Jan. 24, 2025

Best of 2024: Never Bet The Devil Your Head

Best of 2024: Never Bet The Devil Your Head

Join us tonight on Weekly Spooky, hosted by Henrique Couto, as we dive into the eerie world of Edgar Allan Poe with a narration of the lesser-known tale, Never Bet the Devil Your Head. This darkly humorous and surreal story is a perfect blend of Poe’s wit, macabre style, and moral undertones.

Henrique uncovers the story of Toby Dammit, whose reckless gambling habit leads to a chilling confrontation with the supernatural.

Expect vivid descriptions, sharp social commentary, and a tale that embodies Poe’s mastery of dark storytelling.

Subscribe to Weekly Spooky for an unforgettable journey into the strange and sinister. Perfect for fans of horror and classic literature, this episode offers a fresh look at one of Poe’s hidden gems. Don’t miss it!

🎧 LISTEN NOW and subscribe for spine-tingling horror stories every week!

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🎵 Music by Ray Mattis 👉 Check out Ray’s incredible work here !
👨‍💼 Executive Producers: Rob Fields, Bobbletopia.com
🎥 Produced by: Daniel Wilder
🌐 Explore more terrifying tales at: WeeklySpooky.com
WEBVTT

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Hello, my spookies. I hope you're all having a wonderful Friday.

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I wanted to bring you one more piece of the

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best of two thy twenty four, a year full of

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scares and surprises here at Weekly Spooky, and as I

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was picking through some of the most memorable moments on

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the show, I realized this one was a bit different.

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Because as I have been slowly compiling the total works

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of Edgar Allan Poe and narrating them for all of

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you to hear, I'm occasionally surprised by the stories. I

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find stories that I had never heard of, like the

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story hop Frog, which I did in November of last year.

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But this story is called never Bet the Devil your Head.

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I had never heard of this story in any way,

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shape or form. I'd never read it as a kid,

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I had never read about it on Wikipedia. Nothing. This story,

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as far as I was concerned, was completely and utterly new,

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and boy was it a lot of fun in that

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creepy way that only Edgar Allan Poe can present. If

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you missed it last year, now is your opportunity to

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give this one a listen. As we wrap up the

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best of twenty twenty four and if you've heard it before,

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well get comfortable and give it one more listen, because

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it's important to know the proper etiquette when it comes

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to dealing with the devil. Make sure you're subscribed on

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your favorite podcasting app like Apple Podcasts and Spotify, and

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while you're there, leave us a five star rating. It

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really helps new spookies find the show. And if you

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love what we're doing here, what we've been doing for

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almost six years right here at Weekly Spooky, please consider

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becoming a patron, backing us every month for a small

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fee of as little as one dollar a month. By

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going to Weekly Spooky dot Com slash join, you get

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two bonus shows every single month, as well as five

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years of prior bonus content including audiobooks, creepypastas, and so

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much more. That's at Weeklyspooky dot Com slash Join. But

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now please get comfortable, get something warm to drink, because

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after this quick break, we are going to chill you

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with the words of Edgar Allan Poe. Remember you're safe

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until the clock strikes midnight. That's when the story begins.

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Never bet the Devil your Head. A Tale with a

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Moral by Edgar Allan Poe contal. Ke las constumbres de

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un attour, says Don Thomas de las Thoris in the

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preface to his amatory poems siempreras i castas iporto mupoco

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ke nocion iglumente severas sos obras, meaning in plain English

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that provided the morals of an author are pure personally,

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it signifies nothing. What are the morals of his books?

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We presume that Don Thomas is now in purgatory for

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the assertion. It would be a clever thing too, in

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the way of poetical justice, to keep him there until

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his amatory poems get out of print or are laid

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definitely upon the shelf through lack of readers. Every fiction

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should have a moral, and what is more, to the purpose,

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the critics have discovered that every fiction has. Philip Melenchthon

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some time ago wrote a commentary upon the Batrocomiakia and

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proved that the poet's object was to excite a distaste

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for sedition. Pierre Lacine, going a step farther, shows that

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the intention was to recommend to young men temperance in

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eating and drinking. Just so too, Jacobus Hugo has satisfied

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himself that Eunice Homer meant to insinuate John Calvin, by

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Antinius Martin Luther, by Latofoggi Protestants in general, and by

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the Harpies. The Dutch our more modern Scholassies are equally acute.

