bottle with Jane and was the

273
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only one who could keep time with
her, a fact that had led Pike

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00:25:29.799 --> 00:25:34.680
to his lonesome shed his family gone
back east somewhere. Utter and his plodding

275
00:25:34.720 --> 00:25:40.599
town horse, Clover ambled back to
Deadwood more slowly, trying to cut her

276
00:25:40.640 --> 00:25:44.519
trail. There was a crust of
snow, but Utter could watch sign and

277
00:25:44.599 --> 00:25:49.000
let Clover go. Sometimes, when
Calamity Jane was really bad, she would

278
00:25:49.039 --> 00:25:53.519
steal Clover from Utter's camp, because
she knew that no matter where she passed

279
00:25:53.519 --> 00:25:59.680
out, Clover would eventually walk back
to town. Utter wished Jane had taken

280
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him. This time. Clover shied
a bit, and Utter saw why up

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00:26:03.799 --> 00:26:08.640
hill, not far from the trail, stood the great black Appaloosa crisscrossed with

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scars that Jane had taken to riding. The horse had blood in its mouth

283
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and on its hoofs It saw Utter, and, to Utter's relief, ran

284
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the other direction. Utter knew that
the horse hated men, but his relief

285
00:26:23.359 --> 00:26:27.799
was tinged with a little fear.
Jane was the only one that horse would

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00:26:27.839 --> 00:26:33.400
allow near, and the horse had
not come out this far from Deadwood under

287
00:26:33.400 --> 00:26:37.359
its own steam. Utter remembered the
day that Appaloosa had come into town with

288
00:26:37.400 --> 00:26:44.119
an outlaw called hungry Bill Grenaway on
its back. Greenaway had brought that Appalusa

289
00:26:44.200 --> 00:26:48.279
right down the main street of Deadwood, bucking and snorting, yanking at the

290
00:26:48.319 --> 00:26:52.440
Spanish bit in its mouth. Hungry
Bill tried to control the horse with a

291
00:26:52.519 --> 00:26:56.960
length of knotted rope. He jumped
down in front of the Gems Saloon and

292
00:26:56.079 --> 00:27:00.599
tied it to the rail. There. The horse had blood running out of

293
00:27:00.599 --> 00:27:03.000
its mouth and all along its flanks
when Greenaway went in for a drink,

294
00:27:03.559 --> 00:27:08.519
as the bartender, Johnny Burns explained
to Utter later, Grenaway stood at the

295
00:27:08.519 --> 00:27:14.000
bar and told everyone there he had
killed a Nez Purse warrior for that Appaloosa.

296
00:27:14.680 --> 00:27:17.839
Whether he killed the Indian in a
fair fight or not was up to

297
00:27:17.880 --> 00:27:22.119
speculation, but the fact that these
horses were the pride of the nes Purse

298
00:27:22.559 --> 00:27:26.920
was not in question, and Grenaway
enjoyed talking about how he was beating the

299
00:27:26.960 --> 00:27:30.799
horse into submission the way he had
done to the Indians. That was until

300
00:27:30.799 --> 00:27:34.640
Calamity Jane came through the bat wing
doors with her bowie knife in her hand

301
00:27:34.920 --> 00:27:40.759
and set upon a surprised hungry Bill. In short order, Grenaway was bleeding

302
00:27:40.799 --> 00:27:45.400
from several deep cuts and his clothes
hung in ribbons. Calamity Jane picked that

303
00:27:45.519 --> 00:27:51.319
knotted rope off from the floorboards and
began beating Grenaway across the back with it.

304
00:27:51.720 --> 00:27:55.680
Grenaway was soon crawling down the main
street and away with Jane on his

305
00:27:55.759 --> 00:28:02.240
heels. Hungry Bill was not seen
in town again, but wherever he was,

306
00:28:02.920 --> 00:28:07.799
he was surely crippled up. There
were several men standing around the horse,

307
00:28:07.319 --> 00:28:11.480
who was kicking and neighing. Burns
offered to shoot the horse as a

308
00:28:11.559 --> 00:28:15.680
mercy until Jane chased him back into
the gem with the shotgun off her back.

309
00:28:17.359 --> 00:28:21.400
Then she patted the horse as easy
as you please, removing the Spanish

310
00:28:21.440 --> 00:28:26.119
bit and leading it out of town. Soon, Calamity Jane was riding that

311
00:28:26.200 --> 00:28:30.240
fierce Appaloosa from place to place,
and there was one more reason to be

312
00:28:30.359 --> 00:28:33.920
scared to see her coming. Utter
checked a few more places in town and

313
00:28:34.000 --> 00:28:38.799
finally ended up at the office of
the new Sheriff, con Stapleton. Utter

314
00:28:38.920 --> 00:28:42.839
had to knock, as Stapleton kept
the door to the building locked at all

315
00:28:42.960 --> 00:28:48.440
times, with himself inside it.
After a moment, Utter saw Stapleton's white

316
00:28:48.720 --> 00:28:53.680
baleful eye, and then the black
hole of the new Sheriff's colt army revolver.

317
00:28:53.799 --> 00:29:00.920
Alongside you alone, Colorado. No, I got the James and younger

318
00:29:00.960 --> 00:29:04.559
boys with me. The lock on
the door snicked open, and Utter stepped

319
00:29:04.559 --> 00:29:11.200
inside. Who are you hiding from? Stapleton? Con Stapleton retreated to a

320
00:29:11.200 --> 00:29:15.720
plain desk. Against the wall.
Above it hung a spencer rifle on two

321
00:29:15.799 --> 00:29:21.839
pegs. The room was hot and
stuffy from a smoky little stove. Stapleton

322
00:29:21.880 --> 00:29:27.720
looked hunkered down for war. I
don't hide from nobody, not even Calamity

323
00:29:27.839 --> 00:29:34.200
Jane. Stapleton gave Utter a long
look. No, sir, even though

324
00:29:34.279 --> 00:29:38.480
she got up a rumpus at Bella
Union last night. What do you know

325
00:29:38.519 --> 00:29:45.319
about that nothing, which is why
I come to ask you. Utter had

326
00:29:45.359 --> 00:29:49.680
no intention of telling Stapleton about the
pile of corpses at the cemetery. He

327
00:29:49.839 --> 00:29:55.640
was sure Calamity Jane would never kill
old Arbus Pike, but wouldn't roll the

328
00:29:55.720 --> 00:30:00.480
dice on any of the others.
Stapleton rubbed his jaw. So some of

329
00:30:00.519 --> 00:30:04.519
the boys was playing cards and Fast
Hand Fred Webb drew aces and eights.

330
00:30:06.079 --> 00:30:08.279
He laughed, and Jane, who
was drinking at the bar, overheard it.

331
00:30:08.799 --> 00:30:14.119
I reckon fast Hand is stretched out
on a board somewheres, mused Utter.

332
00:30:14.759 --> 00:30:18.160
No, Jane just drew and shot
him in the hand. Three fingers

333
00:30:18.200 --> 00:30:22.880
got blowed off, and then that
dog what Tom Miller keeps behind the bar,

334
00:30:22.039 --> 00:30:26.599
jumped out and at the fingers.
Damn, remind me to stay away

335
00:30:26.599 --> 00:30:33.000
from that mud now that it's got
a taste for human flesh. Fast Hand

336
00:30:33.000 --> 00:30:36.960
had two pards with him at the
table. One wasn't drunk enough to draw

337
00:30:36.960 --> 00:30:41.680
and Calamity Jane, but the other, what was called bitter Root Bob was

338
00:30:41.200 --> 00:30:47.079
and Jane shot him twice, but
he'll live. Jane was in a forgiven

339
00:30:47.200 --> 00:30:51.839
mood. She has been in a
mood calls herself a witter these days.

340
00:30:52.559 --> 00:30:56.599
Careful how you talk about that Warren
Utter. You think she and wild Bill

341
00:30:56.720 --> 00:31:00.240
was married, like she says,
He didn't ever give up the sport in

342
00:31:00.359 --> 00:31:07.039
life that I seen. As I
said, Stapleton narrowed his eyes. She

343
00:31:07.160 --> 00:31:11.359
was blind drunk anyways, it don't
never hurt her shooting eye. Stapleton put

344
00:31:11.359 --> 00:31:15.279
his thumb in his belt, webbing
them. Other two boys decided against pressing

345
00:31:15.400 --> 00:31:19.960
charges and lit out for Leadville.
Otherwise Calamity Jane would be in that cell

346
00:31:21.000 --> 00:31:25.400
over there this morning. No,
you'd be laying on a board somewheres,

347
00:31:25.759 --> 00:31:30.240
and we'd be looking for a new
sheriff. Stapleton looked pained. I don't

348
00:31:30.279 --> 00:31:33.880
know why you got to nettle me
Colorado, cause you again Calamity Jane,

349
00:31:34.359 --> 00:31:38.440
and that ain't a safe place to
be fast hand. Fred Webb ought to

350
00:31:38.519 --> 00:31:42.119
drop a coin in the collection plate. That all he got to do today

351
00:31:42.200 --> 00:31:47.160
is change his nickname to Stumpy.
Utters stepped out onto the street, looking

352
00:31:47.240 --> 00:31:49.519
up and down. He had talked
to the dock and peeked in at the

353
00:31:49.599 --> 00:31:55.200
undertaker. He knew she would never
go to Nuttle and manned saloons. Since

354
00:31:55.240 --> 00:32:00.359
Crooked knows Jack McCall changed all their
lives and was no longer welcome at the

355
00:32:00.359 --> 00:32:05.720
Bella Union or the Gem at least
for a day or two. Calamity Jane

356
00:32:05.799 --> 00:32:09.359
cast a long shadow wherever she stood. How could she have disappeared from the

357
00:32:09.359 --> 00:32:15.720
streets of Deadwood? The day started
like a lot of days started for Martha

358
00:32:15.799 --> 00:32:20.960
Jane Canary. She awoke with her
head ringing, the sunlight too bright,

359
00:32:21.680 --> 00:32:25.720
not sure where she was. Then
she realized she was where she often awoke,

360
00:32:27.400 --> 00:32:30.799
on the road to the cemetery on
Mount Mariah. The woman known as

361
00:32:30.799 --> 00:32:36.640
Calamity Jane sat up, sending an
empty bottle spinning away into the grass.

362
00:32:37.559 --> 00:32:42.599
She stood, squatted back down,
dropped her canvas pants, and peed into

363
00:32:42.599 --> 00:32:46.440
the ditch alongside the road. That
is when Calamity Jane thought she saw a

364
00:32:46.440 --> 00:32:52.519
bloody faced angel. The figure was
all in white jacket and vest and slacks

365
00:32:52.599 --> 00:32:59.440
and crumpled hat and splintered parasol,
slumped against a tree, blood streaming down

366
00:32:59.480 --> 00:33:02.880
his face. Jane hitched up her
pants, put her hand on the handle

367
00:33:02.920 --> 00:33:07.000
of her Hopkins and Alan rangers stuck
in her belt, and stepped forward.

368
00:33:07.880 --> 00:33:12.480
The man came awake, all at
once, reaching for his own empty holster,

369
00:33:12.960 --> 00:33:15.920
then scrabbled around the grass until he
came up with what Jane thought was

370
00:33:15.960 --> 00:33:22.039
a stick, but turned out to
be a silver tipped walking cane. Whoa

371
00:33:22.200 --> 00:33:25.200
there, pard, Jane said,
But she could see the man was in

372
00:33:25.279 --> 00:33:30.640
no shape for walking, much less
fighting with his cane. He dropped the

373
00:33:30.680 --> 00:33:35.480
walking cane and waved feebly with his
free hand. I see, I'm at

374
00:33:35.480 --> 00:33:39.079
your disposal, Miss. I have
been subjected to banditry, which I would

375
00:33:39.079 --> 00:33:45.319
not have fallen prey to were I
not medically indisposed at the moment calamity.

376
00:33:45.400 --> 00:33:49.440
Jane looked at him narrowly as a
round of coughing took away the man in

377
00:33:49.519 --> 00:33:54.000
white's breath. That blood on your
face, you're a lunger. The man

378
00:33:54.079 --> 00:34:00.240
dabbed at his mouth with a white
handkerchief, and the curative powers of the

379
00:34:00.319 --> 00:34:05.079
Dakotas have yet to work its magic. The man tucked his kerchief away.

380
00:34:05.519 --> 00:34:09.360
Spotted with blood. He offered up
a salute instead of his hand. I'm

381
00:34:09.440 --> 00:34:15.280
Tom Mackie, miss, but my
associates call me whiskey Tom. I would

382
00:34:15.320 --> 00:34:19.800
be obliged if you would not call
me miss whiskey. Tom took in the

383
00:34:19.880 --> 00:34:24.519
fringe buckskin jacket, canvas pants,
battered hat, cavalry boots with the Bowie

384
00:34:24.559 --> 00:34:30.039
knife jutting from the top the Wells
Fargo coach gun strapped across her back with

385
00:34:30.119 --> 00:34:34.400
a length of braided rope, her
Hopkins and Alan Ranger thirty two caliber revolver

386
00:34:34.519 --> 00:34:37.760
now in her back belt. I
beg your pardon, by what name shall

387
00:34:37.800 --> 00:34:45.239
I call you, Calamity Jane?
Something flickered in Tom Mackie's eyes. And

388
00:34:45.360 --> 00:34:50.760
I am recently widowed, so that
calling me a miss wouldn't be right.

389
00:34:51.719 --> 00:34:55.760
Ah, I did not hear about
this marriage or its unhappy end. Who

390
00:34:55.880 --> 00:35:05.239
was your husband? While Bill Hickock
whiskey Tom swallowed audibly, I see whiskey.

391
00:35:05.239 --> 00:35:09.559
Tom tore his gaze from Jane and
looked around himself. I was headed

392
00:35:09.559 --> 00:35:14.559
for the gem to deal Pharaoh,
but I see my dealing box has gone,

393
00:35:14.599 --> 00:35:20.119
along with my money and what meager
possessions I carried. He still got

394
00:35:20.119 --> 00:35:24.039
that purdy parasol. You are right, and shade from the sun is no

395
00:35:24.119 --> 00:35:30.880
small thing in these sun baked lands. Calamity Jane rested her thumbs in her

396
00:35:30.920 --> 00:35:34.679
gun belt. I would be happy
to help you back to Deadwood, as

397
00:35:34.679 --> 00:35:37.400
I amble that way myself, but
I would be just as happy to go

398
00:35:37.480 --> 00:35:44.000
hunting for your belongings for a fee. Whisky. Tom got to his feet.

399
00:35:44.639 --> 00:35:46.880
As much as I would like to
oblige you on all counts, I

400
00:35:46.920 --> 00:35:52.639
cannot do it in good conscience.
The scoundrel that robbed me had an unwholesome

401
00:35:52.719 --> 00:35:55.440
gleam in his eye. However,
I do believe I winged him before my

402
00:35:55.480 --> 00:36:00.679
pistol was taken in a fit of
fearful coughing, and I missed that gun.

403
00:36:01.360 --> 00:36:07.360
It was ivory handled and silver plated. Calamity Jane gave Tom a tight

404
00:36:07.440 --> 00:36:14.480
lipped smile. Unwholesome scoundrel, them's
my favorite kind whiskey. Tom searched her

405
00:36:14.480 --> 00:36:22.360
face. He was also dragging a
coffin. Mighty convenient. It may have

406
00:36:22.440 --> 00:36:28.760
had a current occupant, an owl
hoot dragging a heavy coffin. How bad

407
00:36:28.760 --> 00:36:37.760
a tracker you think I am?
Kin Chiants had murder in his blood when

408
00:36:37.760 --> 00:36:43.119
he crossed the smooth talking, white
suited man. First Yants had been kicked

409
00:36:43.119 --> 00:36:46.239
off the stage coach to Deadwood for
speaking out of turn to a woman he

410
00:36:46.360 --> 00:36:52.119
thought might be in the sporting life. The man she was with whom Yantas

411
00:36:52.239 --> 00:36:57.280
came to learn was her husband,
took umbrage and drew a pistol on him

412
00:36:57.440 --> 00:37:01.320
when they stopped to stretch their legs. The stage driver and the jasper riding

413
00:37:01.400 --> 00:37:06.880
shotgun had weapons on him as well. Before he could think it was three

414
00:37:07.000 --> 00:37:12.880
against one, so Yantis did nothing
when they unlashed the master's coffin and lowered

415
00:37:12.880 --> 00:37:19.119
it to the dirt. But one
day unlimited power would be his. Yantis

416
00:37:19.239 --> 00:37:27.079
thought it was what the Master promised. Yantis began pulling the coffin towards deadwood.

417
00:37:27.440 --> 00:37:31.079
As the heat rose. It didn't
take long for Yantis to smash the

418
00:37:31.119 --> 00:37:37.119
consumptive gambler's Faroh box and leave it
behind. He had only taken it out

419
00:37:37.119 --> 00:37:40.719
of spite anyway, because of the
bullet in his shoulder that would need to

420
00:37:40.760 --> 00:37:45.199
be pried out in deadwood, but
he kept the few coins he had stolen

421
00:37:45.880 --> 00:37:52.440
to pay the doctor if the Master
did not exact his own fee. Yantis

422
00:37:52.559 --> 00:37:55.920
was a middling ranch hand on the
Morris spread when Quincy Morris struck out for

423
00:37:57.000 --> 00:38:01.480
parts unknown during the ranch boss's life
long absence. Most of the other hands

424
00:38:01.480 --> 00:38:07.840
had drifted on, but Kinch Yantis
had nowhere in particular to go, and

425
00:38:07.920 --> 00:38:12.800
nobody in particular who wanted him,
so he stayed on the crooked queue and

426
00:38:12.880 --> 00:38:16.519
did as little as possible, although
as little as possible grew to be more

427
00:38:16.639 --> 00:38:23.320
and more as their numbers dwindled,
And then one night a new boss arrived.

428
00:38:23.880 --> 00:38:29.039
Yantis was thinking about that night when
he pulled his heavy burden up to

429
00:38:29.119 --> 00:38:32.960
the livery stable and stopped. The
old man who ran the livery had been

430
00:38:34.039 --> 00:38:38.280
either just awakened or had been drinking
as night was falling on deadwood. It

431
00:38:38.320 --> 00:38:43.840
could have been either. You can
put that coffin around back, the old

432
00:38:43.880 --> 00:38:47.000
man said, sourly. It needs
to be inside, tucked in with the

433
00:38:47.079 --> 00:38:52.880
hay, Yantas said. The old
man snorted, I don't reckon. The

434
00:38:52.920 --> 00:38:59.199
occupant cares none, but he does, Yantas said, and realized it was

435
00:38:59.280 --> 00:39:08.159
dark enough to open the lid.
Calamity. Jane could see that Whiskey Tom's

436
00:39:08.199 --> 00:39:13.960
attacker had dragged the coffin all the
way to the livery stable. To what

437
00:39:14.280 --> 00:39:19.639
end she did not know yet,
but she did know that Whiskey Tom's final

438
00:39:19.679 --> 00:39:24.360
destination was the Gem and Pharaoh dealing, and could probably stand her a drink

439
00:39:24.440 --> 00:39:30.159
or two for acting as his guide. It was Al Sweringen, himself,

440
00:39:30.480 --> 00:39:35.639
owner of the gem, who set
up their drinks after warning Calamity Jane about

441
00:39:35.679 --> 00:39:39.599
fighting her old friend Colorado. Charlie
Utter also joined the pair at the bar

442
00:39:40.199 --> 00:39:46.000
and looked at whiskey Tom carefully.
Well, Jane, you've done brought back

443
00:39:46.039 --> 00:39:51.840
one alive, and that's all Utters
said about his morning long search for her.

444
00:39:52.519 --> 00:39:57.480
I ain't seen your horse, though
Jane squinted at him. Was I

445
00:39:57.840 --> 00:40:02.679
riding him? Or he did followed
you? Calamity Jane nodded, and Utter

446
00:40:02.800 --> 00:40:07.400
realized she had no memory of what
had happened. He'll come home when he

447
00:40:07.440 --> 00:40:12.920
feels like it. Utter nodded,
but said nothing about the fate of anyone

448
00:40:12.960 --> 00:40:17.559
that might come across the Appaloosa until
it found its only master again. Calamity

449
00:40:17.639 --> 00:40:22.920
Jane put her drink down Suddenly.
She had been an army scout and a

450
00:40:22.920 --> 00:40:27.760
pony express rider and knew to trust
the prickling of her scalp. She looked

451
00:40:27.760 --> 00:40:30.920
around the crowded, dimly lit bar
and took note of a very pale,

452
00:40:31.719 --> 00:40:37.880
very thin figure in a dark suit
with a short cape inching along the wall.

453
00:40:38.719 --> 00:40:44.679
He slipped up the stairs and Calamity
Jane wondered in passing if he had

454
00:40:44.679 --> 00:40:49.400
the strength to take on the pleasures
available up there. She turned back to

455
00:40:49.440 --> 00:40:53.159
her drink, but soon screams from
the second floor put her pistol in her

456
00:40:53.159 --> 00:40:59.360
hand, and she saw instantly that
Colorado Charlie had done the same. Whiskey

457
00:40:59.400 --> 00:41:05.199
Tom sat sipping at his namesake drink
and watching them with mild interest as the

458
00:41:05.239 --> 00:41:08.920
two thundered up the stairs. There
was no thought of seeking out Deadwood's new

459
00:41:08.920 --> 00:41:14.199
sheriff, Cohn Stapleton, who had
undoubtedly locked himself in the jail. At

460
00:41:14.239 --> 00:41:20.000
the first sounds of gunfire, Calamity
Jane topped the landing first and saw the

461
00:41:20.039 --> 00:41:23.920
pale, thin figure in the dark
clothes standing there, But she looked past

462
00:41:24.000 --> 00:41:30.480
him for signs of a rumpus,
and so was surprised when he began moving

463
00:41:30.559 --> 00:41:36.760
quickly towards them, almost more quickly
than Jane's eye could register. Both Calamity

464
00:41:36.840 --> 00:41:40.559
Jane and Utter fired at once,
and neither ever went wide. The ghostly

465
00:41:40.639 --> 00:41:45.239
figure was hit and thrown sideways,
crashing through the banister and hitting the bare

466
00:41:45.280 --> 00:41:52.760
plank floor below. Both gun hands
peered over the broken banister that sounded like

467
00:41:52.840 --> 00:41:58.400
Pearl, ventured Utter, and it
would be a sorrowful thing if she were

468
00:41:58.480 --> 00:42:02.800
hurt. She's the freshest flower in
this dirt patch. The silence was finally

469
00:42:02.840 --> 00:42:08.559
broken below by the light tinkling of
the piano. All eyes turned to see

470
00:42:08.599 --> 00:42:15.920
whiskey Tom curiously idly plinking away at
the keys a soft melody, so it

471
00:42:16.000 --> 00:42:21.880
was unlikely background music for when the
figure leaped up, more like rose up

472
00:42:22.119 --> 00:42:25.800
from the floor and threw himself at
Swerringen, smashing him into the big mirror

473
00:42:25.800 --> 00:42:30.639
behind the bar, and then raced
almost flew across the room and out the

474
00:42:30.679 --> 00:42:37.559
bat winged front doors of the Gem. Then the saloon really erupted into chaos,

475
00:42:37.199 --> 00:42:43.519
so it was some time before Utter
realized Pearl was indeed dead, and

476
00:42:43.599 --> 00:42:49.400
several other sporting girls besides blood pouring
out of them. Calamity Jane was looking

477
00:42:49.440 --> 00:42:52.639
for someone to kill and marched out
of the bat winged doors. Utters saw

478
00:42:52.679 --> 00:42:58.000
this and followed, so they were
the only two treated to the curious sight

479
00:42:58.519 --> 00:43:00.840
of the being in the black suit
scrambling up the side of the Gem,

480
00:43:01.039 --> 00:43:07.159
and with the flap of its short
black cloak, apparently taking to wing and

481
00:43:07.280 --> 00:43:14.719
disappearing into the moonlight. Utter felt
an enormous chill tripped down his spine,

482
00:43:14.719 --> 00:43:21.239
but Calamity Jane seemed unfazed. Utter
wasn't sure what ghosts she saw every day

483
00:43:21.280 --> 00:43:28.440
already. What were that thing?
Utter finally said. Calamity Jane had smoking

484
00:43:28.480 --> 00:43:32.639
pistols in both hands. Something that
needs killed, she said, and looked

485
00:43:32.679 --> 00:43:38.039
off into the darkness. What was
forming there was a group of figures slowly

486
00:43:38.079 --> 00:43:45.480
making their way towards Calamity Jane and
Colorado. Charlie Pearl, croaked Utter.

487
00:43:45.159 --> 00:43:51.199
Calamity Jane held firm with her two
pistols. That ain't Pearl, she countered,

488
00:43:51.760 --> 00:43:54.960
but Utter strode forward, his eyes
fixed on the bloody figure emerging from

489
00:43:54.960 --> 00:44:00.360
the gloom with others of the working
girls from the gem. Utter reached out

490
00:44:00.360 --> 00:44:04.960
a hand to the soiled dove,
and she reached out in return. Utter

491
00:44:05.679 --> 00:44:09.960
Calamity Jane shouted, but it was
too late. Pearl's hand grabbed Utter by

492
00:44:09.960 --> 00:44:15.280
the throat with a grip stronger than
any normal woman or man. Her voice

493
00:44:15.400 --> 00:44:22.440
hissed out, filled with grave dirt. Get away from us. The Master

494
00:44:22.679 --> 00:44:29.119
wants a special bride tonight. Pearl
threw Utter into the side of the livery

495
00:44:29.119 --> 00:44:32.920
stable and he hit with a sickening
sound. To Calamity Jane's ears, it

496
00:44:34.079 --> 00:44:38.079
sounded like death. Calamity Jane fired, but Pearl was flinging herself through the

497
00:44:38.119 --> 00:44:45.159
air, almost flying, sharp teeth
gleaming over her shoulder. In the last

498
00:44:45.280 --> 00:44:53.760
second, Calamity Jane thought she saw
wild Bill Hiccock and thought that maybe he'd

499
00:44:53.800 --> 00:45:00.480
not been in her mind but a
real haint. After all, end of

500
00:45:00.599 --> 00:45:15.880
part one, Last time on Calamity
Jane versus Dracula, Jane is gone on

501
00:45:15.960 --> 00:45:22.079
a drunken rampage, killing owl,
hoots and bad guys all over the outskirts

502
00:45:22.079 --> 00:45:29.320
of Deadwood. She's mad. She's
livid because her beloved while Bill Hickock is

503
00:45:29.440 --> 00:45:34.519
dead. Meanwhile, her old friend
Colorado Charlie Utter, is trying to figure

504
00:45:34.519 --> 00:45:39.480
out how to calm Jane down before
the blood keeps on flowing. But speaking

505
00:45:39.519 --> 00:45:46.960
of blood flowing, rumors begin traveling
around town about a mysterious stranger dragging a

506
00:45:47.039 --> 00:45:54.199
coffin in his wake as he passes
through the inhospitable desert. One night at

507
00:45:54.199 --> 00:46:01.400
the bar, Colorado, Charlie Utter
and Calamity Jane encounter the undead and that,

508
00:46:01.599 --> 00:46:06.599
my friends, is where we've left
off, So now it's time for

509
00:46:06.679 --> 00:46:19.440
the thrilling conclusion of Calamity Jane Versus
Dracula. Calamity Jane Versus Dracula, Part

510
00:46:19.559 --> 00:46:30.239
two by John o'doll. The fangs
of the saloon girl Pearl were closing in

511
00:46:30.280 --> 00:46:36.039
on Calamity Jane's neck. Over the
pale, blood spattered shoulder. Calamity Jane

512
00:46:36.079 --> 00:46:43.559
saw wild Bill Hiccock staring at her
with blazing red eyes. Pearl's cold breath

513
00:46:43.639 --> 00:46:49.360
was feted the thangs coming closer,
but Calamity Jane was paralyzed for maybe the

514
00:46:49.400 --> 00:46:54.000
first time in her life, caught
between the living and the dead. You

515
00:46:54.119 --> 00:47:00.199
will be his favorite bride, screeched
Pearl. Calamity Jane rallied and lifted her

516
00:47:00.239 --> 00:47:06.079
twin Smith and Wesson Model three Schofield
forty five's one clicked on an empty chamber,

517
00:47:06.119 --> 00:47:09.599
but the other fired and blew a
hole in Pearl's left eye that sprayed

518
00:47:09.639 --> 00:47:15.599
gore from behind onto the dusty street. Pearl's jaw swung loose, the teeth

519
00:47:15.679 --> 00:47:19.880
trying to close, but the black
nails of both hands raked at Jane as

520
00:47:19.920 --> 00:47:23.000
she rolled free. The forty five
was also clicking empty now, so she

521
00:47:23.119 --> 00:47:28.159
reached for the Hopkins and Alan Ranger
thirty two tucked in her belt, but

522
00:47:28.360 --> 00:47:32.719
wild Bill, in whatever form he
was taking, was pointing at the ground.

523
00:47:34.599 --> 00:47:38.719
Somehow Jane knew he meant for her
to grab at a board that Colorado

524
00:47:38.800 --> 00:47:44.480
Charlie Utter's flying body had knocked loose
from the livery stable. She picked it

525
00:47:44.559 --> 00:47:49.159
up just as Pearl took another flying
leap at her, but this time Pearl

526
00:47:49.239 --> 00:47:52.760
ran herself up on the jagged board, and the two women living and unliving

527
00:47:52.800 --> 00:47:59.679
went down in a heap, but
only the gunfighter. Calamity Jane stood looking

528
00:47:59.719 --> 00:48:02.840
down at the inert creature with the
sliver of wood run through her heart and

529
00:48:02.960 --> 00:48:07.400
out between her shoulder blades. She
looked for the specter of wild Bill,

530
00:48:08.360 --> 00:48:14.880
but saw nothing in the deadwood streets, including the other creatures like Pearl,

531
00:48:15.199 --> 00:48:21.280
who had melted into the shadows.
Screams were now being heard farther away.