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These fellows demonstrate a hidden meaning in the Antivillians, a

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parable of the Powaton new views in cock Robin and

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Transcendentalism in hop O my Thumb. In short, it has

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been shown that no man can sit down to write

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without a very profound design. Thus, to authors in general,

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much trouble is spared. A novelist, for example, need have

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no care of his moral It is there, that is

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to say, it is somewhere, and the moral and the

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critics can take care of themselves. When the proper time arrives,

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all that the gentleman intended and all that he did

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not intend, will be brought to light in the dial

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or the down Easter, together with all that he ought

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to have intended, and the rest that he clearly meant

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to intend, so that it will all come very straight

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in the end. There is no just ground therefore for

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the charge brought against me by certain ignoramuses that I

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have never written a moral tale, or in more precise words,

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a tale with a moral. They are not the critics

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predestined to bring me out and develop my morals. That

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is the secret. By and by the North American quarterly

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humdrum will make them ashamed of their stupidity. In the meantime,

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by way of saying execution, by way of mitigating the

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accusations against me, I offer the sad history appended, a

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history about whose obvious moral there can be no question whatever.

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Since he who runs may read it in the large

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capitals which form the title of the tale, I should

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have credit for this arrangement, a far wiser one than

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that of la Fontaine and others, who reserve the impression

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to be conveyed until the last moment, and thus sneak

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it in at the fag end of their fables. In

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functi injuria nay aficient was a law of the twelve tables,

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and de mortis nil nisi bonum is an excellent injunction,

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even if the dead in question be nothing but dead

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small beer. It is not my design, therefore, to vituperate

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my deceased friend Toby. Dammit, he was a sad dog.

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It is true and a dog's death. It was that

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he died, but he himself was not to blame for

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his vices. He grew out of a personal defect in

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his mother. She did her best in the way of

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flogging him while an infant, For duties to her well

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regulated mind were always pleasures and babies like tough steaks

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or the modern Greek olive trees, or invariably the better

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for beating. But poor woman, she had the misfortune to

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be left handed, and a child flogged left handedly had

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better be left unflogged. The world revolves from right to left.

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It will not do to whip a baby from left

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to right. If each blow when the proper direction, drives

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an evil propensity out, it follows that every thump in

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an opposite one knocks its quota of wickedness in. I

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was often present at Toby's chastisements, and even by the

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way in which he kicked, I could perceive that he

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was getting worse and worse every day. At last, I

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saw through the tears in my eyes that there was

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no hope of the villain at all. And one day,

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when he had been cuffed until he grew so black

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in the face that one might have mistaken him for

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a little African, and no effect have been produced beyond

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that of making him wriggle himself into a fit. I

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could stand it no longer, but went down upon my knees,

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forthwith and uplifting my voice, made prophecy of his ruin

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the fact that his precocity in vice was awful. At

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months of age, he used to get into such passions

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that he was unable to articulate. At six months I

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caught him gnawing a pack of cards. At seven months

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he was in when the constant habit of catching and

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kissing the female babies. At eight months he peremptorily refused

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to put his signature to the temperance pledge. Thus he

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went on increasing in iniquity month after month, until at

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the close of the first year he not only insisted

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upon wearing mustaches, but had contracted a propensity for cursing

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and swearing, and for backing his assertions by bets. Through

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this latter most ungentlemanly practiced the ruin which I had

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predicted to Toby Dammit overtook him. At last. The fashion

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had grown with his growth and strengthened with his strength,

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so that when he came to be a man. He

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could scarcely utter a sentence without interlarding it with a

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proposition to gamble. Not that he actually laid wagers. No,

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I will do my friend the justice to say that

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he would as soon have laid eggs with him. The

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thing was a mere formula, nothing more. His expression on

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this head had no meaning attached to them. Whatever they were, simply,

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if not altogether, innocent expletives, imaginative phrases wherewith to round

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off a sentence. When he said I'll bet you so

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and so, nobody ever thought of taking him up. But

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still I could not help thinking it my duty to

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put him down. The habit was an immoral one, and

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so I told him it was a vulgar one. This

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I begged him to believe. I was discounteranced by society.