532
00:48:22.320 --> 00:48:27.639
A groan came from nearby. Calamity
Jane strode over and towed Colorado Charlie with

533
00:48:27.679 --> 00:48:32.360
her boot. I thought you was
dead, Calamity Jane said casually. Utter

534
00:48:32.480 --> 00:48:37.599
groaned again. I can't be killed
that easy, Jane. You ought to

535
00:48:37.639 --> 00:48:42.320
know that utter made himself sit up. Even though it was dark. He

536
00:48:42.400 --> 00:48:51.639
thought Calamity Jane was smiling. Yen, the town blacksmith, was the first

537
00:48:51.679 --> 00:48:54.960
to realize what was wrong. Down
the road at the Gem saloon, he

538
00:48:55.079 --> 00:49:00.639
heard the screams and smelled blood on
the air, and remembered his village in

539
00:49:00.760 --> 00:49:05.320
China. He stepped away from his
forge, which he worked at day and

540
00:49:05.440 --> 00:49:10.960
night, and whispered a single word, jug Shi. Yen walked out into

541
00:49:10.960 --> 00:49:15.199
the street, where his eyes quickly
fell on a stranger in town. Kin

542
00:49:15.320 --> 00:49:22.280
chiantis laughing and clapping and dancing a
little jig. Blood was leaking freely from

543
00:49:22.280 --> 00:49:28.760
a shoulder wound that the laughing man
didn't seem to notice. The master feeds

544
00:49:28.880 --> 00:49:35.800
tonight, Yantis crowed. Yen knew
at once this man was z Wren,

545
00:49:36.400 --> 00:49:40.639
a paper servant to a dead master, so he reached out with his two

546
00:49:40.760 --> 00:49:50.119
calloused hands and snapped Yantis's neck.
His insane laughter gurgled and stopped. Yen

547
00:49:50.280 --> 00:49:54.079
let the corpse fall to the ground
and slipped back into the shadows, and

548
00:49:54.239 --> 00:50:00.400
then went back to his forge to
get to work. Khan's Stapleton heard shots

549
00:50:00.440 --> 00:50:05.840
and screams coming from the direction of
the gem and immediately checked the bolt on

550
00:50:05.880 --> 00:50:10.239
the sheriff's office and doused the lamp. He took the spencer rifle down off

551
00:50:10.239 --> 00:50:15.760
its pegs and sat in his office
chair, hoping the ruckus would die down.

552
00:50:15.320 --> 00:50:22.480
And eventually the silence came and Stapleton
stopped shaking. Then there was a

553
00:50:22.519 --> 00:50:29.239
gentle knocking at the door. Stapleton
called out from where he was, who's

554
00:50:29.320 --> 00:50:34.119
there. There was a soft,
well modulated voice on the other side of

555
00:50:34.159 --> 00:50:39.239
the door. There's been a shooting. I done heard it, Stapleton shouted,

556
00:50:39.760 --> 00:50:45.719
people need help. Was the calm
reply. I'll be along presently,

557
00:50:45.159 --> 00:50:51.280
Stapleton answered reluctantly. There was a
silence on the other side of the door.

558
00:50:52.280 --> 00:50:58.480
I need help, came the voice. Stapleton stood slowly, go holler

559
00:50:58.519 --> 00:51:02.039
for the dock. I can't help
you. Un Again, con Stapleton was

560
00:51:02.079 --> 00:51:08.639
faced with what seemed to be a
great silence. Open the door. To

561
00:51:08.719 --> 00:51:15.440
Stapleton, it sounded like some sort
of soft command. I said, I'd

562
00:51:15.440 --> 00:51:21.199
be along presently, but there wasn't
much force in Stapleton's words. There was

563
00:51:21.280 --> 00:51:29.119
that long, dark silence. Open
the door. Stapleton started to wonder what

564
00:51:29.239 --> 00:51:34.320
exactly was going on. The voice
did not sound angry, but he still

565
00:51:34.360 --> 00:51:43.400
lifted the spencer and inched forward slowly. Please there was a foreign inflection there.

566
00:51:44.000 --> 00:51:46.800
Stapleton didn't have much use for foreigners, but thought he might as well

567
00:51:46.840 --> 00:51:52.320
see what this person needed. Anyways, Stapleton's hand was on the handle.

568
00:51:52.280 --> 00:51:58.400
The door flew open. Stapleton had
the spencer up, but probably was never

569
00:51:58.440 --> 00:52:00.840
going to get off a shot,
no matter who, who, or what

570
00:52:00.440 --> 00:52:09.000
was on the other side of the
door. Anyway, it was a bad

571
00:52:09.159 --> 00:52:14.360
night in Deadwood. Al Sweringen was
dead, and all of the women,

572
00:52:14.400 --> 00:52:17.440
except a young gal named Lacey,
who looked like she had aged twenty years

573
00:52:17.480 --> 00:52:22.199
from what she'd seen upstairs, the
gem was all but gone in one night,

574
00:52:22.920 --> 00:52:29.239
so everyone adjourned to the Bella Union, where Colorado Charlie Utter turned Lacy

575
00:52:29.320 --> 00:52:34.400
over to his old friend Madam Mustache, and the barkeep Tom Miller, stood

576
00:52:34.400 --> 00:52:39.360
everyone a drink. Nobody has seen
the sheriff, and the Chinese blacksmith wouldn't

577
00:52:39.400 --> 00:52:45.480
leave his forge. Some of the
town council were there, including Saul Starr

578
00:52:45.760 --> 00:52:49.639
and the mayor E. B.
Farnham. John Manning, who was head

579
00:52:49.679 --> 00:52:52.119
of the volunteer fire department, offered
to burn the gem to the ground that

580
00:52:52.280 --> 00:52:57.679
very night, but all were afraid
the rest of Deadwood would also be gone.

581
00:52:58.239 --> 00:53:02.039
Nobody thought to go get the town
marshall or even said con Stapleton's name

582
00:53:02.920 --> 00:53:08.639
whiskey. Tom sat quietly and coughed
blood and downed his namesake drink, and

583
00:53:08.719 --> 00:53:15.440
Calamity Jane stood and fingered her silver
plated Colt Navy revolver with the ivory grip,

584
00:53:15.039 --> 00:53:20.639
and everyone knew that revolver she kept
on a rope around her neck which

585
00:53:20.719 --> 00:53:25.920
was inscribed JB. Hickock eighteen sixty
nine. So Calamity Jane was thinking of

586
00:53:27.000 --> 00:53:31.199
ghosts and murder that night. She
had stalked around for a while after the

587
00:53:31.239 --> 00:53:37.920
mass murder of the working girls and
turned up nothing. Colorado Charlie Utter was

588
00:53:37.960 --> 00:53:42.039
the one to suggest they gather up
a real posse and start looking building to

589
00:53:42.159 --> 00:53:45.039
building a house to house to make
sure the killer did not quit Deadwood.

590
00:53:45.079 --> 00:53:50.239
That night, Tom Miller pulled his
La Matte revolver out from under the bar,

591
00:53:51.119 --> 00:53:54.199
the dangerous double barreled weapon with hand
cast bullets coming out of the first

592
00:53:54.239 --> 00:54:00.719
barrel and buckshot coming out of the
other. The bartender, Johnny Burns currently

593
00:54:00.760 --> 00:54:05.119
out of a job as the gem
was not to reopen, had all angles

594
00:54:05.159 --> 00:54:08.920
covered with a big sharp's rifle over
one shoulder and a derringer in his pocket.

595
00:54:09.599 --> 00:54:14.960
Soul Starr and his partner Seth Bullock
joined up, Star with a Colt

596
00:54:15.000 --> 00:54:20.840
Sheriff's Model single Action Army Revolver and
Bullock packing his Remington Model eighteen seventy five.

597
00:54:21.599 --> 00:54:25.719
Whiskey Tom seemed content with his silver
headed walking stick. Calamity Jane and

598
00:54:25.840 --> 00:54:30.840
Utter carried more guns and knives than
you could take in at a glance.

599
00:54:30.800 --> 00:54:35.639
They started at the stable in case
he decided to steal a horse from old

600
00:54:35.679 --> 00:54:39.280
man Brocius. Utter thought that would
be a dangerous thing, as the crusty

601
00:54:39.400 --> 00:54:45.840
character was supposedly the uncle of the
notorious outlaw curly Bill Brochius, and thus

602
00:54:46.000 --> 00:54:51.840
nobody tried to cheat or even cuss
the old man. But whoever had torn

603
00:54:51.880 --> 00:54:58.559
the stable owner's throat out had apparently
never heard of Curly Bill. Calamity Jane

604
00:54:58.599 --> 00:55:01.599
narrowed her eyes at a broa sweep
of dirt leading away from the stable.

605
00:55:02.239 --> 00:55:07.679
She pointed that there looked like the
sign I'd done followed back from where I

606
00:55:07.719 --> 00:55:13.320
found Whiskey Tom what's that got drug
there? Whiskey Tom leaned on his walking

607
00:55:13.360 --> 00:55:19.400
stick. A coffin, he said, and the two words kind of hung

608
00:55:19.480 --> 00:55:23.119
there. They went out into the
street, but quickly lost the track of

609
00:55:23.199 --> 00:55:28.760
the drag coffin in all the hoof
prints and bootprints and wagon tracks of the

610
00:55:28.800 --> 00:55:32.599
busy frontier town. The five men
and one woman had nothing more to say

611
00:55:32.639 --> 00:55:37.880
about that, and started their search. They worked until sun up and went

612
00:55:37.960 --> 00:55:43.199
everywhere but back to the Belly Union
and over to the Sheriff's office, And

613
00:55:43.280 --> 00:55:47.639
that second decision was a bad one. But the sun did eventually come up,

614
00:55:47.840 --> 00:55:52.880
and Mayor Farnham said they should at
least board up the gem, and

615
00:55:52.000 --> 00:55:55.679
those who had stayed up all night
drinking in fear and excitement at the Belly

616
00:55:55.760 --> 00:56:00.559
Union and still drunk enough to think
that that would be the end of that,

617
00:56:00.320 --> 00:56:05.840
went ahead and did so. Once
the hammering ended, a cloak of

618
00:56:05.920 --> 00:56:10.360
silence fell over the town. Everyone
was inside, and the doors and windows

619
00:56:10.400 --> 00:56:16.239
closed. Gun hands and cowpokes and
soiled doves and miners and the very busy

620
00:56:16.360 --> 00:56:22.440
undertaker and the lone preacher who could
have offered some words of comfort but didn't.

621
00:56:22.480 --> 00:56:27.480
Calamity Jane and Colorado. Charlie stood
at the hitching post outside of the

622
00:56:27.480 --> 00:56:32.840
Belly Union and marveled at the quiet. But soon there came the padded feet

623
00:56:32.920 --> 00:56:37.639
of the stray dogs heading away,
and then a horse kicked the side out

624
00:56:37.639 --> 00:56:43.039
of the stable, and the thunderous
hoof beats of a half dozen mounts shattered

625
00:56:43.039 --> 00:56:47.199
that silence. As they charged away
and were gone. It roused whiskey Tom

626
00:56:47.280 --> 00:56:52.960
from wherever he was, and he
joined them at the post. A few

627
00:56:52.960 --> 00:56:58.000
moments later there was an awful loud
scratching and scuffling, and Calamity Jane turned

628
00:56:58.039 --> 00:57:02.880
towards the sound, and then a
wave of rats coursed its way down the

629
00:57:02.920 --> 00:57:08.119
center drag of deadwood with an eerie, chittering noise. A haze of dust

630
00:57:08.199 --> 00:57:14.480
followed in their wake, and when
it settled, the terrible silence fell once

631
00:57:14.559 --> 00:57:19.079
more. I didn't think there was
that many rats in deadwood, Utter said,

632
00:57:20.159 --> 00:57:23.880
there was that many in the gem. Calamity Jane answered. There was

633
00:57:23.920 --> 00:57:30.119
a loud nigh, almost like the
shriek of some hidden beast, And there

634
00:57:30.199 --> 00:57:36.320
was Jane's big scarred appaloosa, prancing
and flashing its hoofs and baring its teeth

635
00:57:36.320 --> 00:57:40.280
at the far end of town,
but coming no further. Utter gave it

636
00:57:40.320 --> 00:57:45.440
an unsettled look. If that hell
creature won't come into town, then we

637
00:57:45.599 --> 00:57:51.880
may be doomed, he said.
But what caught Calamity Jane's eye was the

638
00:57:51.920 --> 00:57:55.800
open door of the blacksmith shop,
the only place where sound and noise had

639
00:57:55.880 --> 00:58:00.800
been heard off and on all day. Did somebody talk to the blacksmith?

640
00:58:01.360 --> 00:58:06.719
She asked, I think Bullock poked
his head in there. But you know

641
00:58:06.800 --> 00:58:12.239
them, chinamen, keep to themselves, Utters stated Calamity Jane made for the

642
00:58:12.280 --> 00:58:22.559
open door as the others watched.
Calamity Jane stepped inside and watched Yen at

643
00:58:22.559 --> 00:58:29.159
his forge. The heat calmed the
chill coursing through her veins. Jane looked

644
00:58:29.199 --> 00:58:34.440
on as Yen removed a flat slab
of steel from the fire, its edges

645
00:58:34.559 --> 00:58:39.239
too red to look at radiating heat. I reckon, you know what we're

646
00:58:39.320 --> 00:58:45.719
up against, Calamity Jane finally asked. Yen just look back at her and

647
00:58:45.760 --> 00:58:52.480
nodded. He is a creature of
the living dead, like a haint worse

648
00:58:52.119 --> 00:58:57.360
as these feet off the blood of
the living. Yeah, I done saw

649
00:58:57.400 --> 00:59:01.960
that last night. Calamity Jane looked
at the cooling blade. Is this how

650
00:59:02.000 --> 00:59:07.519
you kill one of these dirt napped
Johnny's Jane asked, it looks like the

651
00:59:07.599 --> 00:59:13.119
end of a shovel. It can
be used for a shovel. After calamity

652
00:59:13.199 --> 00:59:20.119
Jane understood this. She had used
a shovel after Yen sat the flat blade

653
00:59:20.159 --> 00:59:24.280
on the ground next to a hook
shaped piece of metal already cooling. I'll

654
00:59:24.280 --> 00:59:29.239
sharpen it. Then it can be
used for the killing strike, which removes

655
00:59:29.280 --> 00:59:34.679
their heads. Jane looked at the
markings of the deadly weapon. So what's

656
00:59:34.719 --> 00:59:39.480
the hook for? To distract them
until the blow can be dealt? Stabbing

657
00:59:39.519 --> 00:59:47.039
only distracts these Jaspers. Yes,
and you know all this, how Yen

658
00:59:47.159 --> 00:59:52.719
looked up from his work. I
killed two Jiangshi. It is part of

659
00:59:52.760 --> 00:59:58.280
the reason I had to leave China. Now, can you bring wood from

660
00:59:58.320 --> 01:00:04.159
a cemetery? Jen acted like he
had expected Jane all along, and Yen

661
01:00:04.239 --> 01:00:08.400
knew, of course, Calamity Jane
spent many days and nights at Mount Mariah

662
01:00:08.480 --> 01:00:15.599
Cemetery. She only nodded, when
you need this here stick before nightfall,

663
01:00:15.320 --> 01:00:19.920
when the metal cools, I will
join the two pieces with the wood to

664
01:00:20.039 --> 01:00:24.440
make the moontooth spade. Calamity.
Jane had her thumb and her gun belt.

665
01:00:24.800 --> 01:00:30.280
Then we hunt. Yen looked at
her, his eyes glittering. No

666
01:00:30.519 --> 01:00:39.679
calamitous one, then we will be
hunted. It seemed like, without anyone

667
01:00:39.760 --> 01:00:45.960
saying exactly why, most of Deadwood
crowded into the Bella Union that night,

668
01:00:45.519 --> 01:00:51.440
where Tom Miller and Johnny Burns both
poured drinks and kept their guns at hand.

669
01:00:52.239 --> 01:00:54.920
Down at one end of the long
main street, Soul Star and Seth

670
01:00:54.960 --> 01:01:00.159
Bullock set up patrol. At the
other, Colorado Charlie Utter and the white

671
01:01:00.199 --> 01:01:06.519
suited man called Whiskey Tom held the
road. Calamity, Jane and Yen were

672
01:01:06.519 --> 01:01:10.800
in the blacksmith shop and left alone. Earlier, Utter had stopped to bring

673
01:01:10.880 --> 01:01:15.880
Jane a plate of victuals and was
astounded to find her asleep on a stool

674
01:01:15.880 --> 01:01:20.239
in the corner, while Yen sweated
over his anvil. Utter had not slept

675
01:01:20.280 --> 01:01:24.480
in two days and didn't know when
he would again. The first strange thing

676
01:01:24.559 --> 01:01:30.039
that happened that night was the door
to the Sheriff's office banged open, and

677
01:01:30.119 --> 01:01:35.840
con Stapleton finally emerged. Bullock was
the one who spotted him, and he

678
01:01:36.079 --> 01:01:39.440
and Starr followed him. Curiously as
a giggling Stapleton made his way down the

679
01:01:39.480 --> 01:01:45.440
street and into the church. Makes
sense, nodded Bullock. But I don't

680
01:01:45.440 --> 01:01:51.360
see God anywheres near this. There
was a lone gunshot within the church,

681
01:01:52.079 --> 01:01:57.719
and the two partners quickened their steps
inside. They saw that Stapleton had found

682
01:01:57.800 --> 01:02:02.800
some guts somewhere and shot the preacher
in the head. He was with great

683
01:02:02.960 --> 01:02:07.920
enthusiasm, tearing the religious iconography down
from the humble walls of the church.

684
01:02:08.719 --> 01:02:15.639
He met the pair's dumbfounded looks with
crazed, red rimmed eyes. This holy

685
01:02:15.719 --> 01:02:20.440
place is a blight in the Master's
kingdom. Stapleton cried out and smashed a

686
01:02:20.480 --> 01:02:24.800
wooden cross against the wall, splintering
it in two. Stapleton wiped sweat and

687
01:02:24.920 --> 01:02:29.880
drool from his face. I told
the Master I would do this work for

688
01:02:29.960 --> 01:02:32.320
him. I would profane this place
for him, and in exchange, he

689
01:02:32.360 --> 01:02:37.360
would have to destroy the only other
obstacle to his kingdom. Of all those

690
01:02:37.400 --> 01:02:42.199
to die to serve him, tonight, Calamity Jane must be first. For

691
01:02:42.280 --> 01:02:45.679
the first time, Bullock felt pity
for Stapleton, so he shot him in

692
01:02:45.719 --> 01:02:52.000
the face and watched the back of
his head spray across the ruined alter go

693
01:02:52.079 --> 01:02:55.079
and again, Calamity Jane. Hell, this might be over quicker than we

694
01:02:55.119 --> 01:03:00.960
thought. Star just looked at him. You wanted to be sheriff. Anyways,

695
01:03:01.519 --> 01:03:07.679
A great gust of cold wind blew
in behind them. Without thinking,

696
01:03:07.960 --> 01:03:13.039
Bullock turned and fired his remington as
a large, flapping, dark shape descended

697
01:03:13.079 --> 01:03:17.480
on them. Whether a bullet hit
flesh, neither man ever knew. Colorado.

698
01:03:17.599 --> 01:03:22.960
Charlie Utter had just stepped out of
the Undertaker's parlor with Whiskey Tom when

699
01:03:22.000 --> 01:03:28.840
he heard the shots and recognized Bullock's
barking remington. The white suited gambler had

700
01:03:28.880 --> 01:03:34.079
just retrieved his ivory gripped nickel plated
Model eighteen seventy seven Colt Lightning from the

701
01:03:34.119 --> 01:03:38.400
worn holster of Kinciantis, who had
conveniently left it there while getting his neck

702
01:03:38.480 --> 01:03:45.440
snapped by the big handed town blacksmith. The two men exchanged glances before we

703
01:03:45.559 --> 01:03:50.400
venture forth. I must admit I'm
not commonly called Whiskey Tom, he said

704
01:03:50.400 --> 01:03:52.760
to Utter. I didn't figure that
was the name your mamma gave you.

705
01:03:53.519 --> 01:03:58.840
When I feel like I need a
respite from the constant fear of backshooting and

706
01:03:58.920 --> 01:04:02.519
gun challenges. I take the Moniker
whiskey Tom and go deal Faraoh. Awhile

707
01:04:03.519 --> 01:04:09.960
a good plan. Utter agreed,
in case I die tonight and lay toes

708
01:04:10.079 --> 01:04:14.239
up next to the great wild Bill
Hiccock, I would prefer the wooden cross

709
01:04:14.239 --> 01:04:20.039
to bear the name John Henry Holiday. Utter blinked and nodded, pleasure to

710
01:04:20.079 --> 01:04:26.039
know you, Doc, and then
Utter filled his hand with his favorite gun,

711
01:04:26.440 --> 01:04:30.960
his trusty Colt Model eighteen seventy three
Peacemaker, and stepped into the road.

712
01:04:31.920 --> 01:04:36.679
Doc Holliday followed. They were aiming
for the church, but stopped when

713
01:04:36.719 --> 01:04:41.719
they saw the rag doll body of
Tom Miller get thrown through the bat wings

714
01:04:41.760 --> 01:04:45.239
of the belly Union. His prized
La Matt spun in the dirt until Utter

715
01:04:45.320 --> 01:04:50.400
picked it up and fired first one
barrel and then the buckshot barrel at the

716
01:04:50.440 --> 01:04:58.039
black suited figure backlit in the doorframe. He was either blown or Utter feared

717
01:04:58.559 --> 01:05:04.920
flew out of sight. Utter and
Holiday advanced slowly as terrible screams pierced the

718
01:05:05.000 --> 01:05:10.679
night air. The lanterns inside went
out, and the pair stopped as their

719
01:05:10.719 --> 01:05:15.920
eyes adjusted to the gloom. Holiday
was the first to separate black from black

720
01:05:15.199 --> 01:05:19.840
and see a gaunt cloaked figure racing
towards him. His colt lightning spat fire,

721
01:05:20.000 --> 01:05:24.760
but the figure kept coming, and
suddenly the figure was on him,

722
01:05:24.800 --> 01:05:29.840
and Holiday saw the flash of white
pointed teeth. Utter tried to draw a

723
01:05:29.880 --> 01:05:33.880
bead without killing the legendary gun hand. A gurgling yell came from Holliday's lips,

724
01:05:34.119 --> 01:05:39.440
and the unmistakable sound of feeding from
the other figure. Just as Utter

725
01:05:39.519 --> 01:05:43.960
thought he should take his shot and
damn the outcome, the pale, black

726
01:05:44.000 --> 01:05:51.320
suited being seemed to rise from the
ground. Gasping. Unclean augh came the

727
01:05:51.400 --> 01:05:57.599
choked voice. Doc Holliday gave a
weak laugh. That is one soberquet that

728
01:05:57.639 --> 01:06:01.199
has never been attached to my name. The creature wiped Holiday's blood from his

729
01:06:01.280 --> 01:06:06.719
mouth, coughing. Ignoring his former
prey, Holiday reached for his fallen silver

730
01:06:06.800 --> 01:06:12.440
tipped walking stick and grasped it by
its head. He yanked and the head

731
01:06:12.519 --> 01:06:16.119
came free, pulling a long rapier
blade with it. The whisper of steel

732
01:06:16.280 --> 01:06:20.119
drew the flat eyed gaze of the
pale faced figure, and as he turned

733
01:06:20.159 --> 01:06:25.360
back to Holiday, the fallen gunman
rose and ran the length of the blade

734
01:06:25.400 --> 01:06:30.920
through the creature's stomach and out the
other side for Pearl, said Holiday.

735
01:06:30.760 --> 01:06:35.320
Utters swallowed his gorge and emptied his
peace maker into the impaled figure. Under

736
01:06:35.320 --> 01:06:40.440
the spray of bullets. Utter watched
in wonder as the creature backed itself off

737
01:06:40.480 --> 01:06:45.880
of Holiday's hidden blade. Utter's peacemaker
clicked on an empty chamber, so he

738
01:06:45.960 --> 01:06:49.079
reached into his belt and pulled out
a smith and Wesson forty four Russian and

739
01:06:49.199 --> 01:06:55.440
pointed. But the figure moved through
the shadows with inhuman speed and smacked the

740
01:06:55.480 --> 01:06:59.760
revolver out of his hand. The
force bent Utter's arm back so quickly and

741
01:06:59.840 --> 01:07:02.760
with so much force, Utter felt
something break in his wrist and his elbow

742
01:07:03.000 --> 01:07:08.719
and saw his vision dim. Utter
fell to his knees, and there was

743
01:07:08.800 --> 01:07:13.159
blackness everywhere, dark sky, darkness. At the corner of his vision,

744
01:07:13.760 --> 01:07:16.760
a figure in a dark cloak in
front of him. The only light the

745
01:07:16.800 --> 01:07:23.280
red of the eyes and the white
of the teeth. With his good hand,

746
01:07:23.480 --> 01:07:26.840
he reached for the barlow knife in
his boot and hoped it would be

747
01:07:26.960 --> 01:07:32.920
enough mehow loud duran, Utter dragged
his spinning head around and saw the massive

748
01:07:33.000 --> 01:07:39.039
figure of Yen the blacksmith, holding
a huge metal tipped weapon. Flames from

749
01:07:39.079 --> 01:07:43.119
the blacksmith forge were still flickering in
the window. Behind him. At his

750
01:07:43.280 --> 01:07:48.079
side was Calamity Jane, thumbs hitched
in her belt, now the penetrating gaze

751
01:07:48.119 --> 01:07:53.800
of the creature fixed on the determined
man in front of him. You are

752
01:07:54.000 --> 01:08:00.840
far from home, Blacksmith, as
are you. I only go where I'm

753
01:08:00.920 --> 01:08:06.119
invited. A man named Quincy Morris
offered me a ranch in Texas in exchange

754
01:08:06.119 --> 01:08:12.960
for the life of a woman named
Lucy. Did you keep your bargain creature?

755
01:08:13.960 --> 01:08:19.680
Dah, she has eternal life enough, Parley, shouted Calamity Jane and

756
01:08:19.800 --> 01:08:25.279
spun her wells Fargo coach gun around
from her back, loosing buckshot at the

757
01:08:25.319 --> 01:08:30.399
pale, grinning face. In the
next moment, a giant flapping bat was

758
01:08:30.439 --> 01:08:35.239
in its place and taking wing.
Yen stepped forward with the moon tooth spade

759
01:08:35.520 --> 01:08:41.800
and swung the crescent shaped end at
the bat. He severed off a chunk

760
01:08:41.840 --> 01:08:45.560
of wing, and the creature spun
in the air and fell. When Jane

761
01:08:45.600 --> 01:08:50.720
next looked, the black suited figure
was lying there, but its pale,

762
01:08:50.880 --> 01:08:58.039
long nailed hand was crawling away under
its own power. Calamity Jane pulled her

763
01:08:58.039 --> 01:09:02.119
twin schofield forty five calibers and fired, and the white claw danced in the

764
01:09:02.159 --> 01:09:09.159
dirt until it was shreds. The
gasping creature was up on its elbows and

765
01:09:09.199 --> 01:09:15.359
knees and fixing red eyes on Calamity
Jane. When I tire of you,

766
01:09:15.359 --> 01:09:21.520
you will give both your hands to
me willingly and more. The sound of

767
01:09:21.560 --> 01:09:27.560
the whispering voice chilled utter worse than
the pains in his arm. I reckon,

768
01:09:27.640 --> 01:09:31.000
I am already plumb tied to you, Calamity Jane answered, and reached

769
01:09:31.000 --> 01:09:34.960
for the silver plated Colt Navy revolver
that had belonged to wild Bill, the

770
01:09:34.960 --> 01:09:40.199
one he had told her in the
dream had to be used, if that

771
01:09:40.399 --> 01:09:45.039
was indeed a dream. As the
creature raised its arms and seemed to grow

772
01:09:45.159 --> 01:09:49.319
larger in the shadows in the street, Calamity Jane scrunched one eye shut and

773
01:09:49.439 --> 01:09:55.319
shot out both of the dead thing's
red ones. The creatures scream shattered the

774
01:09:55.359 --> 01:09:59.880
windows of the Belly Union and several
other windows on the street. The creature

775
01:10:00.319 --> 01:10:03.920
was back on its knees, its
one clawed hand reaching out and clasping at

776
01:10:03.920 --> 01:10:10.199
the air, seeking as the sound
of the unearthly scream died away, and

777
01:10:10.399 --> 01:10:16.880
answering Winnie was heard. And then
there rose another black shadow, and it

778
01:10:17.079 --> 01:10:25.680
was the big scarred Appaloosa, charging
down the main strip. The Appaloosa stopped,

779
01:10:25.680 --> 01:10:29.359
suddenly, reared up, and brought
its hoofs down on the chest of

780
01:10:29.399 --> 01:10:33.399
the flailing monster. The creature landed
flat on its back. There was a

781
01:10:33.399 --> 01:10:39.279
crunch like old kindling, and then
the terrible smell of an open grave,

782
01:10:40.119 --> 01:10:45.840
and Yen took that moment to stride
forward and swing the moontooth spade once more

783
01:10:45.880 --> 01:10:50.520
with his considerable might. The pinned
creature's head flew from its shoulders and bounced

784
01:10:50.560 --> 01:10:57.800
into the road. It rolled right
up to Charlie Utter himself, lying prone,

785
01:10:58.319 --> 01:11:02.359
and he saw the white fangs still
gnashing. In the next moment,

786
01:11:02.439 --> 01:11:08.239
Calamity Jane stepped up, put one
boot foot on the thing's temple and stuck

787
01:11:08.319 --> 01:11:13.039
her navy colt in its mouth,
and after the resulting shot, there wasn't

788
01:11:13.119 --> 01:11:16.920
enough to rub out with the sole
of her boot. Then Colorado Charlie Utter

789
01:11:17.520 --> 01:11:26.079
closed his eyes. For many days
after the Undertaker was busier than the dock.

790
01:11:26.880 --> 01:11:30.720
Utter new things were returning to normal. Some weeks later, when he

791
01:11:30.800 --> 01:11:35.239
was back on his old town horse
plover and seeking calamity Jane at the Mount

792
01:11:35.239 --> 01:11:41.279
Mariah Cemetery. Two things had changed
with Utter. He had his arm in

793
01:11:41.319 --> 01:11:45.600
a sling and a star on his
chest. Jane showed greater concern for the

794
01:11:45.640 --> 01:11:50.520
badge. She squinted up at him
from wild Bill's graveside, where she sat

795
01:11:50.680 --> 01:11:54.920
with an empty bottle. How are
you going to keep the peace with one

796
01:11:54.960 --> 01:12:00.800
wing? She asked. Utter shrugged. It's peaceful enough for now, and

797
01:12:00.840 --> 01:12:03.880
there ain't many alive that wants the
job. E B. Farnham talked me

798
01:12:03.920 --> 01:12:10.560
into it. I heard Wyatt Earp
rode into town. Utter nodded. He

799
01:12:10.640 --> 01:12:15.000
did, but it was only to
fetch doc. That's good. We don't

800
01:12:15.039 --> 01:12:20.640
need the irp's asking too many questions. Utter looked at her narrowly. We're

801
01:12:20.680 --> 01:12:28.319
telling everybody we had the smallpox run
through well that there will discourage visitors.