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Here I said nothing but the truth. It was forbidden

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by act of Congress. Here I had not the slightest

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intention of telling a lie. I remonstrated, but to no purpose.

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I demonstrated in vain. I entreated, he smiled, I implored,

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he laughed. I preached, he sneered. I threatened, he swore.

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I kicked him. He called for the police. I pulled

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his nose, he blew it, and offered to bet the

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devil his head. That I would not venture to try

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that experiment again. Poverty was another vice which the peculiar

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physical deficiency of Damit's mother had entailed upon her son.

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He was detestably poor, and this was the reason, no

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doubt that his expletive expressions about betting seldom took a

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pecuniary turn. I will not be bound to say that

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I ever heard him make use of such a figure

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of speech as I'll bet you a dollar. It was

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usually i'll bet you what you please, or i'll bet

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you what you dare, or i'll bet you a trifle,

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or else more significantly still, i'll bet the devil my head.

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This latter form seemed to please him best, perhaps because

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it involved the least risk, For Dammit had become excessively parsimonious.

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Had anyone taken him up, his head was small, and

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thus his loss would have been small too. But these

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are my own reflections, and I am by no means

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sure that I am right in attributing them to him.

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At all events, the phrase in question grew daily in favor,

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notwithstanding the gross impropriety of a man betting his brains

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like bank notes. But this was a point which my

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friend's perversity of disposition would not permit him to comprehend.

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In the end, he abandoned all other forms of wager

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and gave himself up to I'll bet the devil my head,

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with a pertinacity and exclusiveness of devotion that displeased not

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less than it surprised me. I am always displeased by

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circumstances for which I cannot account. Mysteries force a man

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to think, and so injure his health. The truth is,

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there was something in the air with which mister Dammit

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was wont to give utterance to his offensive expression, something

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in his manner of enunciation which at first interested and

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afterwards made me very uneasy, Something which, for want of

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a more definite term, at present I must be permitted

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to call queer, but which mister Coleridge would have called mystical,

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mister Kant pantheistical, mister Carlyle twisticle, and mister Emerson hyperquisitistical.

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I began to not like it at all. Mister Dammit's

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soul was in a perilous state. I resolved to bring

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all my eloquence into play. To save it, I vowed

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to serve him as Saint Patrick in the Irish Chronicle

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is said to have served the toad, that is to say,

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awaken him to a sense of his situation. I addressed

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myself to the task forthwith. Once more, I betook myself

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to remonstrance. Again, I collected my energies for a final

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attempt at expostulation. When I had made an end of

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my lecture, mister Dammitt indulged himself in some very equivocal behavior.

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For some moments he remained silent, merely looking at me

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inquisitively in the face. But presently he threw his head

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to one side and elevated his eyebrows to a great extent.

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Then he spread out the palms of his hands and

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shrugged up his shoulders. Then he winked with the right eye.

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Then he repeated the operation with the left. Then he

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shut them both up very tight. Then he opened them

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both so very wide that I became seriously alarmed for

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the consequences. Then, applying his thumb to his nose, he

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thought proper to make an indescribable movement with the rest

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of his fingers. Finally, setting his arms akimbo, He condescended

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to reply, I can call to mind only the heads

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of his discourse. He would be obliged to me if

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I would hold my tongue. He wished none of my advice.

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He despised all my insinuations. He was old enough to

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take care of himself. Did I still think him baby?

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Damn it? Did I mean to say anything against his character?

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Did I intend to insult him? Was I fool? Was

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my maternal parent aware in a word of my absence

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from the domiciliary residence. He would put this latter question

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to me as to a man of veracity, and he

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would bind himself to abide by my reply. Once more,

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he would demand explicitly, if my mother knew that I

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was out my confusion, he said, betrayed me, and he

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would be willing to bet the devil his head that

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she did not. Mister dammit, did not pause for my rejounder.

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Turning upon his heel, he left my presence with undignified precipitation.

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It was well for him that he did so. My

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feelings had been wounded, even my anger had been aroused,

230
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For once I would have taken him upon his insulting

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wager I would have won for the arch enemy, mister

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Dammit's little head. For the fact is, my Mamma was

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very well aware of my merely temporary absence from home.

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But Koda shefa mideh, heaven gives relief. As the muscle

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men say when you tread upon their toes. It was

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in pursuance of my duty that I had been insulted,

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and I bore the insult like a man. It now

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seemed to me, however, that I had done all that

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could be required of me in the case of this

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miserable individual, and I resolved to trouble him no longer

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with my counsel, but to leave him to his conscience

242
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and himself. But although I forebore to intrude with my advice,

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I could not bring myself to give up his society altogether.

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I even went so far as to humor some of

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his less reprehensible propensities. And there were times when I

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found myself lauding his wicked jokes as epicures do mustard,

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with tears in my eyes. So profoundly did it grieve

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me to hear his evil talk. One fine day, having

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strolled out altogether arm in arm our root led us

250
00:16:52.519 --> 00:16:55.519
in the direction of a river. There was a bridge,

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and we resolved to cross it. It was roofed over

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by way of protection from the weather, and the archway,

253
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having but few windows, was thus very uncomfortably dark. As

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we entered the passage. The contrast between the external glare

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and the interior gloom struck heavily upon my spirits, but

256
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so upon those of the unhappy dammit, who offered to

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bet the devil's head that I was hipped. He seemed

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to be an unusual good humor. He was excessively lively,

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so much so that I entertained. I know not what

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of uneasy suspicion. It is not impossible that he was

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affected with the transcendentals. I am not well enough versed, however,

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in the diagnosis of this disease to speak with decision

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upon the point, and unhappily there were none of my

264
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friends of the dial present. I suggest the idea, nevertheless,

265
00:17:47.160 --> 00:17:51.359
because of a certain species of austere merry andrewism, which

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seemed to beset my poor friend and caused him to

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make quite a tom fool of himself. Nothing would serve

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00:17:57.839 --> 00:18:01.559
him but wriggling and skipping about under and over everything

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that came in his way, now shouting out and now

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lisping out all manner of odd, little and big words,

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yet preserving the gravest face in the world. All the time,

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I really could not make up my mind whether to

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kick or to pity him. At length, having passed nearly

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00:18:19.279 --> 00:18:22.480
across the bridge, we approached the termination of the footway,

275
00:18:22.960 --> 00:18:26.240
when our progress was impeded by a turnstile of some height.

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Through this I made my way quietly, pushing it around

277
00:18:30.519 --> 00:18:33.880
as usual. But this turn would not serve the turn

278
00:18:33.920 --> 00:18:38.200
of mister Dammit. He insisted upon leaping the style and

279
00:18:38.359 --> 00:18:40.559
said he could cut a pigeon wing over it in

280
00:18:40.599 --> 00:18:45.440
the air. Now this conscientiously speaking, I did not think

281
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he could do. The best pigeon winger over all kinds

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00:18:48.880 --> 00:18:52.319
of style was my friend, mister Carlyle, And as I

283
00:18:52.359 --> 00:18:54.759
knew he could not do it, I would not believe

284
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that it could be done by Toby Dammit. I therefore

285
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told him, in so many words that he was a

286
00:19:00.519 --> 00:19:04.920
braggadocio and could not do what he said. For this

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00:19:05.160 --> 00:19:08.759
I had reason to be sorry afterwards, for he straightway

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00:19:09.000 --> 00:19:12.319
offered to bet the devil his head that he could.

289
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I was about to reply, notwithstanding my previous resolutions, with

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some remonstrance against his impiety, when I heard close at

291
00:19:22.200 --> 00:19:26.400
my elbow a slight cough which sounded very much like

292
00:19:26.480 --> 00:19:31.599
the ejaculation ahem. I started and looked about me in surprise.

293
00:19:32.200 --> 00:19:34.519
My glance at length fell into a nook of the

294
00:19:34.559 --> 00:19:38.079
framework of the bridge, and upon the figure of a little, lame,

295
00:19:38.119 --> 00:19:43.359
old gentleman of venerable aspect. Nothing could be more revered

296
00:19:43.799 --> 00:19:47.759
than his whole appearance, for he not only had a

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full suit of black, but his shirt was perfectly clean,

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00:19:51.599 --> 00:19:55.559
and the collar turned very neatly down over a white cravat,

299
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while his hair was parted in front like a girl's.