802
01:12:29.560 --> 01:12:32.000
Where's that evil hoss? You ride
around on everybody? But it? And

803
01:12:32.119 --> 01:12:36.039
you are accounted for these days,
even that old mud of Tom Miller's what

804
01:12:36.079 --> 01:12:43.279
at Fred Webb's three fingers slunk back
in calamity, Jane jestered vaguely. He's

805
01:12:43.359 --> 01:12:47.880
never far. That's what scares me. Utter studied Jane. Why don't you

806
01:12:47.920 --> 01:12:51.199
fetch up on old plover here and
I'll give you a lope back into town.

807
01:12:53.319 --> 01:12:58.880
To Utter's modest surprise, Calamity Jane
nodded her head and stood. She

808
01:12:59.000 --> 01:13:02.640
took a long look. Don't reckon, I'm coming out here much after this,

809
01:13:03.720 --> 01:13:10.039
Calamity Jane said aloud. Utter just
watched her. She looked him full

810
01:13:10.039 --> 01:13:14.359
in the face. I spent a
lot of time since Bill died looking for

811
01:13:14.479 --> 01:13:18.960
and talking to haints. I weren't
in the flesh and blood world, but

812
01:13:19.039 --> 01:13:25.000
I weren't with the dead as I
wished for. I've done learned you don't

813
01:13:25.000 --> 01:13:30.079
want to live between the living and
the dead. Utter just nodded and stuck

814
01:13:30.079 --> 01:13:34.600
his hand out, and Calamity Jane
climbed up on Utter's old town horse,

815
01:13:35.159 --> 01:13:44.960
and the animal turned back towards Deadwood. Why at Irp noticed Doc wasn't getting

816
01:13:44.960 --> 01:13:48.920
any better. He seemed sicker and
weaker, and then broke out and blisters.

817
01:13:49.399 --> 01:13:53.960
So Irp decided they should travel at
night to keep his old part out

818
01:13:53.960 --> 01:13:58.600
of the sun. They weren't long
out of Tombstone, but Holiday said he

819
01:13:58.680 --> 01:14:02.319
needed a rest, so Irp went
ahead and built a little fire before dawn.

820
01:14:03.359 --> 01:14:08.479
Holiday looked across at Earp, and
it seemed to the lawman that Doc's

821
01:14:08.520 --> 01:14:15.600
eyes glittered red in the fire.
Irp offered Holiday coffee, but he frowned

822
01:14:16.079 --> 01:14:21.760
and shook his head. There's a
thirst upon me, but that is not

823
01:14:21.920 --> 01:14:28.800
it. I'm fresh out of hooch
until we hit town. Doc, Holiday

824
01:14:28.920 --> 01:14:33.520
mused into the fire. I spent
so much time close to the end of

825
01:14:33.560 --> 01:14:41.520
this mortal coil. I wondered why
I waited there so long. Irp set

826
01:14:41.560 --> 01:14:46.039
his battered tin cup down. You
okay, Doc, It looked to Irp

827
01:14:46.199 --> 01:14:53.600
like Holiday suddenly was not so much
resting as coiled there. I am indeed

828
01:14:54.439 --> 01:15:36.039
a new person. Wyat and Tombstone
awaits the man that was used up A

829
01:15:36.159 --> 01:15:45.560
tale of the late Bugaboo and Kickaboo
campaign by Edgar Allan Poe Paris, Paris,

830
01:15:45.720 --> 01:15:51.560
Mahieu edvondez vous and uh la morete
de ma vie a miss laratel autombo

831
01:15:53.560 --> 01:16:00.000
Cornier. I cannot just now remember
when or where I first made the acquaintance

832
01:16:00.439 --> 01:16:06.520
of that truly fine looking fellow Revett
Brigadier General John A. B. C.

833
01:16:06.920 --> 01:16:13.119
Smith. Someone did introduce me to
the gentleman. I am sure,

834
01:16:13.159 --> 01:16:18.399
at some public meeting I know very
well held about something of great importance,

835
01:16:18.600 --> 01:16:24.640
no doubt, at some place or
other I feel convinced whose name I have

836
01:16:24.760 --> 01:16:30.880
unaccountably forgotten. The truth is that
the introduction was attended upon my part with

837
01:16:30.960 --> 01:16:38.760
a degree of anxious embarrassment, which
operated to prevent any definite impressions of either

838
01:16:38.880 --> 01:16:45.720
time or space. I am constitutionally
nervous. This with me is a family

839
01:16:45.840 --> 01:16:53.079
failing, and I can't help it. In especial, the slightest appearance of

840
01:16:53.239 --> 01:16:59.840
mystery of any point I cannot exactly
comprehend puts me at once into a pit

841
01:17:00.800 --> 01:17:06.399
state of agitation. There was something, as it were, remarkable, Yes,

842
01:17:06.960 --> 01:17:13.079
remarkable, although this is but a
feeble term to express my full meaning

843
01:17:13.720 --> 01:17:19.399
about the entire individuality of the personage
in question. He was perhaps six feet

844
01:17:19.399 --> 01:17:27.039
in height, and of a presence
singularly commanding. There was an air distingue

845
01:17:27.560 --> 01:17:32.680
pervading the whole man, which spoke
of high breeding and hinted at high birth.

846
01:17:33.479 --> 01:17:39.279
Upon this topic, the topic of
Smith's personal appearance, I have a

847
01:17:39.399 --> 01:17:45.520
kind of melancholy satisfaction in being minute. His head of hair would have done

848
01:17:45.640 --> 01:17:51.479
honor to a brutus nothing could be
more richly flowing, or possess a brighter

849
01:17:51.560 --> 01:17:57.680
gloss. It was of a jetty
black, which was also the color,

850
01:17:57.960 --> 01:18:04.239
or more properly than no color,
of his unimaginable whiskers. You perceive I

851
01:18:04.319 --> 01:18:10.119
cannot speak of these latter without enthusiasm. It is not too much to say

852
01:18:10.199 --> 01:18:15.840
that they were the handsomest pair of
whiskers under the sun. At all events,

853
01:18:15.560 --> 01:18:23.640
they encircled, and at times partially
overshadowed a mouth utterly unequaled. Here

854
01:18:23.760 --> 01:18:30.720
were the most entirely even and most
brilliantly white of all conceivable teeth. From

855
01:18:30.800 --> 01:18:35.319
between them, upon every proper occasion, issued a voice of surpassing clearness,

856
01:18:35.680 --> 01:18:42.720
melody, and strength. In the
matter of eyes, also, my acquaintance

857
01:18:42.880 --> 01:18:48.159
was pre eminently endowed. Either one
of such a pair was worth a couple

858
01:18:48.159 --> 01:18:55.520
of the ordinary ocular organs. They
were of a deep hazel, exceedingly large

859
01:18:56.199 --> 01:19:01.760
and lustrious, and there was perceptible
about them, ever and anon, just

860
01:19:01.840 --> 01:19:10.000
that amount of interesting obliquity which gives
pregnancy to expression. The bust of the

861
01:19:10.079 --> 01:19:15.000
General was unquestionably the finest bust I
ever saw. For your life could not

862
01:19:15.119 --> 01:19:21.680
have found a fault with its wonderful
proportion. This rare peculiarity set off to

863
01:19:21.760 --> 01:19:28.039
great advantage a pair of shoulders which
would have called up a blush of conscious

864
01:19:28.039 --> 01:19:34.000
inferiority into the countenance of the marble
Apollo. I have a passion for fine

865
01:19:34.039 --> 01:19:41.439
shoulders, and may say that I
never beheld them in perfection before. The

866
01:19:41.680 --> 01:19:48.119
arms altogether were admirably modeled, nor
the lower limbs less superb. These were,

867
01:19:48.279 --> 01:19:57.159
indeed the knee plus ultra of good
legs. Every connoisseur in such matters

868
01:19:57.199 --> 01:20:01.560
admitted the legs to be good.
There was neither too much flesh nor too

869
01:20:01.600 --> 01:20:09.079
little, neither rudeness nor fragility.
I could not imagine a more graceful curve

870
01:20:09.479 --> 01:20:15.920
than that of the osphemeris. And
there was just that due gentle prominence in

871
01:20:15.000 --> 01:20:20.600
the rear of the fibula, which
goes to the confirmation of a properly proportioned

872
01:20:20.680 --> 01:20:28.159
calf. I wished to God,
my young and talented friend Chipon Chippinaw the

873
01:20:28.239 --> 01:20:32.239
sculptor, had seen the legs of
Brevet Brigadier General John A. B.

874
01:20:32.399 --> 01:20:39.880
C. Smith. But although men
so absolutely fine looking, are neither as

875
01:20:39.960 --> 01:20:45.640
plenty as reasons or blackberries. Still
I could not bring myself to believe that

876
01:20:45.720 --> 01:20:50.640
the remarkable something to which I alluded
just now, that the odd air of

877
01:20:50.720 --> 01:20:57.640
Jenese croix which hung about my new
acquaintance, lay all together, or indeed

878
01:20:58.239 --> 01:21:04.399
at all, in the supreme excellence
of his bodily endowments. Perhaps it might

879
01:21:04.479 --> 01:21:09.920
be traced to the manner. Yet
here again I could not pretend to be

880
01:21:09.960 --> 01:21:15.159
positive. There was a primness,
not to say stiffness in his carriage,

881
01:21:15.319 --> 01:21:21.600
a degree of measured and if I
may so express it, of rectangular precision

882
01:21:21.760 --> 01:21:29.199
attending his every movement, which observed
in a more diminutive figure, would have

883
01:21:29.239 --> 01:21:35.600
had the least little savor in the
world of affectation, pomposity or constraint,

884
01:21:36.079 --> 01:21:42.520
but which noticed in a gentleman of
his undoubted dimensions, was readily placed to

885
01:21:42.560 --> 01:21:49.520
the account of reserve hatour of a
commendable sense, in short of what is

886
01:21:49.640 --> 01:21:57.560
due to the dignity of colossal proportion. The kind of friend who presented me

887
01:21:57.680 --> 01:22:02.359
to General Smith whispered in my ear
some few words of comment upon the man.

888
01:22:02.960 --> 01:22:08.760
He was a remarkable man, a
very remarkable man, indeed one of

889
01:22:08.760 --> 01:22:14.880
the most remarkable men of the age. He was an especial favorite, too,

890
01:22:14.920 --> 01:22:21.039
with the ladies, chiefly on account
of his high reputation for courage.

891
01:22:21.279 --> 01:22:26.840
In that point, he is unrivaled. Indeed, he is a perfect desperado,

892
01:22:27.199 --> 01:22:32.039
a downright fire reader, and no
mistake, said my friend here,

893
01:22:32.119 --> 01:22:39.359
dropping his voice excessively low and thrilling
me with the mystery of his tone,

894
01:22:39.760 --> 01:22:44.600
A downright fire eater, and no
mistake showed that, I should say,

895
01:22:44.880 --> 01:22:49.199
to some purpose in the late tremendous
swamp fight away down south with the bugaboo

896
01:22:49.279 --> 01:22:57.279
and kickaboo indians. Here my friend
opened his eyes to some extent, bless

897
01:22:57.319 --> 01:23:01.880
my soul, blood and thunder and
all that prodigies of valor heard of him.

898
01:23:01.880 --> 01:23:06.199
Of course, you know he's the
man, man alive. How do

899
01:23:06.279 --> 01:23:12.239
you do? Why? How are
ye very glad to see ye? Indeed,

900
01:23:13.039 --> 01:23:17.560
here interrupted the General himself, seizing
my companion by the hand as he

901
01:23:17.680 --> 01:23:25.399
drew near, and bowing stiffly but
profoundly as I was presented. I then

902
01:23:25.600 --> 01:23:30.119
thought, and I think so still, that I never heard a clearer nor

903
01:23:30.159 --> 01:23:35.319
a stronger voice, nor beheld a
finer set of teeth. But I must

904
01:23:35.359 --> 01:23:41.439
say that I was sorry for the
interruption just at that moment, as owing

905
01:23:41.479 --> 01:23:46.319
to the whispers and insinuations. Aforesaid, my interest had been greatly excited in

906
01:23:46.399 --> 01:23:55.279
the hero of the Bugaboo and Kickaboo
campaign. However, the delightfully luminous conversation

907
01:23:55.880 --> 01:24:00.960
of Brevet Brigadier General John A.
B. C. Smith soon completely dissipated

908
01:24:01.000 --> 01:24:06.760
this chagrin. My friend leaving us
immediately, we had quite a long tete

909
01:24:06.800 --> 01:24:13.920
a tete, and I was not
only pleased, but really instructed. I

910
01:24:13.960 --> 01:24:18.960
never heard a more fluent talker or
a man of greater general information. With

911
01:24:19.119 --> 01:24:25.520
becoming modesty, he forebore, nevertheless
to touch upon the theme I had just

912
01:24:25.640 --> 01:24:31.319
then most at heart, I mean, the mysterious circumstances attending the Bugaboo War,

913
01:24:32.079 --> 01:24:36.439
and on my own part, what
I conceive to be a proper sense

914
01:24:36.520 --> 01:24:44.880
of delicacy forbade me to broach the
subject, although in truth I was exceedingly

915
01:24:44.960 --> 01:24:51.439
tempted to do so. I perceived
too that the gallant soldier preferred topics of

916
01:24:51.920 --> 01:24:59.720
philosophical interest, and that he delighted, especially in commenting upon the rapid march

917
01:25:00.239 --> 01:25:05.920
of mechanical invention, indeed lead him
where I would. This was a point

918
01:25:05.960 --> 01:25:13.399
to which he invariably came back.
There's nothing at all like it, He

919
01:25:13.439 --> 01:25:17.199
would say, We are a wonderful
people, and live in a wonderful age.

920
01:25:17.439 --> 01:25:24.760
Parachutes and railroads, man traps and
spring guns. Our steamboats are upon

921
01:25:24.880 --> 01:25:30.079
every sea, and the Nassau Balloon
Packet is about to run regular trips fair

922
01:25:30.199 --> 01:25:34.840
either way, only twenty pounds sterling
between London and Timbuctoo. And who shall

923
01:25:34.840 --> 01:25:42.479
calculate the immense influence upon social life, upon arts, upon commerce, upon

924
01:25:42.600 --> 01:25:47.960
literature, which will be the immediate
result of the great principles of electromagnetics.

925
01:25:48.880 --> 01:25:54.239
Nor is this all? Let me
assure you there is really no end to

926
01:25:54.279 --> 01:25:59.279
the march of invention, the most
wonderful, the most ingenious. And let

927
01:25:59.319 --> 01:26:01.680
me add, mister, mister Thompson, I believe is your name. Let

928
01:26:01.720 --> 01:26:06.760
me add I say, the most
useful, the most truly useful. Mechanical

929
01:26:06.840 --> 01:26:13.800
contrivances are daily springing up like mushrooms, if I may so express myself,

930
01:26:13.880 --> 01:26:18.880
or more figuratively, like a grasshoppers, like grasshoppers, mister Thompson, about

931
01:26:18.960 --> 01:26:26.479
us and around us. Thompson,
to be sure, is not my name,

932
01:26:26.880 --> 01:26:30.079
But it is needless to say that
I left General Smith with a heightened

933
01:26:30.079 --> 01:26:36.159
interest in the man with an exalted
opinion of his conversational powers and a deep

934
01:26:36.239 --> 01:26:43.680
sense of the valuable privileges we enjoy
in living in this age of mechanical invention.

935
01:26:44.840 --> 01:26:50.039
My curiosity, however, had not
been altogether satisfied, and I resolved

936
01:26:50.199 --> 01:26:58.279
to prosecute immediate inquiry among my acquaintances, touching the Brevet Brigadier General himself,

937
01:26:58.800 --> 01:27:05.640
and particularly respecting the tremendous events quorum
par magna fuit during the Bugaboo and kick

938
01:27:05.640 --> 01:27:14.960
Aboo campaign. The first opportunity which
presented opportunity, which presented itself, and

939
01:27:15.039 --> 01:27:20.319
which horresco referens I did not in
the least scruple to seize, occurred at

940
01:27:20.359 --> 01:27:27.079
the church of the Reverend Doctor Drummunump, where I found myself established one Sunday,

941
01:27:27.920 --> 01:27:30.920
just at sermon time, not only
in the pew, but by the

942
01:27:31.039 --> 01:27:36.760
side of that worthy and communicative little
friend of mine, Miss Tabitha T.

943
01:27:38.439 --> 01:27:45.359
Thus seated, I congratulated myself and
with much reason, upon the very flattering

944
01:27:45.399 --> 01:27:49.640
state of affairs. If any person
knew anything about Brevet Brigadier General John A.

945
01:27:49.880 --> 01:27:54.239
B. C. Smith, that
person, it was clear to me,

946
01:27:55.039 --> 01:28:00.359
was Miss Tabitha T. We telegraphed
a few signals and then commenced soto

947
01:28:00.439 --> 01:28:06.600
voce A brisk tete, a tete
Smith said she in reply to my very

948
01:28:06.680 --> 01:28:13.399
earnest inquiry, Smith, why not
General John ABC? Bless me? I

949
01:28:13.439 --> 01:28:18.279
thought you knew all about him?
This is a wonderfully inventive age horrid affair

950
01:28:18.439 --> 01:28:26.199
that a bloody set of wretches,
those kickapoos fought like a hero prodigies of

951
01:28:26.319 --> 01:28:32.319
valor, immortal renown Smith, Brevet
Brigadier General John ABC, Why you know

952
01:28:32.560 --> 01:28:40.079
he's the man? Man here,
broke in doctor drummum ump at the top

953
01:28:40.119 --> 01:28:44.399
of his voice, and with a
thump that came near knocking the pulpit.

954
01:28:44.760 --> 01:28:48.439
About our ears, man that is
born of a woman hath but a short

955
01:28:48.479 --> 01:28:53.760
time to live, but he cometh
up and is cut down like a flower.

956
01:28:54.920 --> 01:28:59.560
I started to the extremity of the
pew, and perceived by the animated

957
01:28:59.600 --> 01:29:02.760
looks of the divine that the wrath, which had nearly proved fatal to the

958
01:29:02.800 --> 01:29:09.560
pulpit, had been excited by the
whispers of the lady and myself. There

959
01:29:09.720 --> 01:29:15.159
was no help for it, so
I submitted with a good grace and listened

960
01:29:15.840 --> 01:29:21.279
in all the martyrdom of dignified silence
to the balance of that very capital discourse.

961
01:29:23.079 --> 01:29:30.920
Don't go away weekly, Spooky will
be right back. Next evening found

962
01:29:30.960 --> 01:29:36.319
me a somewhat late visitor at the
Rantipole Theater, where I felt sure of

963
01:29:36.399 --> 01:29:44.239
satisfying my curiosity at once by merely
stepping into the box of those exquisite specimens

964
01:29:44.279 --> 01:29:51.840
of affability and omniscience, the missus
Arabella and Miranda Cognocenti, that fine tragedian

965
01:29:53.239 --> 01:29:59.119
climax was doing lago to a very
crowded house, and I experienced some little

966
01:29:59.159 --> 01:30:04.479
difficulty in making my wishes understood,
especially as our box was next to the

967
01:30:04.520 --> 01:30:13.199
slips and completely overlooked the stage.
Smith, said Miss Arabella, as she

968
01:30:13.359 --> 01:30:19.760
at comprehended the purport of my query. Smith, why not General John A.

969
01:30:19.920 --> 01:30:27.159
B. C. Smith, inquired
Miranda, musingly, God bless me,

970
01:30:27.399 --> 01:30:31.000
did you ever behold a finer figure? Never, Madam, but do

971
01:30:31.239 --> 01:30:38.039
tell me, or so imitable grace? Never upon my word, but pray

972
01:30:38.119 --> 01:30:43.840
inform me, or so just an
appreciation of stage effect, Madam, or

973
01:30:43.920 --> 01:30:48.239
a more delicate sense of the true
beauties of Shakespeare. Be so good as

974
01:30:48.239 --> 01:30:54.840
to look at that leg the devil. And I turned again to her sister

975
01:30:55.600 --> 01:30:59.560
Smith, She said, why not
General John A. B. C.

976
01:31:00.439 --> 01:31:04.800
Horrid affair, that wasn't it?
Great wretches, those bugaboo savage and so

977
01:31:04.960 --> 01:31:10.199
on. But we live in a
wonderfully inventive age. Smith. Oh,

978
01:31:10.279 --> 01:31:15.399
yes, great man, perfect desperado, immortal renown, prodigies of valor never

979
01:31:15.560 --> 01:31:21.520
heard. This was given in a
scream. Bless my soul. Why he's

980
01:31:21.560 --> 01:31:29.920
the man Mandragora. Nor all the
drowsy syrups of the world shall ever medicine

981
01:31:29.960 --> 01:31:36.840
thee to that sweet sleep which thou
oust yesterday. Here roared our climax,

982
01:31:38.079 --> 01:31:42.000
just in my ear, and shaking
his fist in my face all the time,

983
01:31:42.279 --> 01:31:46.079
in a way that I couldn't stand, and I wouldn't. I left

984
01:31:46.079 --> 01:31:54.600
the misses COGNOCENTI immediately went behind the
scenes forthwith and gave the beggarly scoundrel such

985
01:31:54.640 --> 01:31:59.039
a thrashing as I trust he will
remember till the day of his death.

986
01:32:00.159 --> 01:32:03.680
At the soiree of the lovely widow
missus Kathleen O. Trump, I was

987
01:32:03.760 --> 01:32:09.840
confident that I should meet with no
similar disappointment. Accordingly, I was no

988
01:32:10.000 --> 01:32:14.800
sooner seated at the card table with
my pretty hostess for VZ A vis than

989
01:32:14.840 --> 01:32:19.560
I propounded those questions, the solution
of which had become a matter so essential

990
01:32:20.119 --> 01:32:27.279
to my peace. Smith, said
my partner, Why not General John A.

991
01:32:27.359 --> 01:32:30.119
B. C. Horrid affair?
That wasn't it, diamonds? Did

992
01:32:30.159 --> 01:32:34.800
you say, terrible wretches? Those
kickapoos? We are playing whist if you

993
01:32:34.880 --> 01:32:40.840
please, mister tattle. However,
this is the age of invention, most

994
01:32:40.880 --> 01:32:45.560
certainly the age, one may say, the age par excellence. Speak French.

995
01:32:45.880 --> 01:32:49.039
Oh, quite a hero, perfect
desperado, no hearts, mister taddle.

996
01:32:49.600 --> 01:32:55.800
I don't believe it. Immortal renown
and all that prodigies of valor never

997
01:32:55.880 --> 01:33:00.800
heard. Why bless me? He's
the man Man, Captain Man here,

998
01:33:00.920 --> 01:33:06.800
screamed some little feminine interloper from the
farthest corner of the room. Are you

999
01:33:06.920 --> 01:33:12.800
talking about Captain Man and the duel? Oh? I must hear? Do

1000
01:33:13.000 --> 01:33:16.680
tell go on, missus o Trump
do now, go on and go on,

1001
01:33:16.920 --> 01:33:23.880
missus O Trump did all about a
certain Captain Mann who was either shot

1002
01:33:24.119 --> 01:33:28.479
or hung, or should have been
both shot and hung. Yes, missus

1003
01:33:28.479 --> 01:33:33.239
o'trump, she went on, and
I I went off. There was no

1004
01:33:33.359 --> 01:33:39.840
chance of hearing anything farther that evening. In regard to Brevett Brigadier General John

1005
01:33:39.960 --> 01:33:45.159
A. B C. Smith.
Still, I consoled myself with the reflection

1006
01:33:45.960 --> 01:33:50.079
that the tide of ill luck would
not run against me forever, and so

1007
01:33:50.199 --> 01:33:56.920
determined to make a bold push for
information at the rate of that bewitching little

1008
01:33:56.960 --> 01:34:04.560
angel, the graceful missus Pirouette,
Smith said, missus p as we twirled

1009
01:34:04.600 --> 01:34:11.000
about together in a past des Effyr
Smith, why not General John A.

1010
01:34:11.119 --> 01:34:15.720
B c. Dreadful business? That
of the bugaboos, wasn't it? Dreadful

1011
01:34:15.840 --> 01:34:20.439
creatures? Those Indians do? Turn
out your toes. I really am ashamed

1012
01:34:20.479 --> 01:34:25.560
of you, man of great courage, poor fellow, But this is a

1013
01:34:25.600 --> 01:34:30.960
wonderful age of invention. Oh dear
me, I'm out of breath. Quite

1014
01:34:30.960 --> 01:34:35.479
a desperado prodigies of valor never heard. Can't believe it. I shall have

1015
01:34:35.520 --> 01:34:41.600
to sit down and enlighten you.
Smith. Why he's the man, Manfred?

1016
01:34:41.640 --> 01:34:45.239
I tell you here, bawled out
Miss Boss Blue, as I led

1017
01:34:45.279 --> 01:34:51.279
missus Pirouette to a seat. Did
ever anybody hear the like it's Manfred,

1018
01:34:51.359 --> 01:34:57.119
I say, and not at all
by any means? Man Friday here,

1019
01:34:57.279 --> 01:35:01.920
Miss Boss Blue beckoned to me in
a very peremptory manner, and I was

1020
01:35:01.960 --> 01:35:08.319
obliged, will I kneel I to
leave Missus p for the purpose of deciding

1021
01:35:08.319 --> 01:35:14.199
a dispute touching the title of a
certain poetical drama of Lord Byron's. Although

1022
01:35:14.239 --> 01:35:19.000
I pronounced with great promptness that the
true title was Man Friday, and not

1023
01:35:19.119 --> 01:35:25.239
by any means Manfred. Yet when
I returned to seek Missus Pirouette, she

1024
01:35:25.399 --> 01:35:29.880
was not to be discovered. And
I made my retreat from the house in

1025
01:35:30.000 --> 01:35:35.159
a very bitter spirit of animosity against
the whole race of the boss blues.

1026
01:35:36.680 --> 01:35:43.439
Matters had now assumed a really serious
aspect, and I resolved to call at

1027
01:35:43.520 --> 01:35:48.720
once upon my particular friend, mister
Theodore Cinevte, for I knew that here

1028
01:35:48.840 --> 01:35:56.560
at least I should get something like
definite information. Smith, said he,

1029
01:35:57.199 --> 01:36:03.039
in his well known peculiar way of
drawling out his syllables. Smith, why

1030
01:36:03.439 --> 01:36:12.119
not General John abc savage affair that
with the kickapoos, wasn't it? Say?

1031
01:36:12.359 --> 01:36:18.640
Don't you think so perfect? Desperadaoh
great pity pon my honor, wonderfully

1032
01:36:18.680 --> 01:36:25.039
inventive age parodigies of valor. By
the bye, did you ever hear about

1033
01:36:25.079 --> 01:36:30.359
Captain Man Captain Man he did,
said I please to go on with your

1034
01:36:30.399 --> 01:36:36.680
story. Humph, oh, well
quite la mem choose, as we say

1035
01:36:36.720 --> 01:36:44.079
in France, Smith, Eh,
Brigadier General John ABC. I say here,

1036
01:36:44.199 --> 01:36:47.039
mister s thought proper to put his
finger to the side of his nose.

1037
01:36:47.720 --> 01:36:53.800
I say, you don't mean to
insinuate now, really and truly and

1038
01:36:53.960 --> 01:36:59.119
conscientiously that you don't know all about
that affair of Smith's as well as I

1039
01:36:59.239 --> 01:37:03.640
do, Eh, Smith John ABC. Why bless me, he's the man,

1040
01:37:04.479 --> 01:37:10.159
mister Cinevat, said I, imploringly. Is he the man in the

1041
01:37:10.199 --> 01:37:16.199
mask? No, said he,
looking wise, nor the man in the

1042
01:37:16.239 --> 01:37:24.880
moon. This reply I considered a
pointed and positive insult, and so left

1043
01:37:24.920 --> 01:37:29.920
the house at once in high Dujon
with a firm resolve to call my friend

1044
01:37:30.239 --> 01:37:36.880
mister Cinevate to a speedy account for
his ungentlemanly conduct and ill breeding. In

1045
01:37:36.960 --> 01:37:43.439
the meantime, however, I had
no notion of being thwarted touching the information

1046
01:37:43.640 --> 01:37:48.640
I desired. There was one resource
left me yet I would go to the

1047
01:37:48.720 --> 01:37:56.079
fountain head. I would call forthwith
upon the General himself and demand in explicit

1048
01:37:56.279 --> 01:38:03.039
terms a solution of this abominable peace
of mystery. Here at least there should

1049
01:38:03.079 --> 01:38:11.159
be no chance for equivocation. I
would be plain, positive peremptory, as

1050
01:38:11.199 --> 01:38:17.760
short as pie crust, as concise
as Tacitus or Montesquieu. It was early

1051
01:38:17.800 --> 01:38:23.680
when I called, and the General
was dressing, but I pleaded urgent business,

1052
01:38:23.960 --> 01:38:27.640
and was shown at once into his
bedroom by an old negro valet,

1053
01:38:28.159 --> 01:38:32.199
who remained in attendance during my visit. As I entered the chamber, I

1054
01:38:32.279 --> 01:38:38.399
looked about, of course for the
occupant, but did not immediately perceive him.

1055
01:38:39.479 --> 01:38:44.319
There was a large and exceedingly odd
looking bundle of something which lay close

1056
01:38:44.359 --> 01:38:47.079
by my feet on the floor,
and as I was not in the best

1057
01:38:47.159 --> 01:38:50.600
humor in the world, I gave
it a kick out of the way.

1058
01:38:51.319 --> 01:38:58.479
Hem ahem, rather civil that I
should say, said the bundle in one

1059
01:38:58.520 --> 01:39:03.680
of the smallest and altogether the funniest
little voices between a squeak and a whistle

1060
01:39:04.199 --> 01:39:10.800
that I ever heard in all the
days of my existence. Ahem, rather

1061
01:39:10.920 --> 01:39:15.920
civil that I should observe. I
fairly shouted with terror, and made off

1062
01:39:15.960 --> 01:39:20.159
at a tangent into the farthest extremity
of the room. God bless me,

1063
01:39:20.479 --> 01:39:26.800
my dear fellow. Here again whistled
the bundle? What what? What?