300
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His hands were clasped pensively together over his stomach, and

301
00:20:03.319 --> 00:20:06.640
his two eyes were carefully rolled up into the top

302
00:20:06.960 --> 00:20:11.160
of his head. Upon observing him more closely, I perceived

303
00:20:11.200 --> 00:20:15.200
that he wore a black silk apron over his small clothes,

304
00:20:15.640 --> 00:20:18.279
and this was a thing which I thought very odd.

305
00:20:19.000 --> 00:20:22.039
Before I had time to make any remark, however, upon

306
00:20:22.119 --> 00:20:26.519
so singular a circumstance, he interrupted me with a second ahem.

307
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To this observation, I was not immediately prepared to reply.

308
00:20:32.200 --> 00:20:36.720
The fact is, remarks of this laconic nature are nearly unanswerable.

309
00:20:37.279 --> 00:20:41.079
I have known a quarterly review nonplussed by the word fudge.

310
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I am not ashamed to say, therefore, that I turned

311
00:20:44.079 --> 00:20:48.759
to mister Dammit for assistance. Damn It, said I, What

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00:20:48.880 --> 00:20:51.920
are you about? Don't you hear? The gentleman, says ahem.

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I looked sternly at my friend while I thus addressed him,

314
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for to say the truth, I felt particularly puzzled. And

315
00:21:00.000 --> 00:21:02.559
when a man is particularly puzzled, he must knit his

316
00:21:02.640 --> 00:21:06.039
brows and look savage, or else he is pretty sure

317
00:21:06.519 --> 00:21:10.799
to look like a fool. Damn It, observed I. Although

318
00:21:10.839 --> 00:21:14.039
this sounded very much like an oath, than which nothing

319
00:21:14.119 --> 00:21:18.519
was farther from my thoughts. Damn It, I suggested. The gentleman,

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00:21:18.559 --> 00:21:21.720
says a hem. I do not attempt to defend my

321
00:21:21.799 --> 00:21:24.920
remark on the score of profundity. I did not think

322
00:21:24.960 --> 00:21:27.799
it profound myself. But I have noticed that the effect

323
00:21:27.880 --> 00:21:31.240
of our speeches is not always proportionate with their importance

324
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in our own eyes. And if I had shot mister

325
00:21:34.000 --> 00:21:38.279
d through and through with a Paxian bomb, or knocked

326
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him in the head with the poets and poetry of America.

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He could hardly have been more disconfitted than when I

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addressed him with those simple words, damn it, what are

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you about, don't you hear? The gentleman says? A hem,

330
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you don't say, gasped he at length, after turning more

331
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colors than a pirate runs up one after the other

332
00:22:01.240 --> 00:22:04.480
when chased by a man of war. Are you quite sure?

333
00:22:04.519 --> 00:22:08.039
He said that. Well, at all events, I am in

334
00:22:08.119 --> 00:22:10.480
for it now, and may as well put a bold

335
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face upon the matter. Here goes then ahem. At this,

336
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the little old gentleman seemed pleased. God only knows why.

337
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He left his station at the nook of the bridge,

338
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limped forward with a gracious air, took damn it by

339
00:22:25.880 --> 00:22:29.720
the hand, and shook it cordially, looking all the while

340
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straight up in his face, with an air of the

341
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most unadulterated benignitye which it is possible for the mind

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00:22:35.680 --> 00:22:39.200
of a man to imagine. I am quite sure you

343
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will win it, damn it, said he, with the frankest

344
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of all smiles. But we are obligated to have a trial,

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you know, for the sake of mere form. Ahem, replied

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00:22:50.559 --> 00:22:53.799
my friend, taking his coat, with a deep sigh, tying

347
00:22:53.839 --> 00:22:57.400
a pocket handkerchief around his waist, and producing an unaccountable

348
00:22:57.440 --> 00:23:01.000
alteration in his countenance by twisting up his eyes and

349
00:23:01.079 --> 00:23:05.240
bringing down the corners of his mouth. Ahem, and a heem,

350
00:23:05.680 --> 00:23:08.920
said he again, after a pause, and not another word

351
00:23:09.000 --> 00:23:12.119
more than a heem? Did I ever know him to

352
00:23:12.160 --> 00:23:17.039
say after that? Aha, thought I, without expressing myself aloud.