1064
01:39:27.119 --> 01:39:30.640
Why? What is the matter?
I really believe you don't know me at

1065
01:39:30.680 --> 01:39:36.520
all? What could I say to
all this? What could I? I

1066
01:39:36.680 --> 01:39:44.079
staggered into an armchair, and with
staring eyes and open mouth awaited the solution

1067
01:39:44.239 --> 01:39:49.800
of the wonder strange you shouldn't know
me though, isn't it? Presently re

1068
01:39:49.960 --> 01:39:58.760
squeaked the nondescript which I now perceive
was performing upon the floor some inexplicable evolution

1069
01:40:00.159 --> 01:40:05.199
very analogous to the drawing on of
a stocking. There was only a single

1070
01:40:05.279 --> 01:40:12.039
leg, however apparent strange you shouldn't
know me though, isn't it? Pompy?

1071
01:40:12.399 --> 01:40:16.399
Bring me that leg? Here?
Pompey handed the bundle of very capital

1072
01:40:16.479 --> 01:40:23.479
cork leg, already dressed, which
it screwed on in a trice, and

1073
01:40:23.520 --> 01:40:30.239
then it stood upright before my eyes
and a bloody action it was continued the

1074
01:40:30.279 --> 01:40:35.479
thing as if in soliloquy. But
then one mustn't fight with the bugaboos and

1075
01:40:35.600 --> 01:40:42.359
kickapoos and think of coming off with
a mere scratch. Pompy, I'll thank

1076
01:40:42.399 --> 01:40:47.079
you now for that arm. Thomas
turning to me, is decidedly the best

1077
01:40:47.079 --> 01:40:50.600
hand at a cork leg. But
if you should ever want an arm,

1078
01:40:50.680 --> 01:40:56.039
My dear fellow, you must really
let me recommend you to Bishop. Here

1079
01:40:56.159 --> 01:41:00.000
Pompy screwed on an arm. We
had rather hot work of it, that

1080
01:41:00.159 --> 01:41:06.279
you may say. Now you dog
slip on my shoulders and Bosom pettit makes

1081
01:41:06.319 --> 01:41:11.239
the best shoulders. But for a
bosom you'll have to go to Dukrau.

1082
01:41:12.319 --> 01:41:16.039
Bosom said I, Pompy, will
you never be ready with that wig.

1083
01:41:16.560 --> 01:41:21.039
Scalping is a rough process after all, But then you can procure such a

1084
01:41:21.119 --> 01:41:28.560
capital scratch at de l'Orme's scratch.
Now, you nigger my teeth. For

1085
01:41:28.640 --> 01:41:31.600
a good set of these, you
had better go to Parmley's at once high

1086
01:41:31.640 --> 01:41:36.479
prices, but excellent work. I
swallowed some very capital articles, though,

1087
01:41:38.000 --> 01:41:41.720
and when the big bugaboo rammed me
down with the butt end of his rifle

1088
01:41:42.399 --> 01:41:46.880
butt end rammed down my eye.
Oh yes, by the way, my

1089
01:41:47.000 --> 01:41:51.520
eye here, Pompy, you scamp
screw it in. Those kickapoos are not

1090
01:41:51.600 --> 01:41:57.239
so very slow at a gouge.
But he's a blide man, that doctor

1091
01:41:57.239 --> 01:42:00.159
Williams. After all, you can't
imagine how well I see with the eyes

1092
01:42:00.199 --> 01:42:06.039
of his make. I now began
very clearly to perceive that the object before

1093
01:42:06.119 --> 01:42:15.479
me was nothing more nor less than
my new acquaintance, Revett Brigadier General John

1094
01:42:15.680 --> 01:42:19.520
A. B. C. Smith. The manipulations of Pompey had made,

1095
01:42:20.319 --> 01:42:26.720
I must confess a very striking difference
in the appearance of the personal man.

1096
01:42:27.920 --> 01:42:32.680
The voice, however, still puzzled
me no little. But even this apparent

1097
01:42:32.800 --> 01:42:39.880
mystery was speedily cleared up. Pompey, you black rascal, squeaked the General.

1098
01:42:40.319 --> 01:42:43.319
I really do believe you would let
me go out without my palate.

1099
01:42:45.319 --> 01:42:49.079
Hereupon the negro, grumbling out an
apology, went up to his master,

1100
01:42:49.439 --> 01:42:55.039
opened his mouth with the knowing air
of a horse jockey, and adjusted therein

1101
01:42:55.119 --> 01:43:00.319
a somewhat singular looking machine, in
a very dexterous manner that I could not

1102
01:43:00.520 --> 01:43:06.840
altogether comprehend. The alliteration, however, in the entire expression of the General's

1103
01:43:06.840 --> 01:43:14.640
countenance was instantaneous and surprising. Then
he again spoke. His voice had resumed

1104
01:43:14.680 --> 01:43:18.279
all that rich melody and strength which
I had noticed upon our original introduction.

1105
01:43:19.359 --> 01:43:26.239
Then the vagabonds, said he,
in so clear a tone that I positively

1106
01:43:26.319 --> 01:43:30.199
started at the change. Then the
vagabonds, they not only knocked in the

1107
01:43:30.279 --> 01:43:34.279
roof of my mouth, but took
the trouble to cut off at least seven

1108
01:43:34.359 --> 01:43:40.000
eighths of my tongue. There isn't
Bonfante's equal, however, in America,

1109
01:43:40.479 --> 01:43:44.960
for really good articles of this description, I can recommend you to him with

1110
01:43:45.079 --> 01:43:50.159
confidence. Here the General bowed,
and assure you that I have the greatest

1111
01:43:50.199 --> 01:43:57.560
pleasure in doing so. I acknowledged
his kindness in my best manner, and

1112
01:43:57.600 --> 01:44:01.840
took leave of him at once with
a perfect understanding of the true state of

1113
01:44:01.880 --> 01:44:09.039
affairs, with a full comprehension of
the mystery which had troubled me so long.

1114
01:44:10.199 --> 01:44:16.319
It was evident it was a clear
case. Brevet Brigadier General John abc

1115
01:44:16.600 --> 01:44:38.680
Smith was the man, the man
that was used up Satan's shotgun by Daniel

1116
01:44:38.760 --> 01:44:45.840
Wilder. I had a revelation come
New Year's Eve of eighteen ninety nine.

1117
01:44:45.159 --> 01:44:50.319
Jesus ain't nothing I reckon. I
could resurrect myself like a right heavyweight champion

1118
01:44:50.840 --> 01:44:56.039
long as my boy's bones held out, that is, But admittedly I couldn't

1119
01:44:56.039 --> 01:44:59.800
hold a candle to that water to
rotgut routine, and I sure as fuck

1120
01:45:00.079 --> 01:45:02.680
couldn't walk on water. And they're
sure as shit, ain't any virgins in

1121
01:45:02.760 --> 01:45:08.079
my vicinity. I guess I truly
meant that coming back from the dead wasn't

1122
01:45:08.079 --> 01:45:13.520
any great shakes. What brought me
to that biddo revelation were the events of

1123
01:45:13.600 --> 01:45:18.199
nearly twelve years prior eighteen eighty seven. If you can cipher the night Gideon

1124
01:45:18.319 --> 01:45:25.680
Pharaoh's Nightmare Zodiac Death Gang came a
knocking. And that's exactly as those hocus

1125
01:45:25.720 --> 01:45:30.319
pocus braggarts build themselves too. Nightmare
Zodiac Death Gang should have spent more time

1126
01:45:30.359 --> 01:45:35.079
practicing with pistols than coming up with
candy ass gang titles. But I digress.

1127
01:45:35.680 --> 01:45:40.479
You see, I was a simple
man then, farming, maybe a

1128
01:45:40.520 --> 01:45:44.079
bit of trap and not to mention
interpreting for the local tribes and those they

1129
01:45:44.119 --> 01:45:46.000
caught in to trade with. It
wasn't the high life, but it was

1130
01:45:46.039 --> 01:45:51.000
good enough for me, Elizabeth and
our boy Lazarus. That name was a

1131
01:45:51.039 --> 01:45:56.119
bit of a on the nose serendipity
that the fates served up to us by

1132
01:45:56.199 --> 01:45:59.840
and the bye let me tell you
true, And I sure as hell was

1133
01:45:59.840 --> 01:46:04.439
amused. T weren't eighteen months after
our boy's birth that the sack headed sidewinder

1134
01:46:04.439 --> 01:46:11.680
Gideon and his posse arrived on our
doorstep and ended his life and his mama's.

1135
01:46:12.119 --> 01:46:15.520
But as was their folly, they
never checked if my heart had stopped,

1136
01:46:15.640 --> 01:46:17.800
And to be fair, I never
asked them why they were so sore

1137
01:46:17.840 --> 01:46:21.199
with me and mine. So yeah, mistakes were made all around on that

1138
01:46:21.319 --> 01:46:26.800
day. So once their devilish deeds
were done, they headed off into the

1139
01:46:26.840 --> 01:46:30.960
still night with inaria thought of the
hell they had borne that day. And

1140
01:46:31.079 --> 01:46:36.600
still my heart continued to beat like
a native drum, a doom dirge,

1141
01:46:36.640 --> 01:46:43.039
banging away to attract any midnight motherfucker
within six hundred and sixty six yards and

1142
01:46:43.159 --> 01:46:47.479
a track, it surely did.
The shaman entered what remained of our home,

1143
01:46:47.640 --> 01:46:51.399
casual as can be. The fully
bandaged man. He led on a

1144
01:46:51.479 --> 01:46:57.479
leash, followed, seemingly devoid of
thought as well as grace. He slinked

1145
01:46:57.479 --> 01:47:01.239
his way over to me like a
mongoose al and glide, the bones around

1146
01:47:01.239 --> 01:47:05.600
his waist clanking together like the gnashing
teeth of some desert devil risen from an

1147
01:47:05.640 --> 01:47:11.279
unholy hell, ready to feast.
As my eyes strained to focus, I

1148
01:47:11.319 --> 01:47:15.760
saw that bastard light, a fire
of green flame, a flame he used

1149
01:47:15.760 --> 01:47:18.479
to rend the prone form of my
boy to ashes and bone. In as

1150
01:47:18.560 --> 01:47:24.319
much time as it takes to tell, I admit the darkness took me then,

1151
01:47:24.680 --> 01:47:28.199
as I was a powerful sight weaker
in constitution than I am now,

1152
01:47:28.680 --> 01:47:32.399
though I have a dread vision of
that bandaged fellow placing a lipless mouth over

1153
01:47:32.479 --> 01:47:36.600
my own and blowing a dust that
wreaked a high hell of rot deep into

1154
01:47:36.600 --> 01:47:40.880
my lungs, that made them feel
as if they was filled with the fire

1155
01:47:40.960 --> 01:47:45.079
of old Scratch himself. I came
to walking along a trail deep in the

1156
01:47:45.119 --> 01:47:51.279
nearby Adirondacks, a foul scented wrapping
from the shaman's friend tied tightly around my

1157
01:47:51.359 --> 01:47:56.960
eyes. While you may get to
think and that would seriously impede my journey,

1158
01:47:57.039 --> 01:48:00.640
the exact opposite held true. I
could sense where I was going and

1159
01:48:00.840 --> 01:48:03.880
just where the first of those I
sought were hunkered down. So onward I

1160
01:48:04.000 --> 01:48:09.239
trecked my boy's bones rattling, and
the leather sack strapped to my left shoulder.

1161
01:48:09.960 --> 01:48:13.560
That same rattle let any man or
beast in my path know that I

1162
01:48:13.640 --> 01:48:16.399
surely was not to be fucked with. As I began my stride along Revenge's

1163
01:48:16.479 --> 01:48:20.720
rough road, I walked those wicked
woods until the sun fell low and the

1164
01:48:20.720 --> 01:48:25.880
sky was streaked in hues of lavender
and rose. And it was then I

1165
01:48:25.960 --> 01:48:30.600
came upon the cabin on New Year's
Eve, painted as it were in two

1166
01:48:30.720 --> 01:48:36.960
differing colors, sky blue and soft
pink, the abode of Gemini, two

1167
01:48:38.119 --> 01:48:42.560
doses of poison and one pill.
The smoke that poured from the chimney let

1168
01:48:42.640 --> 01:48:47.199
me know those that needed correcting were
home, sweet home. I didn't stand

1169
01:48:47.239 --> 01:48:51.720
on formality. The door exploded inward
from the impact of my left shit kicker,

1170
01:48:53.000 --> 01:48:57.079
splinters spreading out like buckshot, acting
as my calling card. It took

1171
01:48:57.119 --> 01:49:00.680
me a fraction of a second to
realize no one was visible in the room

1172
01:49:00.239 --> 01:49:05.359
magic eyewear or no. But I
could smell them just fine. Naturally,

1173
01:49:05.439 --> 01:49:10.479
they didn't surprise me none when they
exploded from the shadows of the cabin ceiling.

1174
01:49:11.000 --> 01:49:14.319
However, the fact that they could
move together like a great spider in

1175
01:49:14.359 --> 01:49:18.760
their conjoined state definitely raised an eyebrow. I unloaded my rifle with a thunderous

1176
01:49:18.840 --> 01:49:21.840
roar. The shot tore a nice
chunk of whatever the lady side of this

1177
01:49:21.880 --> 01:49:26.640
thing was called, But she wasn't
going down by a long shot. Before

1178
01:49:26.680 --> 01:49:29.760
I knew it. The male side
of the equation had maneuvered himself in such

1179
01:49:29.800 --> 01:49:31.520
a way that he both knocked me
to the ground and managed to wrap the

1180
01:49:31.560 --> 01:49:36.239
fleshy band that kept these two eternally
bound around my neck. That same bit

1181
01:49:36.279 --> 01:49:41.720
of flesh began flexing and throbbing until
I couldn't draw breath. The various veins

1182
01:49:41.720 --> 01:49:45.600
and sinew contained under that warm sleeve
pulsing like a bag of snakes. Things

1183
01:49:45.640 --> 01:49:50.319
began swirling and growing ever darker.
That's when I died for the first time.

1184
01:49:50.760 --> 01:49:56.560
The shaman appeared shortly thereafter, though
my enemies never noticed, although if

1185
01:49:56.600 --> 01:50:00.720
they did, I wager they'd have
been confused as all get out. See

1186
01:50:00.720 --> 01:50:04.319
that fella simply strolled in, leaned
low, and whispered in my ear.

1187
01:50:05.239 --> 01:50:09.960
He was a bone. I didn't
quite gather what he was on about,

1188
01:50:09.960 --> 01:50:13.720
but it seemed like a question I
should answer in the affirmative. He reached

1189
01:50:13.760 --> 01:50:15.920
into my rucksack, pulled out one
of the twelve bones of my boy that

1190
01:50:16.000 --> 01:50:19.880
clattered inside, and shoved that room
covered ivory femur right in my mouth.

1191
01:50:20.560 --> 01:50:26.079
It dissolved on contact with my tongue, and I was back in business.

1192
01:50:26.560 --> 01:50:30.680
I sat up puked and roared at
my killers, who had now sat down

1193
01:50:30.760 --> 01:50:33.960
to a nice warm meal after their
deed was done. What I did next

1194
01:50:34.000 --> 01:50:39.359
would become a bit of a legend. See, I grabbed the steak knife

1195
01:50:39.399 --> 01:50:42.840
out of the hand of the twin
closest to me, who honestly didn't even

1196
01:50:42.960 --> 01:50:46.560
resist, probably the shock of a
corpse interrupting his din din. Anyway,

1197
01:50:46.800 --> 01:50:50.680
I took that blade and commenced to
slice that ribbon that held them together like

1198
01:50:50.760 --> 01:50:56.680
a rabid wolf. But then I
had a pang of conscience. These two

1199
01:50:56.760 --> 01:51:00.439
had been together since day one,
so it would be a shame to take

1200
01:51:00.479 --> 01:51:05.039
that away from them. Fortunately I
learned to sew at a tender age.

1201
01:51:05.119 --> 01:51:10.560
I can only imagine the look on
Gideon's face when he saw one or two,

1202
01:51:10.880 --> 01:51:15.119
not sure how they counted themselves anyway, saw a member of his posse

1203
01:51:15.279 --> 01:51:18.920
fixed mouth to crotch of their opposite
number, like those yin yang symbols the

1204
01:51:19.000 --> 01:51:24.079
Chinese fellas out west were so fond
of. And imagine it would have to

1205
01:51:24.119 --> 01:51:27.720
be as Once my work was done, I sunk into the earth outside the

1206
01:51:27.720 --> 01:51:36.359
Gemini's doorstep, and there I slept
for a full year. And so it

1207
01:51:36.439 --> 01:51:41.000
went at the very end of each
and every year, I'd rise up and

1208
01:51:41.039 --> 01:51:45.840
put a murder on one of those
psychos Pisces hard to breathe with concrete in

1209
01:51:45.880 --> 01:51:50.319
your gills. Taurus, Let's just
say he wasn't just a bull from the

1210
01:51:50.319 --> 01:51:55.600
shoulders up. But that would be
his undoing when I rammed that tally whacker

1211
01:51:55.640 --> 01:52:01.199
straight down his throat. Aries Leo
Cancer Sagittariarius, Virgo Libra, Capricorn,

1212
01:52:01.199 --> 01:52:08.960
Aquarius dead dead dead dead dead dead
dead and double dead. Don't ask.

1213
01:52:09.960 --> 01:52:13.720
Year after year I fought, and
year after year I lost a little bit

1214
01:52:13.720 --> 01:52:23.359
more of my boy, peace by
peace. Finally I came to Scorpio.

1215
01:52:23.479 --> 01:52:27.439
And if you think the other menagerie
made for a one of a kind corpse

1216
01:52:27.479 --> 01:52:30.359
gallery, I can assure you all
that that final member of that gang,

1217
01:52:31.000 --> 01:52:34.479
minus their ring master. But I'll
get to his arcane ass in a tick.

1218
01:52:34.800 --> 01:52:39.600
See after the decade and change of
carnival exhibits I'd tussled with, I

1219
01:52:39.640 --> 01:52:43.279
wouldn't blame you none if you wagered
Scorpio would be some kind of insect man.

1220
01:52:43.399 --> 01:52:45.920
But it wasn't Hell. It wasn't
even a man, as you could

1221
01:52:45.920 --> 01:52:50.520
guess from the hiring of those darling
siblings, I jawed about earlier. Gideon

1222
01:52:50.560 --> 01:52:55.359
didn't give a single shit if those
that worked for him were men or women,

1223
01:52:55.720 --> 01:52:58.800
A real rarity as far as evil
posses went. In the late eighteen

1224
01:52:58.920 --> 01:53:02.840
hundreds, Half those motherfuckers would be
a right challenge to even classify as human.

1225
01:53:03.279 --> 01:53:08.199
When I sauntered up to that gypsy
wagon Lady Scorpio called home, I

1226
01:53:08.239 --> 01:53:11.319
could just tell I was in for
a hell of a time. The scent

1227
01:53:11.399 --> 01:53:15.079
of burning herbs filled the air,
and the roaring flame burning brightly beside the

1228
01:53:15.079 --> 01:53:19.760
gaudy wagon was doing a solid job
of roasting a large pheasant. I hunkered

1229
01:53:19.840 --> 01:53:24.720
down by the fire. It always
feels good to warm my hands after pointing

1230
01:53:24.760 --> 01:53:29.720
my boots toward the sky for twelve
months. The lavender and crimson curtains that

1231
01:53:29.800 --> 01:53:33.079
covered the entrance to the wagon parted, and she appeared, a raven haired

1232
01:53:33.119 --> 01:53:36.800
beauty with eyes as cruel and cold
then as a whole nest of vipers could

1233
01:53:36.840 --> 01:53:42.720
possess. I told Guineon doing your
wife and boy was a grave mistake.

1234
01:53:43.560 --> 01:53:46.439
Well, it's a mistake that will
surely put you in your grave, missy,

1235
01:53:47.119 --> 01:53:50.399
she laughed, and I had to
admit it. Was an unbelievably delicate

1236
01:53:50.479 --> 01:53:55.479
thing. If that is to be
my fate, there is little I can

1237
01:53:55.520 --> 01:54:00.479
do to change it. I spit
at her feet. Yep, won't you

1238
01:54:00.479 --> 01:54:03.439
come inside a moment. It's your
funeral. You can have it anyway you

1239
01:54:03.479 --> 01:54:09.760
want. I entered the wagon and
beheld the interior, which contained nothing save

1240
01:54:09.840 --> 01:54:14.159
for an opulent bed. I sat
down and waited for the show to start.

1241
01:54:15.000 --> 01:54:16.880
She slid into the bed beside me, pushed me down, and started

1242
01:54:16.920 --> 01:54:20.800
to rub up against me all feline
like. I grabbed her hair, tugged

1243
01:54:20.800 --> 01:54:25.079
it hard, and whispered the most
romantic thing I could think of into her

1244
01:54:25.119 --> 01:54:30.399
ear. This is for Lizabeth.
I drove the blade of the hunting knife

1245
01:54:30.399 --> 01:54:31.920
through the back of her head.
Before she could even realize I had pulled

1246
01:54:31.960 --> 01:54:35.840
it from my left boot. She
made that weird gargle, whistling, exhale

1247
01:54:35.880 --> 01:54:40.600
thing that you never really got used
to. Then the light and those big

1248
01:54:40.640 --> 01:54:46.399
brown eyes went dim. Should have
started with this one. I managed to

1249
01:54:46.439 --> 01:54:49.399
remove my knife from her skull and
kick her ass right out of the wagon

1250
01:54:49.439 --> 01:54:56.760
in a near seamless movement. I
heard her hit the ground and then splash

1251
01:54:57.199 --> 01:55:00.079
her skin flew through the curtains and
collided with the fall wall of the wagon

1252
01:55:00.239 --> 01:55:05.319
with a sickening sound akin to pig
innards being thrown at a whorehouse. Ah

1253
01:55:05.479 --> 01:55:10.600
here we go, I said,
as the giant scorpion clickety clacked through the

1254
01:55:10.760 --> 01:55:15.279
entryway. The odd thing about this
here scorpion is it had a great set

1255
01:55:15.319 --> 01:55:19.840
of breasts and a tail equipped with
a rather rainery looking cock where the poisonous

1256
01:55:19.840 --> 01:55:25.119
sting should have rested. I'm going
to fuck you one way or another.

1257
01:55:25.239 --> 01:55:30.680
Lover to be spat from a mouthful
of spearlike teeth and bad intentions. Get

1258
01:55:30.680 --> 01:55:33.279
in lines, sister. I drew
my iron and unloaded on that nightmare with

1259
01:55:33.319 --> 01:55:36.920
barrel of blazon. That damn tail
whipped at me again and again. His

1260
01:55:38.039 --> 01:55:41.880
scorpio's face looked like a vat of
prize winning chili, and to my horror,

1261
01:55:41.880 --> 01:55:45.439
the loads that appended shot were some
sort of vile acid. While the

1262
01:55:45.439 --> 01:55:49.600
walls of the wagon began to dissolve, the bitch stopped or buckin' well,

1263
01:55:49.680 --> 01:55:54.399
fuck me, silly, I didn't
die this go around. I wonder if

1264
01:55:54.439 --> 01:55:59.159
I'll still take a dirt nap yep, I said, as I folded into

1265
01:55:59.159 --> 01:56:05.439
the colder for the first time in
years, I dreamed. I saw my

1266
01:56:05.560 --> 01:56:12.439
family, the unspeakable terror life had
become the soul crushing scream into the abyss

1267
01:56:12.479 --> 01:56:15.079
I'd make year after year as I
was reborn, to put down one monster

1268
01:56:15.199 --> 01:56:19.800
after another. And I saw that
burlap headed bastard that had made this all

1269
01:56:19.920 --> 01:56:28.000
so. And I saw children,
unfamiliar children with their faces tinted a glowing

1270
01:56:28.079 --> 01:56:31.079
blue, the exact same hue of
which I had never seen the like of

1271
01:56:31.159 --> 01:56:39.439
before. Guess what day it is? That's right, the day I end

1272
01:56:39.520 --> 01:56:43.760
the life of that masked son of
a bitch and finally rest in peace.

1273
01:56:44.800 --> 01:56:50.159
That's the theory anyway. The morning
of New Year's Eve eighteen ninety nine,

1274
01:56:50.239 --> 01:56:55.159
I had that Jesus thought I mentioned
at the start of this yarn, and

1275
01:56:55.279 --> 01:57:00.800
I found myself wandering the streets of
old Manhattan Town, beastly banded in place.

1276
01:57:00.600 --> 01:57:05.239
Everything was cold, gray, until
I got that unholy vision that Gideon

1277
01:57:05.399 --> 01:57:11.359
was well and truly a man about
town, though he wore a false human

1278
01:57:11.439 --> 01:57:15.319
face over his rough mask. I
followed him around a pace, but he

1279
01:57:15.399 --> 01:57:19.600
seemed to make stops at random,
and although he made no indication that he

1280
01:57:19.640 --> 01:57:26.760
knew I was there, I knew
damn well he did. Finally he got

1281
01:57:26.760 --> 01:57:30.159
the drop on me after a rather
well executed disappearing act in the bowery.

1282
01:57:31.520 --> 01:57:36.640
Let's retire to my residence and talk
this through a dead man, he pard

1283
01:57:38.479 --> 01:57:47.640
yep, I answered. We entered
the luxurious townhouse Gideon called home. Please

1284
01:57:47.720 --> 01:57:54.640
relax, Gideon said, gesturing to
an array of sofas and chairs that festooned

1285
01:57:54.680 --> 01:57:58.800
his abode. I took a load
off on a nearby Persian rug. That

1286
01:57:58.920 --> 01:58:02.159
furniture was doubtles cursed and would spell
my doom if I dare put my ass

1287
01:58:02.239 --> 01:58:08.399
upon it. Are you a gambling
man, he asked? Not by nature,

1288
01:58:08.479 --> 01:58:12.119
no I am, And if I
had to play my hand, I

1289
01:58:12.119 --> 01:58:15.800
would wager. You want to know
why I chose you and your kin to

1290
01:58:15.840 --> 01:58:19.479
slaughter? The thought had crossed my
mind a time or two. If I'm

1291
01:58:19.520 --> 01:58:24.600
to be honest, I answered,
true, I had heard that if you

1292
01:58:24.680 --> 01:58:28.840
do someone a cosmic level injustice,
like a random killing, for instance,

1293
01:58:29.279 --> 01:58:32.880
then powerful magic is revealed to those
willing to travel a dark path. You

1294
01:58:33.000 --> 01:58:41.239
heard rightly, he gestured toward my
rucksack. The magic my son, your

1295
01:58:41.319 --> 01:58:45.880
son became the rarest of magics.
You should be kissing my feet for this

1296
01:58:45.960 --> 01:58:51.560
gift. I see it a tad
different, I wager you do. Nevertheless,

1297
01:58:51.600 --> 01:58:56.359
my theory was correct. Nevertheless,
you should have listened to your pet,

1298
01:58:56.399 --> 01:59:00.159
bug Scorpio. She was always the
most in tune of me. I

1299
01:59:00.239 --> 01:59:05.760
menagerie was is the operative word.
I care little that you killed any of

1300
01:59:05.800 --> 01:59:14.760
those sideshow attractions. You're all heart, No, I'm all business. How

1301
01:59:14.880 --> 01:59:19.319
So I queried, Let's say you
give me that last bone in your sack,

1302
01:59:19.680 --> 01:59:23.600
and I'd let you walk out of
here and live a long and happy

1303
01:59:23.640 --> 01:59:30.239
life. Let's say I do.
What does that give me? An eternity

1304
01:59:30.319 --> 01:59:34.680
without those I love, those you
took from me. True, but a

1305
01:59:34.760 --> 01:59:40.119
life is a life. I thought
on this a spell, and I had

1306
01:59:40.199 --> 01:59:45.000
me a revelation. Hold on,
you'll see fine, you want the bone?

1307
01:59:45.640 --> 01:59:49.840
Here it is. I removed my
son's skull from the sack and held

1308
01:59:49.880 --> 01:59:55.920
it up for that snake to see. Glorious, Please let me hold it.

1309
01:59:56.680 --> 02:00:00.079
The shaman spoke into my ear for
the last time. I nodded.

1310
02:00:00.920 --> 02:00:05.119
I tossed my boy's skull to Gideon, and as that bone grew ever closer,

1311
02:00:05.159 --> 02:00:09.840
I drew my pistol and fired the
skull exploded. When the bullet hit

1312
02:00:09.880 --> 02:00:14.319
the bone, the shaman laughed.
His Egyptian pal laughed. I laughed Gideon,

1313
02:00:14.359 --> 02:00:19.039
however. Gideon, however, did
most assuredly not laugh. The shards

1314
02:00:19.039 --> 02:00:24.439
of the skull became missiles and pierced
Gideon's mask in a one hundred razor sharp

1315
02:00:24.560 --> 02:00:28.920
volleys. He did that gargle thing
and fell like a sack of potatoes.

1316
02:00:30.000 --> 02:00:34.439
That's that, then, I said, I waited for some sort of cosmic

1317
02:00:34.479 --> 02:00:39.960
redemption. Would I stand before my
family once more? Would I finally be

1318
02:00:40.000 --> 02:00:45.319
able to rest? A glowing letter
a appeared in the sky. A glowing

1319
02:00:45.560 --> 02:00:53.079
s followed it, and another s
ass. Real cute, I thought,

1320
02:00:53.560 --> 02:01:00.800
as I finally succumbed to the darkness. Brent laughed ass classic. Yeah,

1321
02:01:00.840 --> 02:01:04.479
man, this game is so easy
if you have enough quarters, Todd said,

1322
02:01:04.920 --> 02:01:10.079
I've beaten it like a hundred times. The duo walked away from the

1323
02:01:10.159 --> 02:01:15.279
cabinet as the attract screen of Satan's
shotgun called out to the next player,

1324
02:01:15.840 --> 02:01:27.760
and Elizabeth and Lazarus died anew.
Well, my spookies, I hope you

1325
02:01:27.880 --> 02:01:31.199
enjoyed a little trip back in time, and I hope you enjoyed this new

1326
02:01:31.239 --> 02:01:39.279
type of compilation where we involve some
classic literature and some terrifying and true stories

1327
02:01:39.319 --> 02:01:42.880
as well. But now, my
dear listener, it's time for me to

1328
02:01:42.920 --> 02:01:46.079
go back into the dark, back
into the ether, to find you so

1329
02:01:46.199 --> 02:01:53.439
many more spookies to keep you on
your toes. So for myself, for

1330
02:01:53.560 --> 02:01:58.920
my executive producers Rob Fields and Mark
Shields, and my producer Dan Wilder,

1331
02:02:00.119 --> 02:02:03.439
I will talk at you very very
soon.