353
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This is quite a remarkable silence on the part of Toby, dammit,

354
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and is no doubt a consequence of his verbosity upon

355
00:23:25.160 --> 00:23:29.920
a previous occasion. One extreme induces another. I wonder if

356
00:23:29.920 --> 00:23:33.559
he has forgotten the many unanswerable questions which he propounded

357
00:23:33.599 --> 00:23:36.119
to me so fluently on the day when I gave

358
00:23:36.200 --> 00:23:40.000
him my last lecture. At all events, he is cured

359
00:23:40.039 --> 00:23:45.160
of the transcendentals. Ahem, here, replied Toby, just as if

360
00:23:45.160 --> 00:23:47.759
he had been reading my thoughts, and looking like a

361
00:23:47.920 --> 00:23:51.359
very old sheep in a reverie. The old gentleman now

362
00:23:51.400 --> 00:23:53.480
took him by the arm and led him more into

363
00:23:53.480 --> 00:23:56.359
the shade of the bridge, a few paces back from

364
00:23:56.359 --> 00:24:00.240
the turnstile. My good fellow said he, I'm make it

365
00:24:00.279 --> 00:24:02.960
a point of conscience to allow you this much run

366
00:24:03.680 --> 00:24:06.359
wait here till I take my place by the style,

367
00:24:06.920 --> 00:24:08.720
so that I may see whether you go over it

368
00:24:08.759 --> 00:24:12.640
handsomely and transcendentally, and don't omit any flourishes of the

369
00:24:12.680 --> 00:24:17.000
pigeon wing a mere form, you know, I will say one,

370
00:24:17.599 --> 00:24:23.839
two three and away. Mind you start at the word away. Here.

371
00:24:23.960 --> 00:24:26.759
He took his position by the style, paused a moment

372
00:24:26.799 --> 00:24:31.119
as if in profound reflection, then looked up and I thought,

373
00:24:31.240 --> 00:24:35.240
smiled very slightly, then tightened the strings of his apron,

374
00:24:35.640 --> 00:24:38.559
then took a long look at damn it, and finally

375
00:24:38.599 --> 00:24:46.640
gave the word as agreed upon, one two three and away,

376
00:24:47.519 --> 00:24:50.559
punctually at the word away, my poor friend set off

377
00:24:50.559 --> 00:24:53.680
in a strong gallop. The style was not very high

378
00:24:53.799 --> 00:24:56.839
like mister Lord's, nor yet very low like the mister

379
00:24:56.920 --> 00:25:00.079
Lord's reviewers. But upon the whole I made sure that

380
00:25:00.119 --> 00:25:04.359
he would clear it. And then what if he did not? Ah,

381
00:25:04.400 --> 00:25:08.119
that was the question, what if he did not? What right? Said?

382
00:25:08.160 --> 00:25:11.079
I had the old gentleman to make any other gentleman

383
00:25:11.200 --> 00:25:14.599
jump the little old dot and carry one? Who is he?

384
00:25:15.119 --> 00:25:17.359
If he asks me to jump? I won't do it.

385
00:25:17.720 --> 00:25:20.160
That's flat, And I don't care who the devil is.

386
00:25:20.960 --> 00:25:23.880
The bridge, as I say, was arched and covered in

387
00:25:23.880 --> 00:25:26.519
in a very ridiculous manner, and there was a most

388
00:25:26.640 --> 00:25:30.119
uncomfortable echo about it at all times, an echo which

389
00:25:30.119 --> 00:25:34.039
I never before so particularly observed as when I uttered

390
00:25:34.039 --> 00:25:38.160
the last four words of my remark. But what I said,

391
00:25:38.279 --> 00:25:41.440
or what I thought, or what I heard occupied only

392
00:25:41.480 --> 00:25:44.799
an instant. In less than five seconds from his starting,

393
00:25:44.839 --> 00:25:48.240
my poor Toby had taken the leap. I saw him

394
00:25:48.319 --> 00:25:51.880
run nimbly and spring grandly from the floor of the bridge,

395
00:25:51.920 --> 00:25:54.640
cutting the most awful flourishes with his legs as he

396
00:25:54.680 --> 00:25:58.039
went up. I saw him high in the air, pigeon

397
00:25:58.039 --> 00:26:00.960
winging it to admiration, just over the top of the stile,

398
00:26:01.680 --> 00:26:04.599
And of course I thought it an unusually singular thing

399
00:26:04.680 --> 00:26:07.799
that he did not continue to go over. But the

400
00:26:07.839 --> 00:26:11.039
whole leap was the affair of a moment, and before

401
00:26:11.079 --> 00:26:14.359
I had a chance to make any profound reflections, down

402
00:26:14.480 --> 00:26:17.359
came mister Dammitt, on the flat of his back, on

403
00:26:17.400 --> 00:26:20.599
the same side of the stile from which he had started.

404
00:26:21.559 --> 00:26:24.119
At the same instant I saw the old gentleman limping

405
00:26:24.200 --> 00:26:26.839
off at the top of his speed, having caught and

406
00:26:26.880 --> 00:26:29.920
wrapped up in his apron something that fell heavily into

407
00:26:29.960 --> 00:26:32.680
it from the darkness of the arch just over the turnstile.

408
00:26:33.519 --> 00:26:36.480
At all this I was much astonished, but I had

409
00:26:36.480 --> 00:26:40.720
no leisure to think, for mister Dammit lay particularly still,

410
00:26:41.240 --> 00:26:43.960
and I concluded that his feelings had been hurt, and

411
00:26:44.000 --> 00:26:47.559
that he stood in need of my assistance. I hurried

412
00:26:47.640 --> 00:26:49.920
up to him and found that he had received what

413
00:26:50.079 --> 00:26:54.640
might be termed a serious injury. The truth is he

414
00:26:54.680 --> 00:26:59.039
had been deprived of his head, which after close search

415
00:27:00.039 --> 00:27:03.559
I could not find anywhere. So I determined to take

416
00:27:03.640 --> 00:27:08.440
him home and send for the Homeopathesists. In the meantime,

417
00:27:08.480 --> 00:27:11.359
a thought struck me, and I threw open an adjacent

418
00:27:11.400 --> 00:27:15.359
window of the bridge when the sad truth flashed upon me.

419
00:27:15.440 --> 00:27:18.799
At once, about five feet just above the top of

420
00:27:18.839 --> 00:27:22.599
the turnstile, and crossing the arch of the footpath so

421
00:27:22.759 --> 00:27:28.400
as to constitute a brace, there extended a flat iron bar,

422
00:27:29.079 --> 00:27:32.559
lying with its breath horizontally and forming one of a

423
00:27:32.640 --> 00:27:36.160
series that served to strengthen the structure throughout its extent.

424
00:27:37.000 --> 00:27:39.720
With the edge of this brace, it appeared evident that

425
00:27:39.759 --> 00:27:45.079
the neck of my unfortunate friend had come precisely in contact.

426
00:27:46.119 --> 00:27:51.319
He did not long survive his terrible loss. The homeopathists

427
00:27:51.440 --> 00:27:54.440
did not give him little enough physic and what little

428
00:27:54.480 --> 00:27:58.200
they did give him he hesitated to take. So in

429
00:27:58.240 --> 00:28:03.359
the end he grew worse, and at length died, A

430
00:28:03.440 --> 00:28:07.559
lesson to all riotous livers. I bedewed his grave with

431
00:28:07.640 --> 00:28:11.279
my tears, worked a bar sinister on his family's escutcheon,

432
00:28:11.359 --> 00:28:14.759
and for the general expenses of his funeral, sent in

433
00:28:14.920 --> 00:28:20.160
my very moderate bill to the Transcendentalists. The scoundrels refused

434
00:28:20.160 --> 00:28:22.759
to pay it, so I had mister Dammit dug up

435
00:28:22.759 --> 00:28:26.200
at once and sold him for dog's meat.